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[GandalfTheGreyt3791]

Dear Urist McPeasent

HOW DARE YOU SAVE THE REST OF THE FORT INSTEAD OF LETING THE TRAINED PROFESSIONALS HANDLE IT???

[lukerules117]

Dear dwarves, as you know, two horrible crimes the first of which being the attempted theft of an artifact, and the second being the murder of our beloved tavernkeeper in a way that only a creature of the night can. Thankfully the perpetrator of both was quickly discovered and confessed under interrogation, in addition it seems he's part of an even larger organization. Now given that you know this, can each of you explain using your own words in a short concise manner why the fuck you made him mayor shortly after this was discovered?

Dear UristMcSherrif, why have you decided that the most vile criminal in the fort's history does not need a punishment?

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom It May Concern,

We have a Dining Room with forty-two Tables, all of which are equipped with a Chair.  We also have four unassigned Tables that have Chairs.

If you choose to eat on the one Seat in Whisperorbs without a Table by it, you have no reason to complain about a Lack of Tables.

By My Hand,

Her Most Dread Majesty

[Urist mcbayblade]

Dear urist mcminer.
I am curious as to what made you think a small hole rapidly filling with water was a good place to take a nap.

[recon1o6]

Dear !!Urist Mcburninghaulier!!

Urist, when you are on fire, the proper procedure is to put yourself out in the swimming pool

It is not continue hauling flammable items and then boil away all the booze when you are thirsty.

[forumist]

Dear militia,

When I order you to station on the tower top, the goal is to protect the marksdwarves against climbing goblins. No need to use the tree branches hanging over the fortifications to get out and get stupidly killed by the goblins that still haven't managed to climb up.

[indyofcomo]

Dear militia,

When I order you to station on the tower top, the goal is to protect the marksdwarves against climbing goblins. No need to use the tree branches hanging over the fortifications to get out and get stupidly killed by the goblins that still haven't managed to climb up.

lol

[lazygun]

To the Crystalline Pastimes:

You are an axedwarf squad, all equipped with at least superior quality steel battle axes. All of you are expert or better in fighting using battle axes. Please stop demonstrating warhammer usage to each other.

That is all.

[nezclaw]

To the assorted visiting entertainers,

Get Out Of My Fortress Before I Fill The Tavern With Magma.

Yours, The Overseer

[Eric Blank]

Dear Ursas

When you do this;

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Uker Stulenol, Milker cancels Shear Uker Stulenol, Milker: In Custody.
Egath Sakrithseng, Farmer cancels Shear Egath Sakrithseng, Farmer: In Custody.

It gives me a headache. I didn't realize I even made you shearable. I realize now I edited the wrong file. You're not supposed to shave yourselves. Please go shave the yaks.

Sincerely, a confused modder.

[Quantum Drop]

Dear Urist,

No, the Atom Smasher is not a playground. I don't care if you're a child at heart or not, stay out of the room with the big smashy thing.

Sincerely,

Your Boss.

[Uthimienure]

d - o - r (restricted traffic area) might/might not have prevented smashing poor Urist.

[muldrake]

Urist McMasterChef, up yours for never using dwarven syrup no matter how many stockpile tricks I try.  I guess the gold barrels of it make a great export good though because apparently every chef out in the rest of the world knows how to use it.

[Quantum Drop]

d - o - r (restricted traffic area) might/might not have prevented smashing poor Urist.

...You can actually do that?

[Uthimienure]

d - o - r (restricted traffic area) might/might not have prevented smashing poor Urist.

...You can actually do that?

I don't know the details of your smasher, but making it (and maybe a few surrounding tiles) restricted *might* keep everyone except trash collectors out. 

But it might be safer if you dump the trash in from a hole in the floor above, because then nobody ever needs to actually go near the bridge.