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[AdeptusEldritchus]

Dear Dorfs,

Thank you for, when I designate a burrow to save your lives a layer below you, calmly walking to the ground above it and stopping.

Please don't go outside again.

[ManaUser]

Dear Urist McCleaner,

It's true that the caverns are very dirty, that possum beast made quite a mess. And your initiative to start cleaning all that crundle blood at the first opportunity is certainly admirable. But the thing is, dear dwarf, the caverns are dangerous and we don't spend much time down there anyway. Every one of you is important to me I will not have your endanger yourselves needlessly.

Now go mop up the vomit in the tavern. Seriously, why won't anyone clean the vomit?

--Overseer

[noirscape]

Dear Urist McCleaner,

It's true that the caverns are very dirty, that possum beast made quite a mess. And your initiative to start cleaning all that crundle blood at the first opportunity is certainly admirable. But the thing is, dear dwarf, the caverns are dangerous and we don't spend much time down there anyway. Every one of you is important to me I will not have your endanger yourselves needlessly.

Now go mop up the vomit in the tavern. Seriously, why won't anyone clean the vomit?

--Overseer

Dear Overseer ManaUser,

If you want me to clean inside the fortress, assign me to one of those burrow things that contains only the inside of the fortress. I won't go out of it unless I'm idle!

Greetings,
UristMcCleaner

[ManaUser]

Dear Urist McCleaner,

It seems you have misinterpreted your assignment to the tavern burrow as some kind of official vacation. I understand there are interesting performances happening, I know you feel vengeful over whatever petty quarrel is going on recently, but can't you put that aside for a moment when the floor is over half vomit! Don't you care at all?

--Overseer

[ManMan]

Dear Urist McButcher,

could you please tell me why you keep ignoring the wild animals that I kill? Seriously, I told you to butcher them, but nothing. I put a corpse stockpile in front of your shop, but nobody carries the body there. Do you want to starve?

Sincerely,
an angry noob.

[nimbus25]

Dear the entirety of Cryptmurders,

How in Armok's name did the front bridge get lowered without me ordering it to be lowered? And why did every one of you immediately run out to the castle building grounds into the very same building as a freaking DRAGON? What did you expect to happen?!

[Carefulrogue]

Dear the entirety of Cryptmurders,

How in Armok's name did the front bridge get lowered without me ordering it to be lowered? And why did every one of you immediately run out to the castle building grounds into the very same building as a freaking DRAGON? What did you expect to happen?!

There's a story here...


Here's one, albeit kinda old:

Dear Urist McClean-cleaner,

At the moment, as you have yet to figure out, the fortress is locked down because of a swamp titan that breathes fire.  If you would be so kind as to stop cleaning and get your ass outside to pick up a piece of wood, this can all end with you and Stran safely on other sides of the same wall.  If you build any of the half dozen stills, you can continue you pitiful existence and pray to your gods that a goblin or kobold won’t take your life.  You will notice that the ponds in the distance, the only source of “fresh” water on the surface as the true fortress dwellers had found out, freezes in the winter!  It is autumn!! Get on with it!  They want out, and I want your head! 

We don’t have the resources to deal with a rampaging titan that breathes fire.  The danger room isn’t completely ready, the army is a bunch of morons with pointy wooden sticks, and the archers don’t like to aim for the head.  A scum save taught me that.  So for the love of Armok GET TO WORK!!!!!  Wall him it while he #$%&@ a door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely with hate, rage, and a zero tolerance of stupidity, your overseer,

Northwinds

Ps.  You are dead.  You walked right up to the titan to say hi.  I understand that dwarves like to be more accommodating with other races. BUT it is a TITAN.  It isn’t friendly and yet you walked right up to it and stood straight while it cut your throat, neck and spine in one go.  And then it proceeded to light your corpse on fire.  Please burn in Hell. 

Your frustrated overseer.

[Carefulrogue]

Note to Urists Mcinfected-with-lycanthropy,

It would he nice if you all just keeled over and died, instead of infecting the rest of the fort. Now, in light of most everyone dying, turning into one of you monsters, or somehow not going insane do to the rabid changes you regularly go through once a month, I've deemed it necessary to wall you in.  Lacking an interest in continuing to watch over you all, I bid you farewell.  Enjoy your lonely existences in a sealed vault with more corpses than usual.

Sincerely,

A tired overseer.

[MoonyTheHuman]

Dear Urist McTortiseWerebeast
Stop trying to run into the fort traps when you are suppost to be murdering goblins

[SimRobert2001]

OVerseer Nimbus25:
Its a fort called cryptmurders, so, what did you REALLY expect?
-Signed, dwarves.

[pikachu17]

Dear Kel morningpants,
While it is cool that you managed to somehow become a lengedary crutch-walker without medical history of broken legs, I have no need of a legendary crutchwalker. hope you like hauling limonite and constructing walls!

                              Regards,
                           Your Semi-Evil Overlord

[ToastGoats]

Dear dwarves,

When building walls to keep things out of the fort, please do not build the wall while you're inside the room I want sealed away so I don't have to unseal it.

Remember UristMcWeremonitor?
No?
That's because he killed everyone in my old fort.

Sincerely,
Toast

[Sanctume]

Dear Urist McQueen, 

I don't care if you are stung by 100 thousand bees.  Just harvest those royal jellies for the Mead Hall.

[HandofCreation0]

Dear My ENTIRE Marksdwarf division,

When I ordered you to man the walls and mow down the goblins and trolls standing right outside it, I did not specify you to fire off only one volley of bolts and then proceed to scale my walls, JUMP DOWN three Z levels and engage the goblins and trolls in hand to hand combat. You had entire quivers of bolts left to fire.

The rest of my military did not appreciate having to drop the drawbridge and go clean up the mess you all made and kill the rest of the goblins, and I'm sure the three warriors that died didn't appreciate it either. The 10 coffins made for you will not go into the hall of Champions and instead into the mass graveyard outside. In the rain.

You all were also my best hunters and provided a good portion of the food my fortress needed to survive. Next time around I'm putting a roof over your heads so that you don't get anymore bright ideas.

Sincerely,
Your Lovingly Irritated Overseer

[Sus]

Dear Scholars,
You spend the better part of a year pondering on pulmonary medicine or foraging behavior, and then you write...
a 1-page Armok-damned autobiography?! Seriously? 
Get over your stupid egos already.

Okay, one of you actually wrote a travel guide to the fortress, so that's OK I guess...

Dear Scribes,

Y U no copy book?