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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1554890 times)

kaysic

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6870 on: January 01, 2017, 05:07:56 pm »

Quote
Etur suffered almost no injuries from the event, nor was it in any way notable or memorable.

Ah, but you see, the statue is not necessarily about Etur's "accident." Rather, it is a commemoration of a comic irony in Dwarven culture - the stoutness of the dwarven child prevailing over the death-trap that minecarts so usually are. What your records fail to state is that not only did Etur receive no injury from the incident, they were in fact so sturdy that the minecart received a sizeable dent. Stories of the incident have been hyperbolized from Etur being struck by the minecart, to Etur intentionally standing in front of the cart as a test of strength, to Etur being some sort of memetic hunter, tracking down and headbutting minecarts wherever they lurk.
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Fleeting Frames

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6871 on: January 02, 2017, 09:49:02 am »

Agreed that it is pretty remarkable. Minecarts have caused the most injuries and deaths in my actual fortresses so far, so for a child as young as they come to not even be injured....Etur you lucky dwarf.

Compared to that, statues of gods seem trite.

Ironfang

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6872 on: January 02, 2017, 03:23:26 pm »

But the cart was also made of extremely light wood. But yes, such an event would still be impressive. Better than my dwarves making a bunch of their works depicting the dozens of masterwork goblets made by a 13 year old girl.
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Human King: "So, how was your travel to dwarven lands?"
Human Diplomat: "Never piss off the dwarves, they have an army of hydras"

Dwarf Cook: "Another baby hydra meat roast coming up!"

Thisfox

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6873 on: January 03, 2017, 08:12:07 pm »

Paging the Broker of GuildPlunge, please report to the trade area immediately. Repeat: Paging the broker. You have had a sleep, have eaten, and had a drink, so you have no more ways of sodding procrastinating left open to you. Paging the broker of Guildplunge, please report to the trade area immediately....
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Mules gotta spleen. Dwarfs gotta eat.
Thisfox likes aquifers, olivine, Forgotten Beasts for their imagination, & dorfs for their stupidity. She prefers to consume gin & tonic. She absolutely detests Facebook.
"Urist McMason died out of pure spite to make you wonder why he was suddenly dead"
Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes!

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6874 on: January 04, 2017, 10:42:35 am »

Dear greater fire imps of my fort,
In some places you would be referred to as a 'minority', but considering you outnumber us 32.5 to one, this seems incorrect.
Why exactly did all 130 of you join us? I guess it's good, because maybe any attacking fire imps might speak diplomatically with you, instead of just burning us to the ground.
with regards,
Your singed overseer.
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YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6875 on: January 04, 2017, 01:08:17 pm »

Paging the Broker of GuildPlunge, please report to the trade area immediately. Repeat: Paging the broker. You have had a sleep, have eaten, and had a drink, so you have no more ways of sodding procrastinating left open to you. Paging the broker of Guildplunge, please report to the trade area immediately....
Urist McBroker withdraws from society...
Urist McBroker cancels Trade at Depot: Taken by mood.
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Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6876 on: January 04, 2017, 04:11:52 pm »

Urist McBroker cancels trade at depot: interrupted by capybara
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I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

anewaname

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6877 on: January 04, 2017, 04:55:14 pm »

Stories of the incident have been hyperbolized from Etur being struck by the minecart, to Etur intentionally standing in front of the cart as a test of strength, to Etur being some sort of memetic hunter, tracking down and headbutting minecarts wherever they lurk.
Huzzah! Another tavern tale is born.
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Quote from: dragdeler
There is something to be said about, if the stakes are as high, maybe reconsider your certitudes. One has to be aggressively allistic to feel entitled to be able to trust. But it won't happen to me, my bit doesn't count etc etc... Just saying, after my recent experiences I couldn't trust the public if I wanted to. People got their risk assessment neurons rotten and replaced with game theory. Folks walk around like fat turkeys taunting the world to slaughter them.

Thisfox

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6878 on: January 04, 2017, 05:04:29 pm »

Paging the Broker of GuildPlunge, please report to the trade area immediately. Repeat: Paging the broker. You have had a sleep, have eaten, and had a drink, so you have no more ways of sodding procrastinating left open to you. Paging the broker of Guildplunge, please report to the trade area immediately....
Urist McBroker withdraws from society...
Urist McBroker cancels Trade at Depot: Taken by mood.

<facedesk> If it's another goddamn leather sceptre, I am giving you a choice between  Cavern Level 1: Steaming Forgotten Beast and Cavern Level 2: Spitting Forgotten Beast, for the rest of your natural life.

Urist McBroker cancels trade at depot: interrupted by capybara

I've had worse. "Urist McBroker has turned into a werewolverine!" .....Most surprised elvish traders EVER.

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Mules gotta spleen. Dwarfs gotta eat.
Thisfox likes aquifers, olivine, Forgotten Beasts for their imagination, & dorfs for their stupidity. She prefers to consume gin & tonic. She absolutely detests Facebook.
"Urist McMason died out of pure spite to make you wonder why he was suddenly dead"
Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes!

Ironfang

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6879 on: January 04, 2017, 07:31:34 pm »

Dear Urist McBroker's next of kin

I am deeply sorry for your loss, but the death of the appraiser of legends is a tragedy for us all.  None know why Urist decided to take part in underground trap setting. All that we do know, is that Jabberers appear to be vengeful. Please take solace in the fact that they were paralyzed below the neck while they bled out on the mossy floor while other civilians fled for their lives until the military arrived.

Sincerely-Your Overseer
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Human King: "So, how was your travel to dwarven lands?"
Human Diplomat: "Never piss off the dwarves, they have an army of hydras"

Dwarf Cook: "Another baby hydra meat roast coming up!"

Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6880 on: January 04, 2017, 09:01:18 pm »

I've had worse. "Urist McBroker has turned into a werewolverine!" .....Most surprised elvish traders EVER.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. I've had were beasts turn in the middle of the mead hall during a performance actually, but were brokers have never been an issue.
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I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

ReynTheLord

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6881 on: January 04, 2017, 11:47:23 pm »

Dear Urist McFruitgatherer,

Don't bother giant black mambas.
It wasn't bothering you, and you had no business attacking and punching the thing to death because you hate snakes.

Poor bugger never stood a chance.
Dear Overseer,

I identify as a mongoose. Don't discriminate.

Signed, Urist McSnakeEater
"I'm stiiiilll... in a dream, Urist mcSnakeEaterrrrrrrrrrrr...."

Now, with that out of the way.

Dear Urist McDoomguy
Yes, digging into the circus may be "Fun", but at least wait till we AT LEAST HAVE A FUNCTIONING FORT UNTIL YOU UNLEASH THE CLOWN CAR! Another issue, uristMcLazybum, stop treating hauling as priority number one.

Urist McDarwinAward, your name is all the explanation I need.
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I am currently trying to comprehend what sick, mad, dwarven mind came up with the fortress name "Lancefondled", because it wasn't me.

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6882 on: January 06, 2017, 03:40:07 pm »

Urist McDarwinAward, your name is all the explanation I need.
Explanation maybe, but not enough story. How did McDarwinAward earn his award?
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ReynTheLord

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6883 on: January 06, 2017, 04:11:15 pm »

Urist McDarwinAward, your name is all the explanation I need.
Explanation maybe, but not enough story. How did McDarwinAward earn his award?

Urist McDarwinAward Decided to go out into the underground caverns near a hostile megabeast to "Gather spider silk" and shit.
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I am currently trying to comprehend what sick, mad, dwarven mind came up with the fortress name "Lancefondled", because it wasn't me.

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6884 on: January 06, 2017, 04:35:52 pm »

Urist McDarwinAward, your name is all the explanation I need.
Explanation maybe, but not enough story. How did McDarwinAward earn his award?

Urist McDarwinAward Decided to go out into the underground caverns near a hostile megabeast to "Gather spider silk" and shit.
Ah, the old "go to the danger collecting something unnecessary, then get killed by the danger and drop clothing that someone else can collect" thing.
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Sigtext!
dwarf 4tress from scratch
The Pikachu revolution!
Thank you NatureGirl19999 for the avatar switcher at http://signavatar.com

A warforged bard named Gender appears and says"Hello. I am a social construct."
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