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[Rince Wind]

In related news:

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer,
Why do you continuously let our trained animals slip all the way back to wild before retraining? There's no way I'm ever letting them out of their cages if you can't get your act together.

-Overseer of Fort Strangelove

I think while in cages they won't be retrained unless they revert to wild. If you want to haven them retrained you need to take the risk and take them out of their boxes.

[TheFlame52]

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer,

I decided to check up on your skill level, and was surprised to see that it was not only merely at "adequate", but that it was rusty. How can this be, when you have a dozen war-dogs, a dozen puppies (that will become war dogs) and a Roc(!) assigned to you personally? Animal training has been your primary duty for the past twelve years, with other responsibilities minimized to leave time for your important work.

What gives?

Sincerely,

your ever-frustrated overseer.

In related news:

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer,
Why do you continuously let our trained animals slip all the way back to wild before retraining? There's no way I'm ever letting them out of their cages if you can't get your act together.

-Overseer of Fort Strangelove

Dear Overseer:

Maybe if you made a zone, then designated it as a pasture and an animal training site, then put the animals there, I would train them!

Sincerely,
Urist McAnimalTrainer

[HMS Kaiser]

Dear Captain of the Guard,

Holy Armok Almighty your performance in the last seige defense of approx. 40 gobbos, 8 trolls and 10 beak dogs was commendable... Seeing as you had only 20 dwarves in your milita at the time... But for the love of all that is holy, use your hammer more often. You're LITERALLY legendary with it but I saw you tear apart a beak dogs leg with your teeth...granted you ended up jamming its brain through the skull eventually with your named hammer, but you definitely could have saved time... But don't hate me... You're actually terrifying... I saw you punch a gobbos hand into an explosion of gore, kick another gobbo unconscious with your left foot and then brain a seperate gobbo to death...almost all at the same time...with the beak dogs leg still firmly in your teeth...

Sincerely,
A Nervous Overseerer

[MobRules]

Dear Overseer:

Maybe if you made a zone, then designated it as a pasture and an animal training site, then put the animals there, I would train them!

Sincerely,
Urist McAnimalTrainer

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer:

You want I should let an untrained Roc out of it's cage and assign it to a *pasture*?

*sigh*. I've commenced construction of an airlocked room with cage traps in the airlock and just outside. I'll build the Roc's cage in there, and attach a lever to release it from the cage remotely. Have fun, hope you don't get yourself killed.

I assumed with all the war-dogs you've trained and your constant re-training of the caged roc, your animal-training skills would be getting plenty of practice, but apparently not.

~~Linda

[cochramd]

Dear Overseer:

Maybe if you made a zone, then designated it as a pasture and an animal training site, then put the animals there, I would train them!

Sincerely,
Urist McAnimalTrainer

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer:

You want I should let an untrained Roc out of it's cage and assign it to a *pasture*?

*sigh*. I've commenced construction of an airlocked room with cage traps in the airlock and just outside. I'll build the Roc's cage in there, and attach a lever to release it from the cage remotely. Have fun, hope you don't get yourself killed.

I assumed with all the war-dogs you've trained and your constant re-training of the caged roc, your animal-training skills would be getting plenty of practice, but apparently not.

~~Linda

Dear Overseer:

You know, if you're really so worried about this roc losing its training levels and rampaging across the fort I could just make a chain for it. Also, a war dog only needs to be trained once so they're not good "practice."

Signed, Urist McBlackmith.

[Prop42]

Bards, Mercenaries, and all other visitors,

Stop trying to exit the area by walking directly into waterfalls spanning 20 levels. We have a perfectly good bridge, and you are encouraged to use it. There is nothing in that ravine except hippos, sharp rocks, and painful death.

Honestly concerned about the education system in your place or origin,
The Overseer

[MoonyTheHuman]

Dear Urist McCatLover
You do not need a cat alongside your 8 children, stop this madness please
A Concerned overseer, rolling out

[khearn]

Dear "Brewer" Gimavuz, Duke Consort of Tombsholes,

In general, when one encounters a giant honey badger in the woods, the proper course of action, especially if one is unarmed, is to run away from it, not to charge towards it and attempt to beat it with your fists. The giant honey badger that you met today actually tried to run away from you, giving you every opportunity to escape. But no, you had to chase it.

Now, should one be overtake by alcohol-fueled bravado and decide to chase a giant honey badger through the woods and the giant honey badger should jump into a pond, just about everyone would agree that it's a very bad idea to jump in after it. Especially if one doesn't know how to swim. It was no surprise to anyone but you when the badger then proceeded to drag you underwater and hold you there, while biting and shaking off your right foot and right arm. I'm not sure if you drowned or died from blood loss, but either way, you got what you deserved.

You'll be happy to know that the melee squad showed up just a few moments after you died and easily killed the giant honey badger. They had weapons, and they stayed on solid ground.

   Sincerely,

      Your Overseer




Dear Bomrek Kacothid, Duchess of Tombsholes,

I can only assume you chose him for his beard, not his brain.

      O.

[Insert_Gnome_Here]

Dear haulers of Ghostink,

We have genocided the trees. When you look forth from the fortifications, you see nothing but poles of thousands of logs strewn everywhere. Please use the logs closest to you rather than wondering halfway across the map during what is a zombie siege.

Yours sincerely, your overseer.

[khearn]

Overseer,

But it *was* the closest log to me when I was in the tavern and got the message saying I needed to build more beds. It was right over my head.

   Urist McGhost
   Former Carpenter

[noirscape]

Dear Dwarven Merchants,

I understand, that body parts laying around the Depot are scary. So was the blood that was on the Depot. But if you looked closely, there was only Elven blood on it. Not dwarven. So the next time you arrive, don't let one wagon arrive in the Depot, take a look, scream and run away. Also I nicked all of your shit. Don't worry, we will give back the copper figurines next year.

Greetings,
Overseer ev1l0rd

Dear Elven Merchants,

Please come more. I need more of your blood and body parts to decorate my fort refined taste in wood. My dwarves quite like the color of it.

Greetings,
Overseer ev1l0rd

[pikachu17]

Dear Monom mcmilitiacommander

Sorry that you were locked in a hospital with two werebeasts when you weren't a werebeast, but you HAD been bitten by Kol the young Were-badger.
Even so, did you have to posses my best metalist And make him kill my best carpenter, especialy since I engraved and constructed a slab immediately after you possessed him?

Goodbye,
Pikachu17, Door god

[Insert_Gnome_Here]

Dear historians of The Ageless Universe,
    I am greatly displeased with the accuracy of your historical records.



I distinctly remember the presence of at least 20 heavily armed corpses with the human lasher, and that the heroic efforts of the siege operators killed 6 of them and maimed many more.
I am now personally seeing to it that Ghostink will carve its legacy on the world in blood, especially that of historians.

Sincerely, Overseer of Ghostink

[Dutrius]

To the citizens of Windfang:

Ok, which one of you scared away the caravan this autumn? I got the notice that they had arrived, and when I went to see them, they were nowhere to be seen.

Also, who decided that a region without elves would be a good place to settle? Now who are we supposed to annoy?

[Insanegame27]

Dear overseer Dutrius,
The lads and I thought it would be a good idea to pull a prank, we're getting bored here without any elves to kill and annoy. Which is your fault, really, if you had tabbed through that wonderful map you had been using to choose where we go, you would have seen that elves were too far to be considered a neighbor.


Sincerely,
The lads