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[Uthimienure]

Dear Urist McItemHauler,

Please store the bar of soap lying in the east castle wall's doorway in the nearby soap stockpile. It has been there for months after all the other bars of soap dropped by frightened Urists during the last siege have been carefully placed in the stockpile.  Are you ignoring the soap because it was made from a black bear's tallow?  Or because you like the view of the outdoors from that entrance?

Due to your negligence, your fellow McUrists are in danger.  Your task has been handed over to the more responsible Urist McRefuseHauler and the bar of soap will be likely thrown away soon.

Love,
Your faithful guiding hand.

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist McBoozehaulier

Your order was to move the mead to the designated stockpile for flammability testing, not drink the entire barrel dry then haul the empty keg there!

You've just set my explosive alcohol research back by a year thanks to your idiocy. As punishment you are being demoted from haulier to military scout. Please dump your clothing and belongings in the relevant stockpiles and report to the barracks for further orders.

The Overseer

[towerator]

Dear UristMcFortressguard

When I tell you "Punish this guy who tantrumed", I mean "Put him in jail", not "Bash his head until it caves in". It's the third one you kill, and this one was a decent furnace operator...

Sincerely, UristMcOverseer.

[orius]

Dear Urist McFailsBiology:

Why on earth did you drag the boar you were pasturing in the pigpens over a nest box in the turkey coops first?  He's not a female, and he's not a bird.  Nor was there anything or anyone blocking your path. 

Your overseer.

[Staalo]

Dear militia members of Divemountain,

please stop randomly murdering tavern visitors and traders. I mean, what the hell? Every time another squad is doing something on the map you guys at home will pick out an innocent poet or whatever and slaughter them in the middle of the tavern.

Why do you keep doing that? They have done nothing wrong. Even the poetry isn't that bad.

regards,
The Management

[orius]

Dear Urist McChickenliver:

Stop freaking out about that vulture circling 40 z levels overhead and annoying me with your job cancellation spams.  It's not interested in you, you're not dead -- YET.  Think positive -- maybe it spotted an elf corpse.

Your overseer.

[Stadfradt]

"WAH! WAH! WAH! You've got a temple to every god in the pantheon and all the time in the world! Quit whining and go to your damned church!"

[HMD Majesty]

By Order of Her Most Dread Majesty,

When this Fortress is under Attack, you are to stay in the Pit.  The Enemy will descend to you.

Further Deviation can and will be punished via Entombment.

[A_Curious_Cat]

By Order of Her Most Dread Majesty,

When this Fortress is under Attack, you are to stay in the Pit.  The Enemy will descend to you.

Further Deviation can and will be punished via Entombment.

To:  her moldy undead tragedy.
Re:  Military strategy.

What?  You provided us w’a path!  Surely, if ye ha’ant intended us to engage th’enemy, ye would ha’ ensured that we cou’nt get t’em!  A wars a war, lass,  those go’lins aren’t gonna kill themselves.

Signed:  Urist McCrossbow Dwarf.

[orius]

Dear Urist McAirGuitarist:

Why in the name of Armok are you simulating instruments that are already stored in the tavern in your drunken revelry?

Your Overseer.

[anewaname]

Urist,

We rang the bells to call you inside the tower. It is true the doorway you chose to snore in is within your burrow and that by getting to the doorway, you are on the safer side of the drawbridge. But, if that gate does not raise in time, you will be a plaything for that ettin.

Your luck is now your own, we are locking the next set of doors and getting the blocks to build a wall.

The overseer

[gunpowdertea]

Dear Urist McAirGuitarist:

Why in the name of Armok are you simulating instruments that are already stored in the tavern in your drunken revelry?

Your Overseer.

Deer Overseer!
Cause it's fun - an bein' a bit pishhd we cannae play the Athel noo (nae t'we can when sober).
Ye have ne'er played air guitar?

[javascripter]

Dear UristMcWholeFort

Why is hauling rocks from the other side of the map more important to you than emptying milk buckets into barrels/pots so that you can use the buckets to get water. You will all die of dehydration carrying rocks. (note: I've modded it so my fort is carnivorious and can produce alcohol only from milk; but brewers refuse to use milk in a bucket, it must be emptied into a barrel/pot first, and the helpful milker just stores buckets full of milk in the stockpile and then cancels milking jobs because no free bucket)

the overseer

[orius]

Turn off the stone hauling on some of the dorfs so they'll do other needed menial tasks.  Or put some wheelbarrows in the stone stockpiles to limit the number of stone hauling tasks taken.

[Thisfox]

Dear Overseer Javascripter:

Why not just make more buckets? And no one knows where the barrels and pots are, so we're leaving the milk in the buckets for now. How about you make some more barrels too?

If you didn't want us to haul rocks, you could have told someone they aren't a stone hauler.

We're doing the best we can, but we heard in other forts have booze made from honey. Any chance we can get in on that action?

--The Urists.