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[achamalacha]

Dear Dwarfs of Lancedpack,

your benoveled Overseer merely retired for a few weeks, to wander the world. To the day of his farewell severall Forgotten beast have been slayed, a dragon tamed, regular sieges been broken, and last but not least: many caravans, be it human or dwarven, came for trading and left without any harm - most of the time ecstatic with the trading afterwards.

Anyhow, after a few weeks time unsupervised, the fortress-bridge is wide open, whilst the remains of a caravan are scattered over the whole map. The remaining traders, guards and wagons are involved in fights with goblins and trolls in- and outside the fortress.

Meanwhile a forgotten beast is on the loose, trying to reach the surface, eventually end up in an fight with a stray dragon. Although both creatures are absorbed in their epic battle, they occasionally stop figthing each other to kill a nearby dwarf.

Meanwhile a confused dwarfen child is sitting on in front of the main entrance. It listens to the distant, yet approaching, deathly rumble of dragonfire mixing up with spittle of an forgotten beast... In agony it awaits it's certain, sudden end.

thanks, I'll leave you guys to it...
yours I don't even know why I care so much

[MobRules]

Dear Urist McBonecarver,

You've been at this fortress for over two years. At any time during that period, getting in a fey mood and demanding bones would not have been a problem. Did you really need to wait until our first undead siege? The refuse heaps and butcher shops are currently behind locked drawbridges, and I'm not going to put the entire fort at risk just so that you can get a few camel bones.

Granted, had I thought ahead, I could have prepared for a moody dwarf needing bones during an undead seige. Alas, I did not. Therefore, I hope you will forgive me for building a wall around your workshop; if you last until the end of the siege without going mad, I will be more than happy to let you out to gather bones.

Sincerely,

Your Facepalming Overseer.

[pisskop]

dear overseer;


Just slaughter some geese, or breach the cavern and kill a critter.  Then build a butchers shop by a newly designated corpse stockpile and let somebody carve it up.

dont you wanna see my elkbird bone figurine of a wagon being scuttled? :x

[Skribbblie]

Dear She-Urist McWoodworker Husk,

Heeeeey! Hi! Hello! How are you doing? Everything good? Good okay? Things great? Greeeeat. Is the wooden cage comfortable? Not too small? Stare blankly for yes, start loving living things again for no.

Greeeeat.

Sincerely,
Armok

P.S. Sorry about stripping you naked and leaving your cage in the dining hall. Couldn't really tell the little rascals to stop undressing you after we got the axe out of your hands. What can ya do, eh?

No hard feelings, right?

Greeeeat.

[noirscape]

Dear Urists of Tradediamond,

Urist McSacrifice got burned in that volcano. That was fine, I intended for him to die so we could set up the magma workshops. I engraved a slab and placed it in the memorial hall. I also constructed coffins to put away your pets that were outside during the goblin ambush. This was all good and fine. What is not fine is that despite the fact that Urist McSacrifice is properly memorialised, you still assign a free coffin to him. I left those coffins free so that you may decide who to put in them. You can't even encase him in a tomb because there is NO BODY. Now I'm stuck with an empty coffin that could be used to entomb other dead dwarves. But I can't, because Urist McSacrifice got assigned to it, despite being memorialized.

Please think next time you do these things. Its much more efficient to just let him keep his slab.

Sincerly,
Your Overseer who is suffering from FPS.

P.S.: To the Speardwarf squad: Those Goblins I ordered you to kill? Great job. Next time only, try not to get their parts everywhere, it annoys the cleaners.

[Lolfail0009]

Dear Urists McAllOfYou

Please store the fucking bars in the fucking bins that the fucking carpenters spent for-fucking-ever making so you fucking haulers could fucking haul the fucking bars into the fucking bins, which are in the fucking stockpile with the bins value fucking maxed.

Sincerely,
Overseer McNoSenseNoReasonNoMercyOnlyRage

[noirscape]

Dear Urist McBucketLover,

I wanted that cistern filled. What that means is roughly this:
1. You grab a bucket.
2. You walk to the water.
3. You fill the bucket.
4. You deposit the water in the well.
5. Reuse the bucket and go to step 2.
What you did instead:
1. You grab a bucket.
2. You walk to the water.
3. You fill the bucket.
4. You deposit the water in the well.
5. Go to step 1.
You can reuse the same bucket you know. There is no need to grab a new one each time. The other dwarves keep hauling your buckets back to their stockpiles.

- Sincerly, the Managment.

[escondida]

Dear Urist McBucketLover,

I wanted that cistern filled. What that means is roughly this:
1. You grab a bucket.
2. You walk to the water.
3. You fill the bucket.
4. You deposit the water in the well.
5. Reuse the bucket and go to step 2.
What you did instead:
1. You grab a bucket.
2. You walk to the water.
3. You fill the bucket.
4. You deposit the water in the well.
5. Go to step 1.
You can reuse the same bucket you know. There is no need to grab a new one each time. The other dwarves keep hauling your buckets back to their stockpiles.

Tha’s as may be, but the buckets we’ve used’re all wet! We can’t go grabbin’ water with a wet bucket, now can we? That would make the water we fetched double-wet, and we all know what would happen then: probably nothin’ good. Now if only someone would let us stockpile those dangerously wet buckets by the pond where we’re droppin’ ’em anyway, maybe this wouldn’t be a problem!

[escondida]

Dear Mebzuth Adilkat,

You are the world's expert on the horrifying beasts of the darkness beneath the world, and also on buzzards. I'm counting on you to train the dozens upon dozens of monstrosities we capture in our cages. I understand it's a lot of work to do, but you have quite literally no other job, so why is there a constant backlog of untamed animals lately?

[noirscape]

Dear Mebzuth Adilkat,

You are the world's expert on the horrifying beasts of the darkness beneath the world, and also on buzzards. I'm counting on you to train the dozens upon dozens of monstrosities we capture in our cages. I understand it's a lot of work to do, but you have quite literally no other job, so why is there a constant backlog of untamed animals lately?

Dear escondida,
I can't help it that I need to eat/drink/sleep/be on break/haul stuff immediately when one of those beasts look at me! Those beasts bring up a dwarfs most important needs you know! Like being alive.

Sincerly,
Mebzuth Adilkat

[Prop42]

Dear Urist McFurnaceOperator

For fucks sakes, you're refusing to go back into the fort because there is a single pebble of granite in your way. You can easily move it out of the way, we have plenty of stone stockpiles, but instead, you're standing outside, in the rain, starving to death, and complaining about the rain. If you can't be bothered to get yourself out of this situation, you can keep being a masochistic bastard and dying of hunger.

Sincerely, Urist McInvisibleAllKnowingOverseer

[escondida]

Eh? Items on the ground (such as boulders) don't block pathing. They can just be walked over. Make sure your fort entrance is actually open.

[Thisfox]

Dear Vampire Mayor:

If you hadn't eaten all the engravers, jewellers, and metalcrafters, we would have better rooms and furniture for you to enjoy. As it is, you have brought this down upon yourself. So stop whinging.

[Tawa]

Dear Urist McPossessed:

OK, it's great and all you want "trees... life..." for your preciousssss, but if you need these trees so badly we have this great big pile of trees out front...

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

Addendum:
Dear Urist McPossessed:

Sorry I forgot to get that dog skin tanned. Hope your wacky... whatever you're making turns out well!

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

[escondida]

Dear Vampire Mayor:

If you hadn't eaten all the engravers, jewellers, and metalcrafters, we would have better rooms and furniture for you to enjoy. As it is, you have brought this down upon yourself. So stop whinging.

Dear Overseer Thisfox,

Cordial greetings to you, and thank you for your thoughtful letter. In response, let me just say BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! So as I believe I've made clear in my point-by-point response, the actions I took were completely justfied in context.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McVampire-Mayor