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[pisskop]

Dear pillar;

Why you so hollow so high?  dick move, bro.

[WordsandChaos]

Greetings all,

I don't even know what to say at this point. Six people are dead. I think by now it was last year that I told you to pull a lever in the dining room. That place where you're all hanging out. Not a sodding one of you will pull the damn lever and then you get angry about it. Don't look at me for this problem, you incompetent pricks, this is your fault. Your families and your friends are dead, and you're pissed off and the reason for all of this woe is because all of you are too busy doing nothing to reach out and pull a lever.

 Congratulations.

[Walrusking]

Dear Urist McPsychic,

How in Armok's name did you know there was a cave in about 150 z-levels down JUST AS WE EMBARKED.

Dear Urist McSmith/ Architect

We have that moat NOW. You are not on break. Get your arse to the wood lying around and build the bridge before we trap half our embark party into a cave.

Also, to all dwarves, please note we will be selling your clothes now. I don't want to pick up 200+ bits of clothing thrown around after trying to reclaim the last fort.

[MobRules]

Dear Urist McApparentlyEveryoneInTheFort,

The proper response to a breach of the third cavern layer is NOT to risk your lives streaming out en mass to collect worthless refuse left scattered on the ground by the ant people.


Dear Urist McHorrified,


Yes, I imagine that it would be a bit unsettling when you discovered that the kitchen refuse pile suddenly contained the mangled corpses of about two dozen various underground creatures, including a troll. What can I say? You live with a bunch of freaks.

[h0lx]

Dear Urist McAxedwarf.

I understand you love your shield so much, that all your seven kills including a giant were aquired by bashing their heads in with it. But for the love of Armok, That masterwork steel axe, you have in your other hand was not an easy thing to forge, especially on an embark with no iron ore, flux stone or coal, please use it.

[Larix]

Greetings all,

I don't even know what to say at this point. Six people are dead. I think by now it was last year that I told you to pull a lever in the dining room. That place where you're all hanging out. Not a sodding one of you will pull the damn lever and then you get angry about it. Don't look at me for this problem, you incompetent pricks, this is your fault. Your families and your friends are dead, and you're pissed off and the reason for all of this woe is because all of you are too busy doing nothing to reach out and pull a lever.

Have you installed a labour template (e.g. via Dwarf Therapist) which doesn't include the "lever operation" labour? It's a labour under "other jobs" now and if no-one's allowed to do it, that amounts to you explicitly telling everyone not to do it (and then getting annoyed when they follow your orders).

Another way of blocking a lever is to enable a workshop 'P'rofile on the lever itself, specifying a single dwarf (preferably one without the labour active) or a minimum skill (dwarfs gain no skill in lever operation). PS: and you can forbid the mechanism the lever is built from, either via i't'em viewing its components or by the d-b-f designation; forbidden workshops/buildings are off-limits and can't be used until reclaimed.

Yet another possibility is that a dwarf who can't reach the lever took the job. Unfortunately, those jobs sometimes fail to cancel properly; you'd have had to suspend/unsuspend the job to un-stick it (check the "j"obs list if in doubt). But if the lever forever only showed "pull the lever" with no green "A" (for "active", currently in progress) sign next to it, it's pretty much guaranteed that the overseer misconfigured the lever/labours somehow.

[Pirate Bob]

Dear Urist McAxedwarf.

I understand you love your shield so much, that all your seven kills including a giant were aquired by bashing their heads in with it. But for the love of Armok, That masterwork steel axe, you have in your other hand was not an easy thing to forge, especially on an embark with no iron ore, flux stone or coal, please use it.

Does Urist McAxedwarf have misc. object user skill (used for bashing with shields) higher than axeman?  In arena testing I have found that dwarves favor using the weapon with which they are more skilled pretty heavily, so if this is the case you could have him train without a shield until his axeman skill is higher than his misc. object user skill.

I didn't specifically test shields (I found that they will use swords/axes etc instead of crossbows in melee combat if their sword/axe skill is higher than their hammer skill), so it may not be relevant in this case.  He may just be insane a dwarf.

[Devstorm]

Dear Urist,

Bits of bones and animal bits are clogging the butcher chop. Also, vermin remains litter the food stockpile. Why won't you and your dorfy brethren pick them up? I've got refuse collecting turned on, and dwarves are set to gather refuse. And there are plenty of idlers who could be dealing with this! What is the problem?

[Insanegame27]

Urist McLegendaryWarrior-on-break

Get your worthless butt out from under the drawbridge so we can lower it.
And taking a break in the middle of a siege doesn't help.

Dear All Other Urists
No, i don't care about you losing your spouse or your sock, I don't want you going to harvest that giant cave spider silk from that GCS while it's still alive.
I want you to finish the magma pumpstack, not destroy the lever that operates the drawbridge.

You ignorant little fucktards

[h0lx]

Dear Urist,

Bits of bones and animal bits are clogging the butcher chop. Also, vermin remains litter the food stockpile. Why won't you and your dorfy brethren pick them up? I've got refuse collecting turned on, and dwarves are set to gather refuse. And there are plenty of idlers who could be dealing with this! What is the problem?

Maybe the refuse stockpiles are full?

Does Urist McAxedwarf have misc. object user skill (used for bashing with shields) higher than axeman?  In arena testing I have found that dwarves favor using the weapon with which they are more skilled pretty heavily, so if this is the case you could have him train without a shield until his axeman skill is higher than his misc. object user skill.

I didn't specifically test shields (I found that they will use swords/axes etc instead of crossbows in melee combat if their sword/axe skill is higher than their hammer skill), so it may not be relevant in this case.  He may just be insane a dwarf.

That's interesting, I will look into it, when home

[Devstorm]

Dear Urist,

Bits of bones and animal bits are clogging the butcher chop. Also, vermin remains litter the food stockpile. Why won't you and your dorfy brethren pick them up? I've got refuse collecting turned on, and dwarves are set to gather refuse. And there are plenty of idlers who could be dealing with this! What is the problem?

Maybe the refuse stockpiles are full?

No, they're pretty much empty. It's a newish fort.

[Tacomagic]

Dear Urist,

Bits of bones and animal bits are clogging the butcher chop. Also, vermin remains litter the food stockpile. Why won't you and your dorfy brethren pick them up? I've got refuse collecting turned on, and dwarves are set to gather refuse. And there are plenty of idlers who could be dealing with this! What is the problem?

Known bug.  In the 'o'rders menu, turn on outside refuse and vermin collection.  Right now the logic is inverted.  Stone acts the same way when you try to dump it.

[Walrusking]

(A little late considering it was my last fort, but oh well)

Everyone,

As much as I appreciate the catapult tower and sky walkway projects going smoothly, it has come to my attention that our entrance looks... well... disgusting. Now I know everyone's busy partying and suffering from dehydration, but if someone can please remove the hamster carcasses scattered around our trade depot, we might actually get a trade caravan this season. No, the refuse stockpiles are not full, neither are they far. They're where the tombs are, only 4 z-levels down.

Urist McThirsty,

Yes, I understand it's important to drink. I should point out however that we've lost all our alcohol because you have all been partying the entire year with your abundance of puppies. Please stop complaining and when you're done drinking, please stop the water from flooding our farming zones.

[Thisfox]

Dear Urist McUngratefulThirstyDorf:

We have booze. There are a half dozen varieties of alcohol for you to try. Everyone else has been drinking it. You are not injured (and never have been), but if you really want to drink water anyway, we have two wells. The dwarfs who have used the wells in the three years that we have had them have described them as "utterly sublime". They are full of excellent fresh water, kept clean by constant aquifer flow, seeing as some dwarfs (not naming any names) do have this habit of washing at the well instead of in the baths provided.

But no. You have complained about the wereskink-blood and weremonitor-blood tainting the "nasty" water. You have, I think, been drinking in the dwarf-wash we installed. For some reason.

Honestly? No other thoughts? When we have an artifact sculpture right next to where you decided to drink? And fog so dense you can practically walk on it? and masterwork wall carvings? All you want to think about is how nasty the water is, and that you wish we had a well? We have not one but two clean wells!! Have you been paying attention to the amazing fortress we live in? 
I am very tempted to use you as an experimental offering for the next werething that comes along.

--The one who keeps providing you with more booze and wells.

Dear Urist McMayor:
Yes, I know you like your new dining table. I like it too. The turtles in shell are excellent. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN!
You should hold a party in there.

[escondida]

Dear Overseer ThisFox,

Unlike some folk, I dinnae ha' a magic map what tells me wot's happenin' all 'round th' fort. If ye knew tha' th' water was tainted or tha' there was a partic'lerly nice waterin' hole somewhere about, ye ought tae ha' posted signs! I bet someone could whip ye up a "water zone" sign an' loads o' "Zone-only drinking" signs (th' latter usin' th' standin' orders form, o'course).

Sincerely,
Urist McGreatNowI'mProbablyAWerebeast