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[EuphoriaToRegret]

Dear UristMcHunter

We're low on food and there are deer right outside our doorstep.
Please hunt so the entire fort doesn't starve because of you.

XOXO,

Your Helpful Apparition.

[klefenz]

there are over 100 invaders at our doorstep.

Meanwhile I can hardly get a meager squad of goblin weaklings to quench the thirst of my axes.

[Iapetus]

Dear Tostsazir,

Supposedly, you "have a negative view of those who exercise power over others".

Why, then, did you declare yourself Queen, and now continually insist we make you more animal traps and large gems?

Also, sentancing a visiting human scholar to jail time for failing to meet a production order for the aforsaid large gems was just cruel.  Amusing, but cruel.

[Squill]

Dear Urist McMigrant,

This is my first fortress in several months and I would really like some menial laborers. Why exactly did you see fit to bring FIVE GODDAMN CHILDREN and two adults to a fortress of unknown safety?

Edit: oops

[HiddenEyes056]

Dear Urist McRescuer,

No, the drunks are not injured. Just drunk. Please stop hauling everyone who's had a drink or two too many directly to the hospital. The first thing they all do the moment you dunk them into that cozy wooden bed is run off and get another drink. You aren't helping anyone, even if you feel good about it.

Signed,
The Only Thing Keeping You Alive

EDIT: Literal seconds after posting this, aforementioned rescuer was attacked by a giant cave spider, who suplexed him into the caverns.

DOUBLE EDIT: Literal seconds after editing this, the rescuer climbed up the wall and returned the suplex, instantly killing the spider.

[klefenz]

DOUBLE EDIT: Literal seconds after editing this, the rescuer climbed up the wall and returned the suplex, instantly killing the spider.

I think he is actually the bouncer of the tavern.

[Aseaheru]

 Dear population of Oarchanced,
 Why the hell did you lot go grab those chunks of ore instead of build that wall one tile past it inorder to stop the encroaching water? Or those walls? Or those doors? Well, thanks everyone, we just lost our main farms and most of the metals we found in this fort thanks to you lot. And most of our seeds.

[Kuschelflummi]

Dear random named Dwarfen Squad!

When I give you a order to kill the bunch of goblins, could you please do this with full manpower so that I don't have to witness how one dwarf and one human die a honourable death while defeating ten goblins!

sincerely
your beloved goddess (of cats)

[krg]

Dear Spirits - oh great and wonderful, please don't kill me.

I have a slight issue with your tendency to grab my dwarves and make them produce some snazzy item. My problem is not that you cause the production of these things. Instead, it lies in the fact that you seem to make the dwarf claim a shop that is nowhere near the goods that they wish to gather. I currently have three craftdwarf shops so why did you have to grab the one near the stone, then send the poor dwarf after bones? Although, maybe in your infinite wisdom you are actually being kind to me by making it so that the bone carver can continue to work without interruption. Or just possibly, you are being kind to me after my last letter to you. Not wishing to jinx anything but, thank you on the notable lack of possessions that you have sent my why. I do so love the fey and secretive moods. Thank you again for them.

By the way, could you do something about what you drive the dwarves to make? I have no need of two legendary stonecrafters, one is more than enough.


Thank you for your consideration,
Krg

[Prop42]

Dear Urist McLazyashell,

If you've already gone through the trouble of walking halfway across the fortress to your room, sleep in your bed, and don't sleep on the floor next to the bed. If you can't be bothered to take the 5 extra steps to actually lie down, don't complain about the fortresses' lack of beds. We have plenty of fucking beds, use one of them.

Legitimately concerned for your mental health,
Overseer Prop.

EDIT:
Dear Urist McLazyashell,

Once again, you have a fucking bed. You could have walked to the bed. Instead you decided to sleep in the middle of a cavern while trying to gather cave wheat. If you complain about the fact that a giant cave spider ripped off your leg one more fucking time, I'm going to lock the door to the hospital and refuse to let anyone feed you.

Far more angry about this than I should be,
Overseer Prop.

[cochramd]

To the various Engineers, Traders, Miners and anyone else I forgot for whom I have enabled the Mechanics labor:

Look, I promise I won't order any new traps built outside next year, but by Armok's bearded balls, STOP THROWING UP AND BUILD AND LOAD THOSE DAMNED TRAPS! It's autumn now, and the goblins will be here in the spring. They'll only bring more of themselves than they did this year, so we need to have more traps waiting for them. Remember how this year they smashed up our graveyard? Let's not have a repeat of that!

Sincerely, The Supervisor

[HiddenEyes056]

Dear Urist McLazyashell,

If you've already gone through the trouble of walking halfway across the fortress to your room, sleep in your bed, and don't sleep on the floor next to the bed. If you can't be bothered to take the 5 extra steps to actually lie down, don't complain about the fortresses' lack of beds. We have plenty of fucking beds, use one of them.

Legitimately concerned for your mental health,
Overseer Prop.

EDIT:
Dear Urist McLazyashell,

Once again, you have a fucking bed. You could have walked to the bed. Instead you decided to sleep in the middle of a cavern while trying to gather cave wheat. If you complain about the fact that a giant cave spider ripped off your leg one more fucking time, I'm going to lock the door to the hospital and refuse to let anyone feed you.

Far more angry about this than I should be,
Overseer Prop.

I've had a couple of troubles with beds as of late, and have some advice that might help you.
If any other dwarf is doing something on top of the bed (especially children inexplicably playing make belief on their parent's bed), they will not sleep in it. Also, if they get too tired/walk too far to their bed, they may just give up and nap on the ground.
Might not apply to you, but that's what I know.

[TheBiggerFish]

The latter is exactly what happened.

[Sprin]

Dear Urists of Oiledcity,
Why the fuck did you not go up the stairs for a year?
I needed trees cut, everything was open, and there were designated woodcutters.
Why? Just why?
-Overseer

[Foxite]

Dear Urist,

We have a legendary public bedroom, with 50 masterful beds, each of which has been encrusted with gems. The whole room has been engraved, too. And it has been there at least five years before you were even born. So if you INSIST on sleeping outside, in the mud, in the rain, then AT LEAST don't fucking complain about it!