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[oldmansutton]

To the dwarf who took the stepladder while the expedition leader was up a tree:  "Very funny."

To the expedition leader who eventually had to have the tree he was stranded in chopped down, spent a considerable amount of time healing up from the resulting fall, lost the ability to stand, and gimps around on crutches now:  "Stop going back up in the trees!  You're an engraver now."

[Dunamisdeos]

Dear Citizens,

Most of you are probably going to be forcefully turned into werebeasts in the near future.

Also, we are out of coffee paper.

With Love, your Overseer.

[Derro]

Dear outpost liaison,

When are you going to go insane? I want to see if you can topple that temple statue and get a cool trait. Instead, you just walk around boringly.

With impatient love,

Derro

[pikachu17]

To Adil "I Think I'll Come Off My Break to Build One Statue, Laze Around for a Bit, Then Immediately Take Another Break" Sheriktun:

No.

Did he go into the tavern, library, or temple, or did he actually go on a break, which isn't in the game anymore?

[Infinityforce]

Dear dwarves,
   One day you will be free of oppression. Rigorous and demanding schedules will be no more, and you will live happily in the world.
Until then, move these rocks around and admire this grate, while you mine out a prison and arena for my experiments, which I intend to use to turn some all of you into werebeasts.
   Stop complaining and get back to work. I don't care if you need booze, your existence is worthless and I want you to dig your own grave as quickly and efficiently as possible. Throwing tantrums won't help either, so just quit it. Save your energy and strength for later in my dwarf-werebeast experiments, where you might get turned into a champion of the arena you're digging.
Use your strength to help ME. The alternative is that I chain you up in the prison you're currently digging, as entertainment for the other miners. Or I can chain you up as entertainment for the werebeast. Probably both.
Look, just hurry up and dig this pit so I can turn you into a werebeast within it.

Sincerely, Dunamisdeos.

[Dunamisdeos]

Dear outpost liaison,

When are you going to go insane? I want to see if you can topple that temple statue and get a cool trait. Instead, you just walk around boringly.

With impatient love,

Derro

@Derro: I'm going to try and mass-produce curse effects in captives soon.

@Dwarves: Same message.

[ReynTheLord]

Dear Dwarves, Please learn to avoid fishing near aligators, and to barricade doors if shit hits the fan.

[Derro]

Dear mayor,

I wasn't too happy when you got yourself elected and forced me to spend precious time and platinum on getting you your living quarters, but I still don't understand how you got yourself stuck against the wall when the stairs you were on got deconstructed. At least all other dwarves had the decency of falling a few z-levels, breaking some bones, and resuming their jobs after medical care. You I couldn't get down until I build a completely new set of stairs.

Also, watch it with the dark humor. Banning the export of coffins is fine, but don't do so right after the aforementioned dwarves fell down.

Love, your overseer

[sculleywr]

Dear Besmar Geshudushat, aka, Urist McStupidwoodcutter.

I do not know what you did to manage to break your leg with pear wood logs while cutting down the tree. Did nobody teach you basic woodcutting safety? Oh well, at least you got enough wood cut to get our starting provisions made. You can die out there in the plains outside of Boatarmored. Your useless corpse shall stand as a reminder of what happens to incompetent morons in this fortress
Sincerely,
the impersonal voice that speaks in your heads

[scourge728]

Dear various members of various races in my fort:
I don't CARE if there are inter-dimensional rifts all over the fortress JUST WALK AROUND THEM when you go IN them time flows backwards

Dear whoever is causing inter-dimensional rifts in my fortress
Stop or I swear when the mages finish the spells that let me break reality I WILL come for you, murder you, loot your place and force the rifts closed with duct tape if I have too

(Explanation for you all: Inter-dimensional rifts are unit-occupancy errors (or atleast I THINK that's what the error is), time flowing backwards is the game crashing, the spells that let me break reality is df-hack, finishing=updating, the mages are whoever makes that (I don't really feel like checking who atm) 

[sculleywr]

Dear Urist McUseless

You took valuable time away from the farms that provide for our 60 hungry dwarves. What was the purpose of this? You decided to go make a freaking cup! A cup! The last two artifacts were actually useful. Our Captain of the Guard is armed with an artifact iron warhammer. There is an artifact quern built in our second workshop level. What possessed you to make a freaking cup? Get your ass back to the fields before I feed you to Boatarmor's atom smasher.

[SQman]

Dear buiders

Personally I don't think birds are scary, and I respect your right to have different opinions. What I don't accept is you completely cancelling work on important project because a kea is flying fifty meters above your heads. You could just smack it with a brick if it gets too close.

[steel jackal]

dear everybody complaining about the miasma in the dining room: stop complaining and throw the rotting corpse in the refuse stockpile if its offending your nose that much

[ReynTheLord]

Dear Dwarves, Stop thinking like this about an invading foce and rushing them

Instead of just letting the military and traps do their jobs.

[steel jackal]

Dear Dwarves, Stop thinking like this about an invading foce and rushing them

Instead of just letting the military and traps do their jobs.

try a civilian alert to force all your dwarves to go to a certain burrow at the same time with just one click, usually works for me