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[Shazial]

Dear Urist McGemsetter,

Please stop decorating the old XXSocksXX when there's ☼Other Wearables☼ available.

Yours,
The Fate Holder

[Felius]

Can you elf-loving sons of a goblin stop being convinced by foreign agents to steal our artifacts? I like displaying them in the tavern for all to see, but for Armok's sake, I can't go a week without having to track down a "misplaced" artifact, and a month without having to kill a "visitor" trying to just go away with said artifacts.

Do I have to lock the artifacts down in fortifications or something?

[Thisfox]

Just chain an animal (preferably permanently trained, I had an accident involving a cave crocodile recently...) over the item. I haven't had a single item get misplaced since I started the policy of one animal chain touching every piece of display furniture. Puppies are great, but I've started putting monkeys, lions, and even parrots on some of the chains, as the Elves are trading exotic pets.

[TheFlame52]

Can you elf-loving sons of a goblin stop being convinced by foreign agents to steal our artifacts? I like displaying them in the tavern for all to see, but for Armok's sake, I can't go a week without having to track down a "misplaced" artifact, and a month without having to kill a "visitor" trying to just go away with said artifacts.

Do I have to lock the artifacts down in fortifications or something?

I have a policy of leaving one crime unsolved in each fortress, so I can bring in every visitor for questioning as soon as they arrive. If they aren't who they say, or admit to coming to steal my artifacts, they'll be spending their visit to my fort behind bars.

[doublestrafe]

Dear Ùshrir Kureldeduk, Necromancer Hunter,

No. Just...no.

- The Management

[Magmacube_tr]

Dear Urist McUselessNoble,

Can you please lift your ban on exporting bracelets? It's been 3 years! This fortress relies on rock crafts for its economy. And we have about 500 stone bracelets laying around at the moment, and they keep piling up.

I am seriously considering trapping you in your room to starve or something.

Signed,
Magma

[towerator]

Dear legendary armorer?

Would you mind, well, legendary armoring instead of praying for the 4506th time? There are 70 bars of steel waiting for you, and you have no reason not to be able to forge.

- management

Edit: management found why, apparently the smelters thought they were too good for such rules as "Don't use all fuel in the fortress while smelting crap, you idiots!"

[Ramiel.]

Fortress-wide Notification to All Dwarves

This is a friendly reminder that, should you be asked to deconstruct a construction - say, an up/down stairs - it is unwise to stand on the thing you are deconstructing as you are deconstructing it.  Especially when it is currently located above a several meter drop into the river.  Management has provided safe standing space adjacent to your assignments; please stand there while working instead.  We do not want to see another half-dozen drownings next week.

 - Upper Management

[Maloy]

Dear marksdwarfs,

Yes, technically you are correct when you tell me that you are "standing near the marker" when I give you orders on where to stand, but standing a whole floor beneath the requested area is simply being cheeky

Even more so when you choose to stand a floor below on the outside of the walls
No one cried at your funerals by the way

Love
Your overseer

[peli082]

Dear Armorer Urist,

        I know that you like to smith adamantine gauntlets but, for the love of Armok we still need to make helmets, breastplates, mailshirts, boots, greaves, swords and spears. No, the military cant survive on being naked with only their gauntlets on. Urist McStreakerWrestler? He's the exception not the rule.


Yours truly,
Mayor

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom it May Concern:

If you are installing a Piece of Furniture, and you discover that there is something in the way, which you can't shift out of the way because there are no free spots to shove it to, please report:

'Site Obstructed',

not:

'Could Not Find Path'.

By my Hand,

Her Most Dread Majesty

[Ihtomyt]

Dear Urist McSlob,

You were granted your own bedroom for the purpose of a higher quality of rest and relaxation, for your mental health, not to leave your discarded belongings scattered on the floor. Our overworked carpenter even slaved away making you that nice ☼Funigwood Bed☼ you are so fond of while he should have been making cages.

In any case, while it is understandable that you are still attached to that XXgiant cave spider silk sockXX that saved you from losing a toe to a crundle, the real problem is the miasma created by the rotten plump helmets and giant tortoise meat that you've inexplicably left on your floor. You even had the audacity to complain to management about said miasma.

If this behavior continues, we will have to resort to placing you on a "permanent assignment" in the trash compactor room along with said rotten food.

- The Overseer

[Eric Blank]

The food is probably rations claimed as part of their military squad. You should check to see if they or a spouse are in one and if that squad is set to carry rations or drink, and if so disable them. Then they won't claim food and store it in their room.

The sock hoarding cannot be avoided unfortunately, without taking away their bedroom entirely

[muldrake]

Dear Urist McAxeMurderer, I couldn't blame you for chopping down a tree with a dwarf in it, causing that dwarf a great deal of agony.  I missed that too when I said to cut that tree down.  But did you really have to take the same axe you'd cut the tree down with and commit a Jack Nicholson level axe murder with it?

Wait what in the world is going on here?  What is in your head man?

Context, this woodcutter just cut down the tree this other dwarf was in, and while I've lost those messages, the mason had been seriously pulped by falling logs.  But then, without the mason defending himself, instead of taking him to the hospital, this crazy bastard (who has a long history of attacking practically everything he sees) chops him up with an axe and kills him!

Somehow, this does not show up on the crimes menu.  And the murderous axe-cutter "felt nothing" after seeing him die.  It doesn't even mention that he killed him by chopping down a tree he was in and then chopping him up with the same axe while he laid there helpless and that somehow, the other dwarves are okay with this.

Just like. . .what happened here?

Also this maniacal woodcutter is listed as the slayer on the mason's slab.


ETA:  the issue is sort of why is it an open and notorious fact that Axe Boy here chopped up another resident of the fort, to the point this fact gets literally carved on his tombstone, and the name of the axe murderer is on that very tombstone, and yet, everyone seems okay with this.  Wtf man?  What is going on?

[Eschar]

Presumably it was a tantrum or other stress-related fight.
I think the justice system only tracks "premeditated" murders, i.e. vampires or fell moods.