I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but I'm giving it anyway in hopes of clearing the air a little.
It is true that I voted Vector for meta reasons, and I may not be qualified to do so. So, I would ask those who do know her meta, except Eduren and Vector, to review these points and give their opinion:
a) She lurked with impunity for the entire game until 10 minutes before I joined (after IronyOwl prodded her). In the first two hundred posts, she has two contributions, on August 21 & 22, both contentless. Then silence until challenged.
Look up Color Mafia and BYOR... something. 1 or 2? I'm not sure. If you want lurking meta, then you really need to look at the stuff we were running without the rank system--because I used to have an S rank, which basically meant I could never go 24 hours without posting, unless I wanted to lose it. Despite that, I often went for days just dropping in to say "Sorry, gonna do this later" before kicking myself into being more active. I've always been one for smaller games, in general. If you want evidence of that, I consistently requested small bastard mods in the Threshold thread.
The first thing you should know about me is that I'm a raging perfectionist (as you should be able to tell from my scumchats). As such, I don't feel comfortable posting drippy, half-baked analyses. If I haven't read things, I don't feel good about saying anything. As they say, "speak only when you have something of significance to say." The second thing is that I have a horrible temper, as you can probably also tell from my scumchats.
The third thing you should know is that most meta is really invalid at this point--rather, I don't know what is still true of me and my playstyle anymore. Why? Well, since I last really played a game, I have:
Dropped out of college (thus saying "suck it" to all the poor mathematicians who believed in me)
Been dumped by my boyfriend of two years because I was "crazy"
Come down off of moodswings the psych industry thought might be bipolar disorder
Stopped having anxiety attacks and constantly being simultaneously enraged and depressed
Realized that previously mentioned boyfriend + his mother had convinced me I was mildly autistic, when in reality I'm ... probably not. Jury is out on that one. The greater probability is that years of isolation made my thought process a bit odd.
Changed my focus in life from the pursuit of mathematics, in and of itself, for a more pedagogical approach
Regained my ability to concentrate for more than half a minute
Effectively rebuilt my mind from the ground up, including an occasionally over-eager defense system.
I still have a bad temper, a perfectionistic streak, and an extremely curious mind. Who am I now? Well, sir, I can't tell you--but if all you can do is attack me with meta
that old, then I pity you. Frankly, I would really appreciate it if you didn't hold me to the standards of the young woman I was nearly half a year ago. I'm not that person anymore, and I'm very grateful for it.
If I continue to play precisely as I once did, feel free to use meta arguments all you want. But seriously: times have changed, and I want to do what I can to put
the person I am not behind me.
b) Then a new guy comes and votes her, shines a light on her, and she responds with two meaty paragraphs of powerful vitriol. I submit that this was an act; an attempt to scare away the newbie and redirect the new attention away from her and to either the newbie or the vitriol, not to her game so far.
I was genuinely angry. I took a break from school to get away from people trying to tell me how to spend my time--between overbearing parents, a great mathematician who wanted me to study 14 hours a day, a friend who I had effectively needed to protect from killing herself for 8 years, the lonely people I know who I feel I'm obligated to spend time with, my high school teachers/professors who are driving me to do PhD work in languages/literature/whatever, the people telling me to write novels, the people telling me to do charity work, my violin teacher who needed me to continue, all those fools who tell me to go into acting, and
on top of that everyone who's saying "just relax, Vector! Relax!"...
I snapped. I am really, truly sorry about it, but that is one of my big red buttons. I'm trying to overcome this feeling of tension that comes up whenever someone asks me to perform yet another duty--people who I want to repay, somehow, for everything they've given me (the knowledge, the support, the friendship, the lessons). I don't know if I can reward their faith.
And who are you? You're some guy on the internet, attacking me because I'm not giving this game enough of my time.
- Have you seen her doing something like this, when playing as town?
NSBM 1 was a far more restrained version of this. I lynched Free Beer at that point because I hated him, and that hate colored my perceptions.
There are other examples of similar WoTs. It just happens sometimes.
- Would this be within her repertoire, when playing as scum?
Yes. I bussed two of my partners in BYOR: Panda. Easily. Why? Well, the first one I bussed because I was mad at her. The second one I bussed because he had to die.
As Broody said, I'm slippery. My repertoire contains just about everything.
- If this is within her possible scum game, why would she do it, unless I was onto something?
Because you pissed me off. You pissed me off because I needed to step off-stage for a while, and you had the audacity to think that you should be able to stop me. Town, scum, third party, whatever: I have buttons. When people press them, I explode.
Walls of text, yes. Walls of invective, explosive vitriol? Do you recall? Would you say it's likelier for scum Vector, town Vector, or just I'm-tired-leave-me-alone Vector?
I exploded at a newbie in iPick because he had the audacity to ... do something. I think he was trying to turn one of my own techniques against me, soon after I'd taught it to him as an IC. I was nicer to him, though, because I liked him.
However, I've never exploded like that on this board, no.
I don't normally get that angry, in general. Sometimes I do. It happens when I'm tired and I feel overburdened, and I tried to give you a warning: stop pressing me or I'm going to eat you. You pressed me more, and so I ate you. As I said, I feel bad about it. I feel less bad because despite the message, you presumed to understand what's going on in my life, without taking into consideration the fact that... well, you don't know what's going on in my life. It felt like horrible manners.
Of course, horrible manners isn't a good excuse for what I did: there's no good excuses... but at least I can give an explanation or something.
Ugh, man. I hope you're not too offended. That was bad of me.
I guess I'd better post this, before I get too wrapped up in the morality of this situation again.
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Topic: BYOR 4 - Game Over: Cult Win (Read 112379 times)