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[Walrusking]

Dear migrants,

we're building a tower. It's been half a year. Where are you?!?

Sincerely,
Fortress of Skinrags

[scourge728]

Dear Urist Mcmilitary's
I SAID STOP SPARRING WITH THE CATS!!!! we have plenty of war black bears (yay for modding) if you REALLY have to spar with an animal

[StarWars1981]

Dear Urist McTrader,

If 300 coins' worth of profit isn't good enough for you, and then 400 and 500 aren't, and you tell me "Perhaps next time you'll take me seriously", one of two things will happen: you die in there, or I savescum because dangit, they lied to me, the only deep metal is ADAMANTINE. So much for deep metal"s". Next time, you will die in there, being a dwarf or not. You earned 4500 coins total there, for barely 4000 worth of metal objects to me, yet you were OFFENDED by that much profit?

It won't happen again,
The Overseer

Dear Urist McBroker,
Level up, dang you. I won't savescum again because you can't convince the blockhead trader to trade for HIS profit and not MINE. I'm trying to build up enough wealth to ANGER THE GOBLINS. That was the whole point of embarking NEXT TO THEM. So quit SABOTAGING MY EFFORTS!

Don't fail me again,
The Overseer

[Fleeting Frames]

Trade value required = *1,5 of trade goods asked. No need to try multiple times; I've never had a trade rejected following this rule.

[Feathermind]

Dear Urist McTrader,

If 300 coins' worth of profit isn't good enough for you, and then 400 and 500 aren't, and you tell me "Perhaps next time you'll take me seriously", one of two things will happen: you die in there, or I savescum because dangit, they lied to me, the only deep metal is ADAMANTINE. So much for deep metal"s". Next time, you will die in there, being a dwarf or not. You earned 4500 coins total there, for barely 4000 worth of metal objects to me, yet you were OFFENDED by that much profit?

It won't happen again,
The Overseer

The journey to a budding dwarven outpost is dangerous and expensive.  A 12.5% increase on the base value of traded goods barely even begins to cover the travel expenses.  They also need to make enough profit to make up for all the caravans lost to dragons, titans, rocs, bronze collossi, goblins, giants, zombies, hydras, werebeasts, irate dwarves, cyclopses, ettins, volcanic activity* and other accidents, and for unprofitible ventures due to lack of sales or collapse of the outpost before they arrived. Why, a number of times they've arrived at an outpost to find the dwarves had somehow delved into the underworld itself and unleashed a horde of unimaginable horrors which now run the fortress, refuse to trade more than base value for goods and occasionally set the wagons on fire by proximity, which isn't all that different from dealing with dwarven traders but at least with dwarves there was the possibility of profit once they were up to their ears in gold and forgotten beast meat and more interested in your ability to take some of it off their hands than anything you had to offer.

*Many civilizations have reported losing caravans to sudden floods of lava or magma at dwarven outposts, often in areas which had no notable volcanic activity before the dwarves arrived.  Elvish geologists blame the increased volcanic activity on reduced tectonic stability caused by clearcutting.  In the hopes of preventing future incidents, the elves have banned dwarf wood imports and urge dwarven outposts to limit their treefelling to a predefined quota.

[Fleeting Frames]

*Many civilizations have reported losing caravans to sudden floods of lava or magma at dwarven outposts, often in areas which had no notable volcanic activity before the dwarves arrived.  Elvish geologists blame the increased volcanic activity on reduced tectonic stability caused by clearcutting.  In the hopes of preventing future incidents, the elves have banned dwarf wood imports and urge dwarven outposts to limit their treefelling to a predefined quota.

Hm. On the face of it, trees aren't that big, but it sounds disturbingly plausible when you consider that almost every fortress where there were sudden and new volcanic eruptions ignored the quota, and our Mathematicians assure the odds of that happening by random chance is minimal.

There must be additional factors though for it doesn't happen on every clearcutting they commit. More ↑↑science↑↑ is required.

I do fear burning like the trees, though. Lets send some adventurers into the area first. They're gullible; telling them there's treasure will be easily enough.

[saltmummy626]

Dear Dwarves of Mosscaverns,

          This fortress of ours is home to 143 owls. Please dwarves, please, place them in the specified cage. It's not that time is mysteriously slowing down because of it, it's because of what happens to you guys when the owls get antsy. Lets not have a repeat of what happened to Urist McGemcutter. Or Cog McCarpenter. Or Vucar McMiner. Or Urdim McAnimaltrainer. Or Udim McSevenotherdwarves. Please. The fortress is rapidly running out of fingers, eyes, and FPS. Cage the owls.

Your concerned overseer.

[Walrusking]

Dwarves of Skinrags,

A library is a place of study and reflection. Please refrain from storing wombat corpses in the library. We have a garbage disposal for this one floor up.

Sincerely,
Overseer

[pikachu17]

Dear !VULCANS!,
I understand that you have no emotions, but is it really logical to attack a fire-breathing salamander without any shields?

Sincerely, your happy Overseer(my first loss! ).

[scourge728]

Dear Urist, John, and gobbo McVisitors
When I said the tavern and temple were now for citizens only that also meant leave before time froze from the amount of you in there constantly
Lagginly,
Scourge the overseer

[Derro]

Dear traders,

First of all, props for making it through several dozen of evil or savage world map squares all the way to my fortress. Shows real dedication. You even killed some of the undead outside for me, which I appreciate.

However, if I offer you a 650 profit, please consider actually accepting my offer. I only have silver, tin and lead to work with here: I'm going to need to buy copper or iron if you want me to make this colony flourish. Don't force me to lock you in and then plunder your still-warm corpses.

Also, reanimating and forcing me to close off yet another entrance to my fortress was unnecessary.

[scourge728]

Dear Everyone in my fortress
 I asked you to put the poultry, the cats and the war animals and their 6 million babies in cages, build a lever and a bridge so I can do something about the corpses and vermin and move the bodies to a dumping zone while we wait. CAN YOU NOT FEEL TIME SLOWING AROUND YOU
Lagginly,
Scourge the overseer

[LordFreezer]

Dear Lanterns of Roughness, Defenders of Oilyballs (hehe)

I admit I've neglected you.  Our steel industry is waiting on our miners to bring forth Armok's blood from the depths, a time consuming task.  Most of you have had to make do with whatever I could obtain from the traders.  Except for the Militia Commander, none of you have any armour and two of you are even using filthy elven weapons, which I assume earns copious amounts of ridicule from your comrades.

Despite all this, some congratulations are in order.  When the Weregila attacked, you all threw yourselves into the fray without hesitation.  Your initial strategy of hacking off each limb, was brilliant.  Kicking the monster in the mouth was unnecessary, but certainly brought a smile to my face when its teeth went flying everywhere.  Disembowelling the beast was a fitting way to end this slaughter.  To top it all off, none of you sustained an injury more serious than a bruise.

Thanks to your terrifying display of might, the fortress will sleep easy tonight.  Well done.

The Overseer

[scourge728]

Dear UristMcmilitary
I see you still won't stop sparring with the dogs, but the main reason I am sending this is because you need to be more like this:

Dear Lanterns of Roughness, Defenders of Oilyballs (hehe)

I admit I've neglected you.  Our steel industry is waiting on our miners to bring forth Armok's blood from the depths, a time consuming task.  Most of you have had to make do with whatever I could obtain from the traders.  Except for the Militia Commander, none of you have any armour and two of you are even using filthy elven weapons, which I assume earns copious amounts of ridicule from your comrades.

Despite all this, some congratulations are in order.  When the Weregila attacked, you all threw yourselves into the fray without hesitation.  Your initial strategy of hacking off each limb, was brilliant.  Kicking the monster in the mouth was unnecessary, but certainly brought a smile to my face when its teeth went flying everywhere.  Disembowelling the beast was a fitting way to end this slaughter.  To top it all off, none of you sustained an injury more serious than a bruise.

Thanks to your terrifying display of might, the fortress will sleep easy tonight.  Well done.

The Overseer

and less puking your guts out constantly as soon as you step into the sunlight
annoyed and disgusted,
Scourge the Overseer

[Eric Blank]

Dear Scourge the Overseer

If you put our training barracks us outside, or well lit, we wouldn't become cave adapted and loss our lunch!

Sincerely, militia commander