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[wierd]

Listen here, Urist McSoCalledScribe---

Just because I unlocked the door to the library to let you out, DOES NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO STOCKPILE AN OBSIDIAN BOULDER ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE EMBARK, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU REFUSE TO COPY ANY BOOKS.

I went through all the trouble of creating a very nice library for you, with smoothed walls, fancy tables and chairs, storage for blank quires, book cases, and everything.

I assigned you, and 8 others a nice cooshy gig where all you have to do is make copies of books the visiting scholars feel compelled to write.

What do the lot of you do instead?  Stand around lolligagging, and when I open the library door to let more scholars in, what do you do? BEELINE RIGHT FOR THE FARTHEST POSSIBLE BOULDER.

You are fortunate that I am a merciful, benevolent overseer, as other, more emotional overseers would arrange an "accident" for this kind of shameful disobedience.

Instead, I have removed all other labors from you and your fellow scribes. It is very simple. I dont want you to do ANYTHING ELSE, I only want you to copy books. If I catch you instead deciding that you need to hang around in the temple complex, or worse, decide that you need to dance with that rabble of goblin performers in the tavern, I will be most angry with you.

[Fish Preferred]

Dear Uvash Dikerooms:
If the last five dwarves who ran out into the mucous rain to set that cage trap haven't returned yet, racing out after them with another cage probably isn't a good idea.

Dear Friends from the Mountainhomes:
What in Armok's name possessed you to send eleven more traders? We barely get enough trade for the broker to justify her own existence. Please send your unqualified unskilled salsedwarves elsewhere.

Dear Fruit Gatherers:
I assigned this task to nearly everyone in the hopes that you would be able to do the job more quickly as a group. I see now that I was in error. While I do appreciate that each of you took the time to pick up at least one berry, the aim of this exercise is to actually bring the fruit to an appropriate stockpile and then carry on with your lives. This is not complicated. Really. Just walk over to the food storage and drop whatever you collected in there. Don't stand out in the field holding one berry for weeks on end; it doesn't work.

[PyroTechno]

Listen here, Urist McSoCalledScribe---

Just because I unlocked the door to the library to let you out, DOES NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO STOCKPILE AN OBSIDIAN BOULDER ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE EMBARK, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU REFUSE TO COPY ANY BOOKS.

I went through all the trouble of creating a very nice library for you, with smoothed walls, fancy tables and chairs, storage for blank quires, book cases, and everything.

I assigned you, and 8 others a nice cooshy gig where all you have to do is make copies of books the visiting scholars feel compelled to write.

What do the lot of you do instead?  Stand around lolligagging, and when I open the library door to let more scholars in, what do you do? BEELINE RIGHT FOR THE FARTHEST POSSIBLE BOULDER.

You are fortunate that I am a merciful, benevolent overseer, as other, more emotional overseers would arrange an "accident" for this kind of shameful disobedience.

Instead, I have removed all other labors from you and your fellow scribes. It is very simple. I dont want you to do ANYTHING ELSE, I only want you to copy books. If I catch you instead deciding that you need to hang around in the temple complex, or worse, decide that you need to dance with that rabble of goblin performers in the tavern, I will be most angry with you.

Check their personalities. Do they hate working, or some such?

[Henry47]

Dear Urist McThreeYearOld, please don't play on the railway tracks. It was stupid enough the first time round, but i thought seeing your two year old friend killed before your very eyes and you having your own arm mangled by a mine-cart full of wood logs would be enough to convince you playing on the railway tracks was a bad idea.

Appears i was wrong, and now I've had to go to the trouble of creating an everywhere except the railway tracks burrow to put you in. Hopefully that should stop your stupidly, so your parents don't have to suffer like your poor friends.

Kind regards, Fortress Overseer who does no wish to have to be a nanny to his dwarves.

 

[wierd]

Listen here, Urist McSoCalledScribe---

Just because I unlocked the door to the library to let you out, DOES NOT MEAN I WANT YOU TO STOCKPILE AN OBSIDIAN BOULDER ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE EMBARK, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU REFUSE TO COPY ANY BOOKS.

I went through all the trouble of creating a very nice library for you, with smoothed walls, fancy tables and chairs, storage for blank quires, book cases, and everything.

I assigned you, and 8 others a nice cooshy gig where all you have to do is make copies of books the visiting scholars feel compelled to write.

What do the lot of you do instead?  Stand around lolligagging, and when I open the library door to let more scholars in, what do you do? BEELINE RIGHT FOR THE FARTHEST POSSIBLE BOULDER.

You are fortunate that I am a merciful, benevolent overseer, as other, more emotional overseers would arrange an "accident" for this kind of shameful disobedience.

Instead, I have removed all other labors from you and your fellow scribes. It is very simple. I dont want you to do ANYTHING ELSE, I only want you to copy books. If I catch you instead deciding that you need to hang around in the temple complex, or worse, decide that you need to dance with that rabble of goblin performers in the tavern, I will be most angry with you.

Check their personalities. Do they hate working, or some such?

Already looked into.  They have the "respects knowledge" and associated tags. They should be excellent scribes. They just won't copy anything.  I will try recreating the library and reassigning them when I get home.

[muldrake]

I'm not sure if there's a Urist equivalent for elves, or particularly elven diplomats.  So I'm just calling this bastard Treehugger McCannibal.

Dear Treehugger McCannibal:

I'm not sure exactly what you did to deserve being in my fortress eating food and doing whatever the hell else you think you're doing here.  Apparently you consider yourself some kind of diplomat.

I'm not sure if you remember the last few months, even though you have been lurking around here annoying people for quite some time.  But one of those events involved half the fortress being slaughtered by goblins, trolls, and beak dogs while we fought them off with mostly copper weapons but a few silver maces and hammers and so on.

We decided we needed steel at that point.  So we needed some iron.  Some more iron.  Some flux stone.  But we needed some sources of carbon, and those just happened to have included trees, because we have no damn sedimentary layers here.

Anyway, for a diplomat, you have lousy timing.  And after yet another gobbo invasion, where we again took huge losses, we finally got steel production up and running and our troops have been happily sparring since.

And then you come to us with some whinging demand that we have somehow insulted something by cutting down some trees to do this.

I don't think you've noticed that you're the only filthy hippie scum in this fortress, and that you're surrounded by dwarves who have suffered enormously recently, and have armed themselves with steel, and have been practicing with it for a bit.

Well, guess what?  We told your buddy here with your caravan last year to shove off with the tree quota thing.

Our troops need some practice besides sparring with each other with these new steel weapons.

Guess who's our next sparring partner?  Except it won't be sparring, and you're not a partner.

(Treehugger McCannibal was not hard to kill after his insulting popup message complaining about trees.)

[Madrigal]

Dear overseer,
The river is frozen solid. I can’t get any water from it no matter how much I pump.
Yours sincerely,
Urist McExhausted


Dear Urist McFruitgatherer,
When you climbed up into a tree to gather fruit, you stood directly on the corpse of your buddy, who died last year after getting stuck in that tree. It wouldn't have been all that much effort to take the body down with you. Even just kicking it off the branches onto the ground would have been an improvement.
Yours truly,
The overseer.

[Pirate Santa]

Dear Urist McDrowneds,

For the love of Armok stop falling into the river! Stop standing on bridges while they're being replaced! Stop swimming deeper into the river instead of climbing up onto dry land! And you! The mason who fell of a perfectly stable bridge from apparently sheer stupidity, what the circus!?

Sincerely,
Your incredibly annoyed Overseer.

Dear Urist McCMD

Congratulations on the promotion, try to be less of an idiot than your predecessor.

Sincerely,
The Overseer.

[muldrake]

For the love of Armok stop falling into the river! Stop standing on bridges while they're being replaced! Stop swimming deeper into the river instead of climbing up onto dry land! And you! The mason who fell of a perfectly stable bridge from apparently sheer stupidity, what the circus!?

>tfw you have an idiot dwarf who does all these kinds of things
>and then they elect him mayor
>repeatedly

[Pirate Santa]

For the love of Armok stop falling into the river! Stop standing on bridges while they're being replaced! Stop swimming deeper into the river instead of climbing up onto dry land! And you! The mason who fell of a perfectly stable bridge from apparently sheer stupidity, what the circus!?

>tfw you have an idiot dwarf who does all these kinds of things
>and then they elect him mayor
>repeatedly

I'm actually really happy with the democratic process in this fort. They've elected my dedicated master brewer every year since we've been large enough to have a mayor. I can't help imagining he's paying off everyone with booze. Truly this is dwarven democracy at its finest.

[Virex]

Ok, so can anyone explain to me why fishing seems to have such an absurdly high priority? To me it seems that if I allow a dwarf to loiter around the pond, she'll do so aout 90% of the time, even when I've got enough food for the next 5 years...

[wierd]

they heard legends of the monster carp, and want to make names for themselves?

[userpay]

Dear dwarves that keep falling into the magma tube,

Yes I know it's my fault that you all keep plummeting to your deaths. It is my first time with cave ins and I keep forgetting they're a thing. By the love of Armok could you at least have the decency to have been killed by the magma you somehow sink through safely rather than 'disappearing'?

[Plump Helmet]

To Adil "I Think I'll Come Off My Break to Build One Statue, Laze Around for a Bit, Then Immediately Take Another Break" Sheriktun:

No.

[Infinityforce]

Dear dwarves.
Quit wandering around outside. Dangerous crap lurks out here. Close the doors, and for GOD'S SAKE STOP LEAVING SOCKS IN DOORWAYS, YOU KNOW WE CAN'T CLOSE THEM-
Great. Now a werecreature/beast is in our fortress. Fucking great.
I spend an hour building enormous fences and roofing and I'm foiled by a dwarf's dirty sock. Fuck you Urist. Everyone is dead, and it's your fault.
Fuck.

Love, your overseer, who will abandon you and start a new fortress.