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[Bobnova]

Dear Masons,

When I tell you to build a single floor tile and a single wall tile and disable all your other labors, I have a very good reason to want those things built now.
Enjoy your goblins and HFS.


--Overseer

[Vgray]

Dear Urist McStonecrafter,

It's only a few bruises. I'm not even sure how a hospital would help you. Get back to work! Why were you even sleeping in that tree anyway?

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McMiner,

The designation of certain areas as being restricted is for your own safety and the safety of everyone else in the fortress. For instance, when I marked the are below our aquifer plug as restricted, it was because that area was about to be the site of a massive cave-in, and one should not be simply hanging out in it as you happened to be. Now our fortress was brand new, and we did not have many miners, so losing one after you died was a bit of a blow, but one we could have suffered. Normally I would have written this all off as dwarves being dwarves and that would have been the end of it, but you could not stop causing problems there. It was not long after that a vile cloud began to roll over the landscape, and seeing as everyone was a little too busy to haul corpses, and the top of my fortress was temporarily exposed due to the aforementioned aquifer plug, it was not long before you decided to come back to life and start rampaging around the fortress. My single militiaman disposed of you relatively quickly, but not before you had managed to kill a few cats and dogs. Soon they too came to life and the cascade effect that followed lead to a miniature zombie apocalypse that resulted in most of the population of my fortress being killed by zombie cats, dogs, and chickens, and the remainder fleeing the fortress in terror. So thank you very much for that, now I hope you understand that there is a reason these policies are in place, and ask that you please stop coming back to life and killing us. And as a note to all other overseers, when starting a fortress in an evil biome, FOR THE LOVE OF ARMOK, BURY YOUR DEAD!!! That is all.

R/OS

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McAxeDwarf,

I don't know if you realize it, but you are the only one of the seven members of this fortress to have a weapon, armor, or any military training. With that in mind, I would really like it if, when I tell you to attack something, you actually attacked it. Instead of, say, wandering back and forth in the hall looking confused, going to grab some food, or taking a nap. I understand the fortress may not be the most pleasant place with all the spatters of pungent filth and vomit, but I would prefer it if you deal with the things wanting to kill us first and then take a bath afterwards. As it is, your hesitation has lead to the deaths of several members of our fortress at the hands of undead yak skin and neck hair (I know I told the butcher to shave the yaks before slaughtering them, but that's another story). We now have a fortress with a growing zombie uprising, again, and I sincerely hope that they save you for last, it would be quite amusing. I wonder if there's a way I can run a fortress consisting entirely of zombies, that would be extremely amusing.

R/OS

[Romegypt]

Dear Urist mctrader/doctor/bookeeper/manager/

Please stop climbing into trees and jumping out of them. This is your third time, and you keep accruing more and more injuries. I can't heal you, and since your won't diagnose yourself, PLEASE REFRAIN FORM BOLTING OUT OF TREES FOR NO REASON
Thank you,
Urist expedition leader

ps:Now that you've killed yourself, none of my dwarves will work and they all starved. Thanks a lot bud!

[martinuzz]

My seven precious friends.
In my ever so foreseeing wisdom, I gave you ALL 3 points in discipline when you embarked on your journey.


Now who gave you permission to let that skill rust ? Stop running I'm not going t .. aw nevermind, RIP

[Walrusking]

Dear UristMcMason, UristMcFarmer and UristMcCarpenter,

Now I understand that losing your friends to zombies is indeed bad news. Maybe we should have removed that werepig corpse after all (pork chops all around!) I also understand that you wish to give them a proper burial. This is fine. Now if I request you please do not run up to the zombies, suddenly turn and run away from the zombies, and repeat, that would help nicely.

Dear UristMcMarksdwarf,

A crossbow is a crossbow. It shoots bolts. It is not a warhammer. I mean, UristMcRanger seems to have the right idea. Please remember that in the fu- oh... ah. Well, nevermind.

Sincerely,
Your Overlo- I mean Overseer.

[Bobnova]

Dear Urist,

I know you saw a scary berserk dwarf while trying to plant plump helmets.
This does not mean that you need to start randomly attacking other dwarves.
The proper response would be to run away, then come back and plant more.
Not, mind you, run away and attack the first dwarf you see.

Thanks,
Overseer.

[Williham]

Dear Busbel McCatOwner,

It is worth noting at this juncture that the purpose of having a cat in the fortress is to have it eat vermin. This is a vital task for the health of the fortress, and is is therefore commendable that not only have you seen to it to adopt one of these majestic creatures, you have also adopted a male one, aiding in population control, another vital task for the health of the fortress.

However: It would have been much appreciated if you could have also adopted a cat that was not a complete fucking idiot.

If you wonder where your cat is, I can happily inform you that he has been found, alive and well. He has somehow gotten himself stuck in the butcher shop ventilation chimney, where he is clinging to a wall with a hamster in his mouth; and near as anyone can tell, he has been there for at least a year now.

Consider yourself lucky that your pet is one of vital importance, and that you therefore may well be reunited. Should this repeat itself, however, we will simply live with the various creepy crawlies.

Sincerely,
dean of records, Mido Poscoņe

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist Mc* et al,

For some reason, someone decided to drop a stone right next to the trench we had dug across our entrance, right in the space where I was planning to build the drawbridge. Because apparently builders are terrified of moving things, the drawbridge leading out of our fortress cannot be completed until someone moves this. You may note that there had been an order outstanding for months to dump this stone, and that when that didn't work, I put a stone stockpile about three feet away from it, yet no one seems to have moved it yet. This despite the fact that I have about 30 dwarves with the hauling labor sitting around idle, apparently unable to find anything to do. Access in and out of the fortress will not be possible until this stone is moved. However, despite the fact that a number of dwarves who were trapped outside when the trench was completed have died of dehydration or frozen to death, I do not want you to feel rushed in this task. I know that you will move this rock in your own time, and it's not like we urgently need caravans for anything. I know we're out of wood, so we can't really make anything, as we don't have any coal and are out of charcoal as well, but no rush on that. We have about 10 years worth of stockpiled food and drinks, so I suppose you can all sit around and drink yourselves silly in your own time, and hopefully no one is too attached to those dwarves who are stuck outside.

R/OS

P.S. While I fully support the democratic process and allowing you to choose your own rulers, if you elect another mayor who campaigned on the promise to ban exports of bags and boxes, you may notice portions of the fortress being accidentally flooded.

[AernJardos]

Dear Urist McHauler,

You are being investigated for treason and conspiracy with the Elves. That is the only reason I can possibly imagine that you would choose to take a barrel full of ammunition out of the ammo stockpile and then leave it on the surface, a hard slog away from the fortress. You then ignored all shouts to haul the barrel back inside, or at the very least haul it to a dump site inside the fortress. Due to such negligence and/or treason the only ammunition of all of DeepCrystal was promptly raided by monkeys whom we could not shoot as they had our everloving bolts. As an Elven caravan arrived just afterwards bringing with them tame monkeys and fresh ammunition to sell us, your ploy was far less stealthy than perhaps you had planned. Should you be found guilty of treason you will be sentenced to the Judgement of the Moon to live or die as Armok wills it.

Make peace with whatever gods you worship,
Your Overseer

[Tawa]

Dear Goblin McSnatcher,

Thank you so much for testing out how well my stone-fall traps work! I can see it really did a number on YOUR FACE. Thank you as well for proving how well a few wooden crossbow bolts from a veteran hunter drafted into the military can disable your leg.

Sincerely,
  Tawarochir

[Bki]

Dear Urist McMasons,

I understand that work is something to hard for you. I can accept your need to take break all the time. Please do it before or after your work on getting more passage through the aquifer. Three time I started a drain to the cavern, three time you took your break just at that moment where the framerate dropped rather than waiting to construct a mere 16 walls before doing so, and letting me free to handle more important tasks, such as getting your rooms done or walling off the cavern so a giant flying beast doesn't suddenly appear to condemn all of you to a horrible death.

Thanks,
Your OVerseer.

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McMayor,

See that guy who's been following you around for the last few months? He's a diplomat. I don't know if you realize it, but a big part of your job as mayor involves meeting with foreign diplomats. Since you campaigned so hard to be elected as mayor, I kind of figured this was a part of the job you wanted and not just forbidding me from exporting things. Now I understand you need to eat, and drink, and sleep, and pick up equipment, and make clothing and such, but I'm sure the diplomat has things he would like to do too, and he can't do them while he's waiting for you to meet with him. So please, if it's not too much trouble, I would like to get this meeting over with some time during the current fiscal year, if you don't mind.

R/OS

[Dunamisdeos]

Dear Urist McMason,

Are you a wizard? Perhaps you are a professor in Quantum Mechanics? Because when you built a floor supported by nothing but a bridge, everything went fine. That is, until you realized that this was impossible, and that the floor had apparantly been floating in mid air during its construction. After you realized what was happening, the floor literally  exploded into dust where it stood, and the remainder plummeted 10z layers to (quite improbably) punch through multiple levels of dwarven masonry.

This is your friendly neighborhood overseer, telling you to observe the laws of nature at all times in the future.

Thanks