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[Wheeljack]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

Yes, yes, I know you're excited about the amazing new well in the Hospital. I am too! This the very first time I've ever ordered a seperate well all just for tbe benefit of better healthcare. See, I was worried some poor injured fellow would accidentally get knocked in. See, I had the brilliant idea to put it in its own room to ensure only the able bodied medics would bother with it.

My mistake was thinking you were able-bodied. You have proven, in spectacular fashion, I shouldn't have bothered with all the plumbing and time spent on it. I need a clean well. A clean well I can no longer have thanks to your corspe at the bottom of the well.

But don't worry! I've locked the door, and no one can follow or disturb your final resting place.

Your annoyed Overseer,
Jackie

[pisskop]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

Yes, yes, I know you're excited about the amazing new well in the Hospital. I am too! This the very first time I've ever ordered a seperate well all just for tbe benefit of better healthcare. See, I was worried some poor injured fellow would accidentally get knocked in. See, I had the brilliant idea to put it in its own room to ensure only the able bodied medics would bother with it.

My mistake was thinking you were able-bodied. You have proven, in spectacular fashion, I shouldn't have bothered with all the plumbing and time spent on it. I need a clean well. A clean well I can no longer have thanks to your corspe at the bottom of the well.

But don't worry! I've locked the door, and no one can follow or disturb your final resting place.

Your annoyed Overseer,
Jackie

Dear McJackie;

  Now, dont be tellin' noone this, but Ive got a little secret for ya.  Corpses can-no pollute wells.  Its perfectly okay to drink corpse water, and Ill get to see the whole fort now!

[Wheeljack]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

Yes, yes, I know you're excited about the amazing new well in the Hospital. I am too! This the very first time I've ever ordered a seperate well all just for tbe benefit of better healthcare. See, I was worried some poor injured fellow would accidentally get knocked in. See, I had the brilliant idea to put it in its own room to ensure only the able bodied medics would bother with it.

My mistake was thinking you were able-bodied. You have proven, in spectacular fashion, I shouldn't have bothered with all the plumbing and time spent on it. I need a clean well. A clean well I can no longer have thanks to your corspe at the bottom of the well.

But don't worry! I've locked the door, and no one can follow or disturb your final resting place.

Your annoyed Overseer,
Jackie

Dear McJackie;

  Now, dont be tellin' noone this, but Ive got a little secret for ya.  Corpses can-no pollute wells.  Its perfectly okay to drink corpse water, and Ill get to see the whole fort now!

McDoctorGhost:

I do not reward poor behavior and bad judgement. I reward hard workers, and guess what? You're dead. You can't work. You can stay at the bottom of that well, alone forever. The last thing I need you to do is start a party down there and inviting all your friends. Maybe in your next life you'll think twice before jumping into a sublime well.

-Jackie <3

[Foxite]

Dear Urist McAxelord,

I wanted Cave Crocodiles for my army. As a companion for you. So when I give you a direct order to station outside, I DO NOT want you to go to the approaching cave crocodile that's heading for the cage traps and chop his head off. If I wanted that then I would have put steel serrated discs in the hallway instead of cage traps and a bait animal.

Signed,
Admiral-general-king-overseeer-lord Me

PS: Even though I recently discovered that cave crocodiles cannot be trained for war, I still did not want you to kill underground creatures as more pressing matter are waiting for you on the surface.

[pisskop]

Dear Dwarves:

  -Zulban Pastquakes
    -Life: -67 - 97
    -Cause of death: Old Age
    -Skills: [Great] Doctor, [Competent] Hammerdwarf
    -Notable: Fought in 2 attacks on Elves, lost both.  Both attacks were major.

This is a King.  Be more like him.  Thank you.

[deathschemist]

dear Urist mcMason

you are a bloody idiot, you know that? you stand on the space where you're meant to be building a wall and then complain that you can't build the wall, despite the fact that you could easily move a space to the left and build it from there

now i hear reports of a dragon, and we got no defences against it, mostly your fault. enjoy your firey death, i'm outtie

yours- the (now former) overseer.

[Thisfox]

Dear mama:

I have had a very difficult first three months. You dropped me on the stairs, and I had to crawl down them to the dining hall. I got lost and eventually crawled down all the stairs to the very lowest dining hall, but there was no one there, so I crawled all the way up again, and eventually found the hospital. There was a nice lady dwarf who rules this place there in a bed, sleeping, and I visit her. Someone fed me. I wish you had fed me.

I have been watching a waterfall, and when I cried, someone gave me a bucketful of water. I wish I could have been given some tuber beer, but they don't have tubers in this fort. The waterfall is very pretty. The other dwarves here have told me I have a bedroom but I don't know where it is.

More recently I have taken to crawling through a huge stockpile of bones and shells, next to the main dining hall.

I miss you.

Love Momuz.

(If you're curious about this one, the whole explanation is here. Basically my fort has turned into a dwarf child care service for an absentee mother, and after a conversation with a mate, it was decided that she should send a letter home to mum.... and this seems like the official dwarf postbox.)

[escondida]

Dear Urist McBitten,

When I put you in quarantaine because you were bitten by that weregila last week, but didn't have "Weregila extract injected in the dwarf blood", I expect you to head to your burrow immediately, instead of hanging around in the kitchen and going to your burrow five minutes before the full moon.

Signed,

Me

Dear You,

I did get the letter informing me if my new burrow assignment. As usual, it had the standard header at the top reading "This is not an emergency; head to your burrow at your earliest convenience. Take no job outside the burrow, and head to the burrow right away if assigned a job there." So what's the problem? I assumed that if it were an emergency, you would've given me a job to do there right away, or had the militia commander come tell me I'm a squad of 1 and to go guard that burrow, or something.

Yours in bafflement,
Urist McNotInfected

[Mister Always]

Dear Urist McInfectee,

First of all, good job on survivin' that werelizard attack. Not much of a feat, considering most of what he did was bite you once (in the head), smash your hand (bringing you dangerously close to bleedin' out, but good job not doing that), and then spent about... I don't know, could'a been a whole day, maybe longer, whalin' on your head with a sock he'd taken from his only other victim.

Second of all, I would have appreciated it if you'd told me you had the apparent ability to completely disintegrate a zinc door to make your escape from quarantine. I'm both impressed and annoyed, especially since this means I'll have to actually wall you in while I try and decide whether I should have the military butcher you in cold blood or just keep you walled in, forever, perhaps making bone crafts or something? Maybe I'll give you your own forge and put you to work getting rid of all this useless lead we have kicking around. How's that sound? Metalcrafting forever in solitude? I'm just not sure if having you killed (while transformed, naturally) will cause problems or not. Probably not, but y'know what?

I'd feel kinda bad about it.

You heard me. I would feel remorse. For killing you. On account of this not really being your fault. So, here's the deal. For however long it takes for us to get you sealed up proper - if you can keep yourself from infecting anyone else during that time (especially anyone important), you can be our recluse craftsmaker. We'll drop in food and stuff... when we remember to. Sure, your family will miss you. But I'm fairly sure you probably aren't pregnant, considering our pop cap's been reached, so on the bright side, if you do have a baby you probably won't give in to bloodlust and tear it limb from limb.

...GET BACK IN THE FUCKING SPIDER SILK DROP ZONE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO, YOU ABOMINATION! BEFORE THE BAD MOON RISES AGAIN!

With love,

your overseer.

[pisskop]

Dear Urist McInfectee,

First of all, good job on survivin' that werelizard attack. Not much of a feat, considering most of what he did was bite you once (in the head), smash your hand (bringing you dangerously close to bleedin' out, but good job not doing that), and then spent about... I don't know, could'a been a whole day, maybe longer, whalin' on your head with a sock he'd taken from his only other victim.

Second of all, I would have appreciated it if you'd told me you had the apparent ability to completely disintegrate a zinc door to make your escape from quarantine. I'm both impressed and annoyed, especially since this means I'll have to actually wall you in while I try and decide whether I should have the military butcher you in cold blood or just keep you walled in, forever, perhaps making bone crafts or something? Maybe I'll give you your own forge and put you to work getting rid of all this useless lead we have kicking around. How's that sound? Metalcrafting forever in solitude? I'm just not sure if having you killed (while transformed, naturally) will cause problems or not. Probably not, but y'know what?

I'd feel kinda bad about it.

You heard me. I would feel remorse. For killing you. On account of this not really being your fault. So, here's the deal. For however long it takes for us to get you sealed up proper - if you can keep yourself from infecting anyone else during that time (especially anyone important), you can be our recluse craftsmaker. We'll drop in food and stuff... when we remember to. Sure, your family will miss you. But I'm fairly sure you probably aren't pregnant, considering our pop cap's been reached, so on the bright side, if you do have a baby you probably won't give in to bloodlust and tear it limb from limb.

...GET BACK IN THE FUCKING SPIDER SILK DROP ZONE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO, YOU ABOMINATION! BEFORE THE BAD MOON RISES AGAIN!

With love,

your overseer.

Dear Overseer;


  Stick a needle in ya eye!  If I wanted or needed food I'd take a bite out of a neighbor!  Best send me to live in the caverns.

P.S.  Keep ya stinkin' booze too!

[Mister Always]

Dear Urist McInfectee,

First of all, good job on survivin' that werelizard attack. Not much of a feat, considering most of what he did was bite you once (in the head), smash your hand (bringing you dangerously close to bleedin' out, but good job not doing that), and then spent about... I don't know, could'a been a whole day, maybe longer, whalin' on your head with a sock he'd taken from his only other victim.

Second of all, I would have appreciated it if you'd told me you had the apparent ability to completely disintegrate a zinc door to make your escape from quarantine. I'm both impressed and annoyed, especially since this means I'll have to actually wall you in while I try and decide whether I should have the military butcher you in cold blood or just keep you walled in, forever, perhaps making bone crafts or something? Maybe I'll give you your own forge and put you to work getting rid of all this useless lead we have kicking around. How's that sound? Metalcrafting forever in solitude? I'm just not sure if having you killed (while transformed, naturally) will cause problems or not. Probably not, but y'know what?

I'd feel kinda bad about it.

You heard me. I would feel remorse. For killing you. On account of this not really being your fault. So, here's the deal. For however long it takes for us to get you sealed up proper - if you can keep yourself from infecting anyone else during that time (especially anyone important), you can be our recluse craftsmaker. We'll drop in food and stuff... when we remember to. Sure, your family will miss you. But I'm fairly sure you probably aren't pregnant, considering our pop cap's been reached, so on the bright side, if you do have a baby you probably won't give in to bloodlust and tear it limb from limb.

...GET BACK IN THE FUCKING SPIDER SILK DROP ZONE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO, YOU ABOMINATION! BEFORE THE BAD MOON RISES AGAIN!

With love,

your overseer.

Dear Overseer;


  Stick a needle in ya eye!  If I wanted or needed food I'd take a bite out of a neighbor!  Best send me to live in the caverns.

P.S.  Keep ya stinkin' booze too!

Urist McInfectee,

Pfuh to you, lady! You know just as well as I do that we have an open-access caverns policy at this fort. I see your tricks! And you're gettin' booze whether you like it or not! I don't want to wait a month for a single shitty lead craft!

[Quartz_Mace]

Dear Urist McInfectee,

First of all, good job on survivin' that werelizard attack. Not much of a feat, considering most of what he did was bite you once (in the head), smash your hand (bringing you dangerously close to bleedin' out, but good job not doing that), and then spent about... I don't know, could'a been a whole day, maybe longer, whalin' on your head with a sock he'd taken from his only other victim.

Second of all, I would have appreciated it if you'd told me you had the apparent ability to completely disintegrate a zinc door to make your escape from quarantine. I'm both impressed and annoyed, especially since this means I'll have to actually wall you in while I try and decide whether I should have the military butcher you in cold blood or just keep you walled in, forever, perhaps making bone crafts or something? Maybe I'll give you your own forge and put you to work getting rid of all this useless lead we have kicking around. How's that sound? Metalcrafting forever in solitude? I'm just not sure if having you killed (while transformed, naturally) will cause problems or not. Probably not, but y'know what?

I'd feel kinda bad about it.

You heard me. I would feel remorse. For killing you. On account of this not really being your fault. So, here's the deal. For however long it takes for us to get you sealed up proper - if you can keep yourself from infecting anyone else during that time (especially anyone important), you can be our recluse craftsmaker. We'll drop in food and stuff... when we remember to. Sure, your family will miss you. But I'm fairly sure you probably aren't pregnant, considering our pop cap's been reached, so on the bright side, if you do have a baby you probably won't give in to bloodlust and tear it limb from limb.

...GET BACK IN THE FUCKING SPIDER SILK DROP ZONE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO, YOU ABOMINATION! BEFORE THE BAD MOON RISES AGAIN!

With love,

your overseer.

Dear Overseer;


  Stick a needle in ya eye!  If I wanted or needed food I'd take a bite out of a neighbor!  Best send me to live in the caverns.

P.S.  Keep ya stinkin' booze too!

Urist McInfectee,

Pfuh to you, lady! You know just as well as I do that we have an open-access caverns policy at this fort. I see your tricks! And you're gettin' booze whether you like it or not! I don't want to wait a month for a single shitty lead craft!

Shitty Lead craft? Ha! Let us see you do better, Mr. I-never-do-anything-but-criticize-you-anyway Overseer! Also, gettin' clobbed in the hedd with a sok is no joke. I seen 5 Dwarfs killed that way, and dink I sufered bran damag.

[deathschemist]

dear urist mcbroker
when i say "broker requested at depot" i mean right away, not after you've put the rubbish out despite you not being designated to do that
those elves had wood we needed, we got no trees about and YOU ruined everyone's chances of having a bed in the near future.
yours,
the overseer

[Foxite]

dear urist mcbroker
when i say "broker requested at depot" i mean right away, not after you've put the rubbish out despite you not being designated to do that
those elves had wood we needed, we got no trees about and YOU ruined everyone's chances of having a bed in the near future.
yours,
the overseer

Dear overseer,

The militia promised they would have taken care of obtaining the wood by "agreement", but they were interrupted when you ordered them to go after the forgotten beast that has been causing combat log spam for a very long time.

Sincerely,
Urist Mc Broker

[deathschemist]

dear urist mcbroker
when i say "broker requested at depot" i mean right away, not after you've put the rubbish out despite you not being designated to do that
those elves had wood we needed, we got no trees about and YOU ruined everyone's chances of having a bed in the near future.
yours,
the overseer

Dear overseer,

The militia promised they would have taken care of obtaining the wood by "agreement", but they were interrupted when you ordered them to go after the forgotten beast that has been causing combat log spam for a very long time.

Sincerely,
Urist Mc Broker

dear urist mcbroker

i don't know what sort of crack the militia commander was smoking, we're not gonna make war with the elves in the first year of being in this fortress- we haven't yet even got barracks for the militia, and we're only just starting to mine out flux stone, we haven't got the means to make steel for our militia yet and i don't want to waste good hematite and limonite on plain iron weapons.
also, that was no forgotten beast, it was a wereiguana. two dead. one injured, i'm gonna get mcmason on walling him in his room until he can prove he's no wereiguana himself... or until he dies.

yours, the overseer.