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[Prop42]

(words from prop)

I've had a couple of troubles with beds as of late, and have some advice that might help you.
If any other dwarf is doing something on top of the bed (especially children inexplicably playing make belief on their parent's bed), they will not sleep in it. Also, if they get too tired/walk too far to their bed, they may just give up and nap on the ground.
Might not apply to you, but that's what I know.

The funny part is, he walked all the way to their bed, and then just gave up after plodding around their room for a bit. There weren't any children, and there wasn't anything else in the room, he just couldn't deduce how beds worked, and walked around in a circle for 5 minutes.

[Romeofalling]

Dear Urist McMigrantWave,

I'm not entirely sure where you're from or what you were expecting our fortress to be, but EIGHT Fisherdwarves? Are we a tourist fishing destination?

(tangent: Actually, that's an interesting design concept.)

[Foxite]

Open letter to all dwarves in Brightbanner:

We just bought a truckload of meat and booze from the dwarven caravan. Dancing, socializing, and meditating is great and all, but making sure that all of our new food doesn't start rotting is more important for now. Please put it in the barrels that were just made.

Dear Urist McMigrantWave,

I'm not entirely sure where you're from or what you were expecting our fortress to be, but EIGHT Fisherdwarves? Are we a tourist fishing destination?

(tangent: Actually, that's an interesting design concept.)

Dear Mr Overseer,

Like most o' the migrants, we were told that the river's flowin' with alcohol. It seems it doesn't... but we were all curious 'bout what might live in there.

[PABadger]

Dear Urist McMilker:

Did you just milk the cat?

Seriously, ordered two creatures milked (via the manager menu) and one of my dwarves grabbed the female cat from the food stockpile, carried her to the farmer's workshop, and then carried her back. No cat milk appears on the stocks screen, though.

I love this game.

[dennislp3]

Dear Urist McSpidermonkey,

You went missing for two weeks...your overseer was worried by this because he cares....and because the outpost was made in an absurdly  thick forest with snakes and other random deadly animals.

I sent the militia to patrol the forest for nearly a month to no avail...I made an empty coffin for you and made a slab which spoke of your disappearance.

Not long after we found your corpse....dehydrated...on the top layers of a tree.

How the fuck did you get up there and why did you not climb down? This is probably one of the most lowly ways to die in all the land as it appears you were trying to be an elf. The only thing you could do to disgrace your name worse would be to siege your brothers with an elven army. I am glad you were a worthless hauler peasant.

[Chaine Maile]

For a couple of years I've had a mining camp strip a mountain into a natural stone fortress. When not mining, eating, drinking, or sleeping on the ground... Urist McMiner keeps climbing the cliff walls to the top of battlements and towers. They make no attempt to climb back down, and frequently die from dehydration or starvation. Only way I've saved them are hastily constructed stair scaffolds.

No idea why they do this. Sleeping on the ground in the rain isn't that bad.

[Prop42]

Dear Urist McMiner,

I understand that it's possible to get severely lost in a tunnel, but we literally just arrived here. We don't have anything for you to be confused about, we haven't even dug anything yet. Case in point, if you're going to stop digging because you couldn't figure out where to walk, please just suspend that specific dig order and don't suddenly completely give up mining forever and never do it for the rest of your life. I don't understand why you've decided that this is the proper course of action, but because of you, the entire fortress is being forced to live above ground, because you are the only miner in this new settlement and you are refusing to dig anything. You have a pickaxe, you have mining experience, you have orders, and you are refusing to do anything.

Thoroughly confused about this entire fucking thing,
Prop.

[TheBiggerFish]

Try turning it off and on again?

[Torrenal]

Dear Urist McLeverPuller
Why did you let the werebeast in again?  Oh, let me review the two reports you sent me...
Urist McLeverPuller cancels Pull Lever: Handling Dangerous Beast
Urist McLeverPuller cancels handle bunny(tame): Animal Inaccessible

I am left to speculate as to why a bunny might be so dangerous as to stop you from pulling the lever to save the fort.

Signed,
Your grumpy overseer.

[krg]

Dear Urist McLeverPuller
Why did you let the werebeast in again?  Oh, let me review the two reports you sent me...
Urist McLeverPuller cancels Pull Lever: Handling Dangerous Beast
Urist McLeverPuller cancels handle bunny(tame): Animal Inaccessible

I am left to speculate as to why a bunny might be so dangerous as to stop you from pulling the lever to save the fort.

Signed,
Your grumpy overseer.

Its got sharp teeth and razor claws! Look at the bones!!
(end Monty python)

[TheBiggerFish]

Ah, the killer rabbit of Caerbannog...

[Torrenal]

Dear Urist McOtherLeverPuller,

Thank you for pulling the lever in a timely manner.

Thank you also for cleaning it after you noticed the spot of badger blood on it.

Please consider cleaning the badger blood from your shoes.  It may save you some future effort.

Signed,
Your overseer

[Staalo]

Edėm Rakustasteb, Mechanic has grown attached to a Prepared Food pot (green glass, large)!

So, Edėm... any comments how this happened? We do need that pot back at the kitchen, you know. Don't be unreasonable!

[jcd]

Dear Urist McPlantGatherer,

i do appreciate that you are concerned about our fort's food-gathering operations, really i do.
But when i give the order to only gather fallen fruit, i actually mean it. Stepladders and climbing are un-dwarvish.
Now jumping, jumping is slightly undwarvish too, you know?

I mean, was there a need to jump from my half-built tower to that apricot tree over there?
Carrying your baby with you?
And then, before i managed to lay the floor to make a path to/from that tree, you jump back?
With the baby and the apricots in hand?
What did you expect? Apricots still work if they get pulped from fall, but babies do not.

Despite all this, eveyone in this fort is treated according to his skills (or lack thereof). Please report in the barracks immediately.

That will be all

[Clockwork621]

Dear Urist McMiner,

Please stop attending a party when there is only one more fucking tile to mine!