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[muldrake]

Ah, the old "go to the danger collecting something unnecessary, then get killed by the danger and drop clothing that someone else can collect" thing.

I think that's the most annoying feature of webslinging beasts.  Despite being absurdly dangerous, they leave these attractive nuisances everywhere.  Of course, a combo of a cave spider and a forgotten beast sometimes lead to the same result.

[anewaname]

I think that's the most annoying feature of webslinging beasts.  Despite being absurdly dangerous, they leave these attractive nuisances everywhere.  Of course, a combo of a cave spider and a forgotten beast sometimes lead to the same result.

Yep. 500+ FB silk threads in my cave now.

[ReynTheLord]

Dear Uric McFoodPoisoningSeeingCrazyShit

STOP BESERKING WHENEVER YOU EAT!

[Ironfang]

Dear Urist McOnlyGemCutter

How in Armok's name did you get stuck on top of a cedar tree!

Seriously! How could you do that? Did you climb up there? Are you a gatherer? What gives?
Did the tree just grow while you were standing on it?

Sincerely-Your Pus covered overseer.

[ReynTheLord]

Dear UristMcWebGatherer.

Yes, Gathering webs for thread is an important job.
Yes, I can't make cloth for shit otherwise.
No, That does not mean going near that GCS is a good idea
Unless you lure it into a cage trap.
Which you never do.

[Thisfox]

Dear Urist Mc-Oh-wow-a-cavern!
This is your final warning. We are walling in the caverns RIGHT NOW. If you don't return by the time the wall is finished, consider yourself a settler. You'll have plenty of friends: There are at least two forgotten beasts in there with you as of five minutes ago.
--The Management.

[Nilbert]

Dear Urist McGreenTrails,

You along with all other non-essential dwarves have been assigned outside construction duties to assist our Madam Mayor in building a new visitors center.  You have been given your duty for over a year, and all of your fellow dwarves have taken to their work happily.  They are all used to the harsh sunlight while you seem to have just seen the light for the first time.  Yes, I know it is harsh and you did feel the strong need to listen to bad poetry, but did you really have to volunteer to carry the last block into the visitor's center?  Do you know that this is to be a show place for Madam Mayor?  I wish to inform you that Madam Mayor is not pleased with the disgusting trail that you left that cannot be cleaned up as the visitors center is directly underneath the new retracting visitors entrance.  I also wish to remind you of Madam Mayor's short temper.  Do you not remember what happened to your cousin twenty years ago when she was standing too close to Madam Mayor?  That's right.  Speared to death for just standing in Madam Mayor's personal space.  Please consider yourself lucky, and this your first and last warning.  Any additional lapses in judgement means that you will assist Madam Mayor in welcoming our next visitors.

Sincerely,

Your Overly Generous Overseer

[Staalo]

Dear elven traders from Nidaale,

aren't you supposed to be somewhere else? You told me you were packing up and starting to leave, but now a year has passed and there you still are. Your pack animals are having calves right there on the depot floor. That can't be hygienic. Why aren't you leaving?

also, attention all citizens of Roughcopper,

please stop looting those vile, skid-marked, troll flea-infested loincloths from dead goblin invaders. That's just disgusting. Just dump them like I ordered you to.

Sincerely,
the overseer of Roughcopper

[Derro]

Dear former chief medical dwarf,

When you channel away the one square separating a drain and a murky pool, don't step into the newly created channel moments after. Yes, I know it's empty at that point in time, but trust me, it won't be for long.

So now that you are permanently occupying the hospital (read: hospital-designated cave floor) with a mangled lower arm, I'm going to have to put someone without any diagnostic skills in charge of your recovery. If he decides to remove your pancreas and chop your legs off, it's not my fault.

That said, should you recover, don't expect to be exempt from future mining operations.

With love,

Your Overseer

[Kyubee]

Dear Urist McCaravaneer,

When I'm digging my moat, DON'T PATH YOUR CARAVAN THROUGH THE RAPIDLY FLOODING CREVICE! AM I THE ONLY SMART ONE HERE?

Also, urist McMoron, stop thinking that, because the log on that floor tile youre building is assigned to another floor tile, you can't move it. It's annoying.

Finally, Urist McPartythrower; Stop it. Every time you guys party, you screw something up, such as causing my amrok darn rare sunberry crop to wither!

If you cause one more valuable operation to be jeapordized, i'm calling the goblins again.

Signed,

Your glorious god and overseer, Urist McKyubee.

Dear elves,

Thank you for the continued shipment of exotic animals, but, rather than sending us a twenty-seventh fox, could you maybe send us something for practical reasons beside filling dwarves niche animal preferences? Even giant pandas;While we'd immediately butcher them due to their annoying dining habit, their meat is delicious.

P.S.; Got any grown saguaro wood whips? I heard one makes a good tool for discipline.

Signed, The overseer of copperabbies, the tower of daggers

(Yes I know elves dont have whips in vanilla)

Dear Copperabbies citizens at large;

The area outside the gate is for woodcutters only; any other dwarves to leave the safe, walled off area will be punished to a lifetime of making pitchblende mugs and studding them with lead.

Signed,

Your overseer.

Dear Goblins

Thank you for the continued invasions. Due to your frequent attacks, my iron stocks are up massively, meanwhile my stocks of disposable peasents are kept small; it really keeps the world going fast. We look forward to your next seige!

-the overseer of Copperabbies

Dear Urist Joestar

When I assign you to fight a vampire, I do not mean "punch it" Use some sense, and that silver warhammer I gave you.

-Management

[Pirate Santa]

Dear spiderdwarves,
What?? How!? I see you climbing back and forth over the cavern lake. Why!? What are you trying to achieve!? There is nothing to do over there. Also stop getting beaten up by giant bats its annoying when your corpses clog the fishing zone.

Sincerely,
Eternally confused management.

PS:
You really should advertise you're the only one in the fort with any weaponsmithing skill. I would have put more effort into rescuing you. Hindsight 20/20 and all that.
Also since all 4 of you managed to die in the lake and also I hate you all please note none of you will be receiving burials or memorials. You can haunt that lake for the rest of time, I don't care. It serves you right.

[Lielac]

Dear dwarves of Steelteacher,

It's the fourth year of this fort and I haven't had a single in-house marriage. I am disappointed. Your temple privileges have been revoked until some of you pair the hell off. Edzul Paddledplayed's children can't sustain a multi-generational fort on their own.

Yours in magma,
Overseer Lielac

[Staalo]

Dear Olon Phrasepick,

the Duke will see you now. You can come out of the moat now; you have proven your point already, whatever point that might have been. It's been over six months now, and the Mountainhome is probably expecting their outpost liaison back. Please, be reasonable, there are enough drowned merchants and other visitors in there as it is.

Sincerely,
the Overseer of Roughcopper

[Ironfang]

Dear Mayor of Caverats

I do applaud you for arriving after that Ettin incident to replace our gem cutter. I also thank you for accepting half a dozen petitions after you entered office.

But you still have 30-40 humanoids to meet with. We do not need their petitions to be accepted, but you have not met with any of them beyond thouse first 6. The Liason also needs to be met.

Love- your concerned overseer

[muldrake]

Dear Urist McSculptor and Urist McEngraver.

Please quit doing engravings and statues of that time I got half the fort killed.  I know it was piss poor leadership, but you really don't need to keep rubbing it in.  Let's just say if you keep it up, I'll give the other artists in this fort something else to portray.  Specifically, engravings and statues of you being thrown into magma.