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[Tawa]

Dear Urist McMiner,
If and when you are reincarnated, IF THERE IS A NUCLEAR BOMB OF A HILLSIDE ABOUT TO FALL ON YOU, GET OUT OF ITS GODDAMN WAY.

Sincerely, your fortress overseer, Tawarochir Forestrider (who is, if the internet says anything), The First.

[TD1]

* Th4DwArfY1 peers suspiciously at Tawarochir

Forestrider, eh?

PLAGIARISM!

[Tawa]

wut

[Magnumcannon]

Dear Pesky Dworfs

 There is something called BARREL and another thing called BIN, now stop leaving all the food and your useless crap at the floor and go STORE IT.

[TD1]

wut

Huh. I'll never leap at what I think is a Farstrider reference again.

[Tawa]

((I finished LOTR waaay before I started WoT. That's what "Tawarochir" translates to in Sindarin; "Forest rider".))

Dear Urist McMilitiacaptainwhoisanarchitectontheoffseason:

If I tell you to build a bridge out of siltstone blocks, BUILD THE BRIDGE. DO NOT take detours between block-hauling to get boozed up and take naps. There are children outside the fort dying in the cold. Next time I build a bridge over a major moat, FINISH THE BRIDGE BEFORE I DIG A BACK DOOR. I have to build a drawbridge in there and leave the door locked.

-Tawarochir

[Iamblichos]

Dear Engravers of Largeropes:

I realize that you are very fond of the Captain America movies.  I get it.  I do.  They are good entertainment.  Red Skull reminds of a necromancer, sure.

However.

Please, for the love of little baby Armok in his lava cradle, STOP ENGRAVING HYDRAS ALL OVER THE DAMN FORT.  There are a LOT of other events that have happened worth commemorating.  Tons.  Seriously.  I checked.  We even killed a giantess.  Enough with the Hydra.

Sincerely,

Your Overseer

[Tawa]

Dear Engravers of Largeropes:

I realize that you are very fond of the Captain America movies.  I get it.  I do.  They are good entertainment.  Red Skull reminds of a necromancer, sure.

However.

Please, for the love of little baby Armok in his lava cradle, STOP ENGRAVING HYDRAS ALL OVER THE DAMN FORT.  There are a LOT of other events that have happened worth commemorating.  Tons.  Seriously.  I checked.  We even killed a giantess.  Enough with the Hydra.

Sincerely,

Your Overseer

You ever read Boatmurdered? Dwarves engrave whatever they feel is most influential in their lives.

Unless they're lame historians.

[Iamblichos]

Yes, I think of Boatmurdered every time the engravers get 'hung' on a particular subject... although I have enjoyed reading so many succession forts, nothing will ever match the first time, and Boatmurdered was my first.

[the1337doofus]

Yes, I think of Boatmurdered every time the engravers get 'hung' on a particular subject... although I have enjoyed reading so many succession forts, nothing will ever match the first time, and Boatmurdered was my first.

Man, I loved Boatmurdered. Sure, by now it's standard fare for every fortress, but it's still awesome in that it was what got me into DF.


____
A note to the ten masons of Fort Hope;
When I say "You're no longer allowed to haul things, only build walls and other mason-things", I.
Fucking.
Mean.
DROP.
YOUR GODDAMN.
TOY.
GO PICK UP A BLOCK.
AND TURN IT INTO A WALL TO KEEP THE STEEL RANGERS OUT.
You ten idiots, you know who you are, and I can't be arsed to look up your names, are the reason everyone in the fortress is dead. Burn in Tartarus you stupid bastards.

-Overcolt Doof

[Agent_Irons]

Note to Urist mcExpendable:

You're hunters specifically because if you get your head kicked in by cavern creatures nobody will miss you. However, I think you're taking this detachment thing a little too far. You do not have to clean up the blood of the creatures you are hunting, even if the impulse is admirable. Less admirable is your apparent desire to clean up the blood while it's still coming out of the creature, because it's still alive.

Finish one job before starting another, will you? Or I *will* burrow you to the alarm pasture and burn you in magma. Don't think I won't.

[pisskop]

Dear Elves;

I hate you.  I promised my militia we would be robbing you.  I got them all the fanciest weapons I could smith.  I set them to train and live-trained them on wild ogres, harpies, and giant wolverines.  We meticulously dumped items in the evil biome to make a trap.  And we doctored everybody at the cost of the fort.

So when you decide to pop by in front of an ash cloud, with a family of ogres between you and us, I get a little sad.  I dont want to have to deal with the ash cloud effects on my goods; and I dont want to be cheated out of my kills by ogres.  You see, the ash is actually fairly harmless to large monsters, but to things our size it will cause enough pain to make you pass out.  And then you wake up and go to sleep.

I hope they don't hurt you too hard, honestly.  I just hope you don't spoil my food.

    -The Management

[deepfreeze78]

Dear UristMcHauler,

Please don't haul things into the atomsasher as it is about to atomsmash. I understand we just killed an elf caravan and we need to bring their bodies to be atomsmashed, but did you really need to do it right then? If you had waited a few more frames, you would have been safe, and we would not be needing to engrave a memorial slab.

Sincerely,
Your Careless Overseer

[pisskop]

Dear Migrant;

Hunting Giant Cave Spiders is not a recommended use of your time.  I had you slated to be a trial mason, one of the higher posts of the fort.  Should you live through you slashed throat, I will reassign you to a marksdwarf squad.

signed.

[Eric Blank]

Hint: he will not survive the slashed throat. That's a death sentence.