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[99Hedgehog]

Dear UristMcMiner,
Stop falling into the trenches you retard.
Sincerely,
The Overseer

[Knit tie]

Dear brewers of Dakostamal,

Whilst I admire your ambition, nay expertise, radishes are not a suitable item for the still.  I've mostly got my eyesight back now but two of our senior military dwarves may not be so lucky.  We will be loading all two hundred barrels of said product on to the wagons of the next passing elf caravan with good riddance.  If they go blind, they won't be able to find us.

Yours gratefully,

Overseer of Dakostamal, "Floorteach"

Wait, why would radishes cause people to go blind? Do they brew into methanol or something?

[Magnumcannon]

Dear pesky miners

When channelling, specially when there are logs around, be extremely careful on where you are digging, like, don't dig straight down! You saw what happened to Urist McLegendaryMiner yesterday, ya know, when the highwood log exploded his whole body and splashed blood all around the newly constructed farm plot.

The all-mighty overseer.

[bigcalm]

Wait, why would radishes cause people to go blind? Do they brew into methanol or something?

With a game like Dwarf Fortress, this seems very possible.  However, it has been suggested (by the brewers) that the actual cause of the blindness was a forgotten beast - I refuse to believe it personally, I think it's the oh-my-god-what-were-you-thinking radish wine.

Dear Queen Avuz,

Don't you think we have enough anvils?  A note landed on my desk to say you were insisting we make another 3.  We already have dozens of the things and you can't exactly miss them - they're big and heavy and we have no plans to build any more forges.  Have you seen Road runner and Wile E Coyote?    Well let's just see what happens if you demand more anvils be made and I'll see what happens when a masterwork steel anvil drops on your head.

Sincerely,

Overseer of Dakostamal, "Floorteach"

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Dear Baroness,
You go out and build a useless artifact window then demand your right to a throne and put a relative in as your consort....
Are you kidding me?!? And now you want more ballista parts?!? Why!!???!!?
Sincerely,
Overseer

[the1337doofus]

A note to MoodyOrc McWeaponSmith

I hate you. I HATE YOU.

We had bloodsteel, we had iron, we had damn near every weapons grade material you can think of, and exactly ONE bar of Bifrost. Bifrost that I was saving for a  sword, and what do you go and grab?
You grab. The fucking. Bifrost.

Now, not only have you wasted it on a fucking BOLA THROWER, you have added 210,000 OrcBux in value to the fortress. This is bound to bring heavily armed sieges to our front door, when we have a military that is barely geared enough to handle a siege from the elves armed with blunt mithril weaponry.

It is, for this reason, I am executing you. We have two other weaponsmiths, who I can easily train to legendary. You are worthless to me, and since you have commited this mistake, you will be made an example of.

Ta-Fucking-Ta,

Your pissed off Overseer.

[Magnumcannon]

A note to MoodyOrc McWeaponSmith

I hate you. I HATE YOU.

We had bloodsteel, we had iron, we had damn near every weapons grade material you can think of, and exactly ONE bar of Bifrost. Bifrost that I was saving for a  sword, and what do you go and grab?
You grab. The fucking. Bifrost.

Now, not only have you wasted it on a fucking BOLA THROWER, you have added 210,000 OrcBux in value to the fortress. This is bound to bring heavily armed sieges to our front door, when we have a military that is barely geared enough to handle a siege from the elves armed with blunt mithril weaponry.

It is, for this reason, I am executing you. We have two other weaponsmiths, who I can easily train to legendary. You are worthless to me, and since you have commited this mistake, you will be made an example of.

Ta-Fucking-Ta,

Your pissed off Overseer.

Fair enough.

[pisskop]

Damnit Guys!  Stay off the grass with the sludge on it!  Its not a hard concept, is it?  How many traffic orders do I have to put up?

You see anything that walks on it dies 2 clicks after it touches it, and you see a strange substance on them bodies!  Stay off the grass!

  Administration.

[Pirate Santa]

Dear Urist McGlazer,

Why the HFS are you taking your break in the refuse pile?
That's just weird dude, if you like mussell shells that much I'll make you some crafts but please just find somewhere else to spend your leisure time, okay?

Signed,
The Overseer.

[pisskop]

Damnit Guys!  Stay off the grass with the sludge on it!  Its not a hard concept, is it?  How many traffic orders do I have to put up?

You see anything that walks on it dies 2 clicks after it touches it, and you see a strange substance on them bodies!  Stay off the grass!

  Administration.

  STAY OFF THE FRACKING GRASS YOU STUPID SIMPLETONS!  THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON THE SLUDGE!  EVERYONE WHO DOES DIES OF BRAINROT IN THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES, AND LIQUEFIES IN THE WORST CASES!!!

  YOU DON"T NEED THE WEAPONSMITH"S SOCKS, BECAUSE THEY ARE COATED IN NECROTIC BACTERIA!  CEASE YOUR INSISTENCE ON WANDERING OVER THERE!

[CHR1SZ]

Dear dorfs,
Please leave the giant toad alone. I don't care if it's on the main stairway, it's unconscious and can't hurt you at the moment. Only 3 of you seem prepared to do jobs any more, the rest of you don't seem to care that our food and booze production has ground to a halt. If you insist on putting off everything else until the monster is dead, then at least use one of the felling axes, it'll take you months to punch through a skull that thick.

The Overseer.

[Nyxalinth]

Damnit Guys!  Stay off the grass with the sludge on it!  Its not a hard concept, is it?  How many traffic orders do I have to put up?

You see anything that walks on it dies 2 clicks after it touches it, and you see a strange substance on them bodies!  Stay off the grass!

  Administration.

  STAY OFF THE FRACKING GRASS YOU STUPID SIMPLETONS!  THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON THE SLUDGE!  EVERYONE WHO DOES DIES OF BRAINROT IN THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES, AND LIQUEFIES IN THE WORST CASES!!!

  YOU DON"T NEED THE WEAPONSMITH"S SOCKS, BECAUSE THEY ARE COATED IN NECROTIC BACTERIA!  CEASE YOUR INSISTENCE ON WANDERING OVER THERE!

Get out of the sludge.  Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. why are you standing in the sludge?  Get out of the sludge.  You died.

Dwarf:  Oh, I thought I was supposed to be iN the sludge...

Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. why are you in the sludge again?  Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. You're dead.

[Magnumcannon]

Damnit Guys!  Stay off the grass with the sludge on it!  Its not a hard concept, is it?  How many traffic orders do I have to put up?

You see anything that walks on it dies 2 clicks after it touches it, and you see a strange substance on them bodies!  Stay off the grass!

  Administration.

  STAY OFF THE FRACKING GRASS YOU STUPID SIMPLETONS!  THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON THE SLUDGE!  EVERYONE WHO DOES DIES OF BRAINROT IN THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES, AND LIQUEFIES IN THE WORST CASES!!!

  YOU DON"T NEED THE WEAPONSMITH"S SOCKS, BECAUSE THEY ARE COATED IN NECROTIC BACTERIA!  CEASE YOUR INSISTENCE ON WANDERING OVER THERE!

Get out of the sludge.  Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. why are you standing in the sludge?  Get out of the sludge.  You died.

Dwarf:  Oh, I thought I was supposed to be iN the sludge...

Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. why are you in the sludge again?  Get out of the sludge. Get out of the sludge. You're dead.

It was inevitable.

[Urist McShire]

Dear Dwarves,

The Goblin Siege was routed. You all fought bravely to remove them from our lands...SO WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP GOING CRAZY AND FIGHTING EACH OTHER!? I DON'T NEED TO BURY MORE OF YOUR KIN IN AN UNNECESSARY SCUFFLE!

Sincerely,

Your Overseer (who really doesn't want to lose more of you than he has to)

[Punching Bag]

Dear Baron,

It has come to my attention that you have taken some liberties with your living arrangements while I was away reclaiming another fortress. It is puzzling that despite the fact you were provided with purely royal chambers you have decided to move your quarters. To another town. You are no longer available for the citizens to make their case(s) to, and you have also hindered my efforts to become the mountainhome. Please return at your earliest (read: ASAP) convenience so we may continue to thrive.

In Bewilderment,
Overseer