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[weiserthanyou]

Dear Urvad,

Your singular duty is garbage hauling because this fort has a 21-year backlog of discarded clothes that have currently brought time to a near-infinitely slow rate, and because you're stressed. There are an estimated 800-2000 items in need of dumping and obliteration. Please, do something other than tantrum every time you pass a 13-year-old piece of giant bat chitin.

Dear Nil,

I have disabled all labors on you except for those directly related to lever construction and operation. You have had six months to repair the waste disposal because someone destroyed the lever. All of the cage traps are loaded. Please do the fabric of the universe a favor.

Dear Kivish,
Stop starting fistfights if you're terrified in conflict and get negative thoughts from getting punched back.

Dear everyone else,
For the love of Armok how many of you do I have to assign primarily to cleaning and hauling before you figure out how to throw away the elf corpse that has been sitting in the middle of the caravan driveway for the past 18 years? It has been designated for disposal for 18 years. Either throw it out or stop getting horrified looking at it every time you go to pasture one of your 187 pets (again, Nil, get the atom smasher working again before I sacrifice you to make a magma disposal).

Sincerely,
An Overseer running out of other things to do during the 0-1 fps stretches.

[weiserthanyou]

Dear Aban,

I know you were stressed at Mabdugvucar. Everyone was. It was, after all, a bit of a miserable hellhole because nobody ever cleaned up the hundreds of corpses strewn about. However, your behavior upon migrating to my newer venture is unacceptable. This fortress will only ever get two migrant waves for a maximum population of 14 until we have babies, and the only thing you've done so far is tantrum. AND KILL THE EXPEDITION LEADER AND ONLY QUALIFIED MECHANIC. Out of desperation regarding population and defense without a military, I am letting you live. If you tantrum and hurt someone badly again, I'm sending you to explore the third cavern level.

[NordicNooob]

Dear Urist McArchitect/Carpenter,

I understand your compliance with my orders to remove the up stair that is directly above the volcano. I'm fine with that; other overseers might not want an important dwarf such as an architect to be doing menial stair removal, but I'm rather short on dwarfpower. Good on you for trying. What's not good on you, however, is removing that stair while standing on it rather than on the down stair directly above it, like every other sane dwarf would do. I'm not quite sure how you survived as long as you did without understanding that if you remove the thing you're standing on, you will fall. In this case, you've gone and fallen into a volcano. You'd think that an architect of all dwarves would understand basic principles of support, but it seems that this is not so. At least I have another capable carpenter.

Not-so-sincerely,
Your slightly disappointed yet not entirely surprised overseer

P.S
Thanks for discovering a candy vein on your way down, I guess.

[Yoink]

Dear Ingish Nishromek,
I greatly appreciate all your hard work beating troublesome dwarves into submission in your new role as Captain of the Guard, but did you really have to jump that performer in the mayor's bedroom? The mayor's been through enough lately without his room getting some impromptu blood-and-teeth redecoration. Hell, it looks like when you kicked her teeth out blood sprayed all the way across the room onto the bed! I notice you didn't put your hand up to clean up after yourself, either.

On a brighter note, this incident has made me realise that the performer in question actually lacks any performance skills whatsoever. It seems I may have accidentally given the tavern residency to the wrong dwarf entirely. Whoops. Thank you for bringing that to my attention, Ingiz. Now carry on.

-Overseer   




(Edit: my bad, I somehow had 'misc' labours turned off in the skills screen.)   

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist McJones

First, while I'm impressed you somehow managed to dodge over a 4 tile gap to a safe spot in the cavern, you seem to refuse to walk the long way round back to the rest of the fort. Stop being lazy, I won't build you a bridge.

Second, please be more thoughtful when decimating all the troglodites. The corpses you're making with that artifact whip are in so many pieces the hauliers are crying over the amount of gore.

Lastly do not throw a tantrum because of your lack of drink access. You have 3 booze in your backpack which you handpicked yourself and I know you haven't drunk them since they are still in your inventory.

from
The overseer

[TheyreAllGullyDorfs]

Dear Urist McClothier,
I appreciate you were in a strange mood, but why couldn't you compromise with me, or even just communicate your needs clearly? You draw pictures of skeletons I get you piles of bones, you sketch pages of blocks so I have half a dozen stone blocks and a hand crafted platinum block right beside you... You make images of stacked fabrics I have stacks upon stack of all three types of cloth sitting there gathering dust.

Why was I not good enough? What was I not giving you that you needed? Why would you get in a strange mood over a skill you barely even know!? 

RIP Urist

[Anandar]

DearUrist mcbrewer stop planting and harvesting those plump helmets and BREW them... There are many barrels and pots in storage, and 5 other planters Do it now has been tagged and I know there’s enough plump helmets in storage coz you just took some there... 7 dwarves have died already and 4 of them were important!

[doublestrafe]

Dear Plump Helmet Men and Plump Helmet Women of Ringhollow,

ENOUGH! Why must you insist on taking up my cages? I have nothing against you, and see no reason we should not coexist peacefully, but I have a limited number of cages at the moment, and I need you out of them! I have repeatedly pitted you on a nice gentle slope in the cavern from which you emerged, but every time, you beeline straight back into the cage traps that protect my main staircase from the caverns. So I conceded that perhaps you'd like to join us inside our fine fortress, and pitted you outside, where you were free to come in and make merry in the Earthen Fruits, a fine tavern indeed. What did you do? After a brief skirmish with our overeager war dogs, you charged straight back into the same corridor with the cage traps!

I don't know what to conclude. Either you're behaving like a cat, who demands to go outside only to immediately demand to be let back in, or you simply insist on raising a family inside our cages. Yes, I suppose it is moist and damp inside a glass terrarium. But please. We need those cages. Be free, I beg you.

[pikachu17]

Dear Plump Helmet Men and Plump Helmet Women of Ringhollow,

ENOUGH! Why must you insist on taking up my cages? I have nothing against you, and see no reason we should not coexist peacefully, but I have a limited number of cages at the moment, and I need you out of them! I have repeatedly pitted you on a nice gentle slope in the cavern from which you emerged, but every time, you beeline straight back into the cage traps that protect my main staircase from the caverns. So I conceded that perhaps you'd like to join us inside our fine fortress, and pitted you outside, where you were free to come in and make merry in the Earthen Fruits, a fine tavern indeed. What did you do? After a brief skirmish with our overeager war dogs, you charged straight back into the same corridor with the cage traps!

I don't know what to conclude. Either you're behaving like a cat, who demands to go outside only to immediately demand to be let back in, or you simply insist on raising a family inside our cages. Yes, I suppose it is moist and damp inside a glass terrarium. But please. We need those cages. Be free, I beg you.

Have you tried pitting them into someone they can't easily get out of? They can live happily there, without gumming up the cages.

[Quantum Drop]

Dear Urist McCrossbow, Urist McAxe,

You are being demoted after your recent performance, and the pathetic display your squads put on.

What's the use of training you all and giving you metal bolts, axes, and crossbows if you can't even catch a pair of bloody Kobold thieves? They were out in the open, running towards our fortress, yet you failed to catch them or even shoot at them. That you fail or refuse to train is poor enough, but this incompetence? Be glad that we need you as guards, or I would have you all used as target practice.

Do not fail me again.

- Overseer of Ringedrelics

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist mcspearman

I have been watching you fight and quite frankly you are an idiot
Your spear should be used pointy end towards the elf throat or guts, not shaft smack to the toe repeatedly

No I don't care its an artifact spear made of bismuth you made while possessed, use this platinum one Urist Mc Mastersmith made.

Failure to comply will result in you being demoted to spike arena gladiator


From your frustrated Overseer

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urists McFarmers,

Listen, it's been years since the voice that tells you what to do has dealt with an aquifer. I need to learn how to do that again.
That said, I think I'm doing very well. I know it's slowed us down, but you have to realize that, currently, all the farmable underground locations require walking through the runoff.
Just learn to deal with it. And wash yourselves now and then, you're tracking mud.

[Deus Machina]

Dear militia of Leanfenced,
I understand trolls are fearsome and relatively tough and we didn't have any weaponry yet, but...
Seriously, fifteen of you? For days? After the troll collapsed from exhaustion?
I'm not going to bring up the whole log, because every message is the same, changing only the attacker.
Every. Single. One.

Seriously. Even after it culled entire pages of this...

Days. Over a WEEK. Of you useless drunks not only surrounding it, but trading off when some of you would back away to catch a nap.
No one even got a killing blow. There is no "the troll was struck down" or "the troll dies from blood loss" message or anything. It just decided to not be alive anymore.
For Armok's sake, guys.

[Naturegirl1999]

Dear militia of Leanfenced,
I understand trolls are fearsome and relatively tough and we didn't have any weaponry yet, but...
Seriously, fifteen of you? For days? After the troll collapsed from exhaustion?
I'm not going to bring up the whole log, because every message is the same, changing only the attacker.
Every. Single. One.

Seriously. Even after it culled entire pages of this...

Days. Over a WEEK. Of you useless drunks not only surrounding it, but trading off when some of you would back away to catch a nap.
No one even got a killing blow. There is no "the troll was struck down" or "the troll dies from blood loss" message or anything. It just decided to not be alive anymore.
For Armok's sake, guys.

so everyone used their left hand?

[Deus Machina]

so everyone used their left hand?

Okay, so the attacker and hand changed.
The pages I pulled up didn't even have any kicking.