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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1555358 times)

TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5730 on: May 15, 2014, 11:53:16 am »

Dear Urist McBroker,

I have taken hauling off your to-do list. So why you insist on continuing to try to haul goods to the depot is a little baffling to me.

R/OS
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5731 on: May 15, 2014, 11:59:22 am »

Dear Urist McCaravanTrader,

I recognize that with my normal broker being otherwise engaged, and his replacement being rather inept at commercial matters, you may wish to seek additional compensation for your trading efforts, and I do understand. However, when I offer you 130,000☼ worth of goods for 75,00☼ worth of merchandise, and you accuse me of playing childish games and refuse to trade with me, I do take a small amount of offense. On a completely unrelated topic, a malfunction in our irrigation system appears to have sealed you inside the depot and opened the floodgate that you may have noticed in the corner, causing the depot to slowly fill with water. I regret that there does not appear to be anything I can do to fix this, however I assure you that once you have finished drowning and we have found a way to drain the depot, we will make the best possible use of your merchandise.

Regards,
The overseer of the civilization capital addressing a citizen of some piss-ant outland
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Kamin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5732 on: May 15, 2014, 12:01:11 pm »

Dear Urist McCaravanTrader,

I recognize that with my normal broker being otherwise engaged, and his replacement being rather inept at commercial matters, you may wish to seek additional compensation for your trading efforts, and I do understand. However, when I offer you 130,000☼ worth of goods for 75,00☼ worth of merchandise, and you accuse me of playing childish games and refuse to trade with me, I do take a small amount of offense. On a completely unrelated topic, a malfunction in our irrigation system appears to have sealed you inside the depot and opened the floodgate that you may have noticed in the corner, causing the depot to slowly fill with water. I regret that there does not appear to be anything I can do to fix this, however I assure you that once you have finished drowning and we have found a way to drain the depot, we will make the best possible use of your merchandise.

Regards,
The overseer of the civilization capital addressing a citizen of some piss-ant outland
Hahaha, ptw based on this post alone.

TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5733 on: May 15, 2014, 02:20:10 pm »

Dear Urist McCaravanTrader,

I apologize for any inconvenience caused by the flooding of our trade depot and the near drowning of you and your men. As you may have noted, it is now winter and the water source for the trade depot has frozen over. This will unfortunately introduce a small delay in our ability to re-open the trade depot. I am very sorry for this additional delay, but we will do our best to finish your drowning as quickly as possible.

R/OS

P.S. It appears a few from your caravan have somehow managed to get through the fortification blocking off the entrance to the water supply and gained access to the upper level. I am not sure how this has happened, but I suspect they have exploited a bug in the game mechanics, which seems very unsportsdwarflike to me. I will leave it up to you to reprimand them for this.
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5734 on: May 15, 2014, 03:41:34 pm »

Dear Urist McCaravanTrader,

You have no idea how relieved I am that you and most of your caravan were able to escape drowning in the flooding of our depot by slipping through a narrow opening around the fortification over the irrigation system. It truly defies belief that you appeared to suffer only a single death, and even more astonishing is that his corpse is now blocking the closing of the floodgate into the trade depot. But that is okay, for you I am willing to dismantle a good portion of my pumping system in order to ensure that you may safely exit the trade depot. In future though, I would appreciate if when dying, your men tried to do it in a place where it was less likely to cause obstruction to the operation of our machinery, I'm sure you understand. I am also very sorry that many of your wagons do not seem to have survived the flood, meaning you will not be able to carry back your merchandise with you. Do not be concerned though, as I will be more than happy to provide storage space for it. You may also rest assured that as soon as the depot is drained, my masons will set to work at once to correct the engineering deficiency that allowed you to escape this flood to occur. I assure you that this incident will not be repeated. If you have any further concerns, I have provided our militia to answer your questions, as well as to safely escort you out of our territory. I am afraid I cannot permit you to take your merchandise back with you as I would not feel right allowing you to travel with such a dangerous encumbrance. Please travel safely and try not to let the drawbridges hit you on the way out.

Best Regards,
Overseer
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5735 on: May 15, 2014, 04:13:17 pm »

Dear Urist McBeekeeper,

The nine beehives outside of this fortress are all right next to each other in a very conspicuous, very easily accessible location. Quit trying to get out of having to do any work by saying "could not find path" or "job item lost or destroyed." You're not fooling anyone and you're clogging the message feed.

R/OS
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Urist McShire

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5736 on: May 15, 2014, 06:51:06 pm »

Dear Urist McDoctors,

I've turned off all of your labours. There is nothing that needs to be dumped. You don't have to go and haul any of those *Gold Scepters* from the Metalsmith's Workshop to their appropriate bins because other dwarves are already doing that. There are no enemies around to scare you away from a job. There is an injured recruit in the hospital with eight red lines of injury text who is somehow still alive after being shot at by ten Goblin Bowmen who caught her alone during the last siege. She needs a diagnosis.

STOP D*CKING AROUND AT THE WELL THINKING THAT YOU'VE GOT NO JOB TO DO! GET IN THAT HOSPITAL, DIAGNOSE, AND TREAT HER ALREADY!

Sincerely,

Annoyed with how low on your priorities treating your fallen comrades is
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Larix

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5737 on: May 15, 2014, 08:01:45 pm »

Dear Urist McBeekeeper,

The nine beehives outside of this fortress are all right next to each other in a very conspicuous, very easily accessible location. Quit trying to get out of having to do any work by saying "could not find path" or "job item lost or destroyed." You're not fooling anyone and you're clogging the message feed.

R/OS

Ah, sorry chief, the message system's got a problem. You see, i _want_ to say "I want to harvest the honey from a hive, but there are no empty jugs available." but there's no proper report form for it. And if you check the stocks, you might see a lot of ordinary "rock jug"s with no further labels - but they're all full of honey/jelly, it just doesn't get displayed properly. Order more jugs made and i'll stop pestering you.

Sincerely, Urist McBeekeeper.

(P.S. and "could not find path" suggests you fucked up your beekeepers in some other way too, e.g. by stuffing them into a burrow when an out-of-burrow colony was tasked for hive stocking - colonies tasked for a hive can only be un-tasked by toggling the _hive's_ settings. When trying to sort out beekeeping blockages, messing with the beekeepers is almost always the one thing that _doesn't_ help.)

@ healthcare troubles - is the recruit actually showing the "Rest" job? Wounded military dwarfs often fail to properly go into rest mode when injured; i've no good recipe to fix such blockages, but activating/deactivating the dwarf's miltary status or saving/restoring the game sometimes helps. Do you have a hospital and chief medical dwarf? If you lack medical infrastructure, healthcare tends to stall without notice. That said, yes, healthcare jobs are generated annoyingly slowly and sometimes, treatment can hiccup and get stuck, so that a spate of necessary jobs are listed but just don't get generated.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2014, 08:08:33 pm by Larix »
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5738 on: May 15, 2014, 08:04:07 pm »

Dear Urist McBeekeeper,

The nine beehives outside of this fortress are all right next to each other in a very conspicuous, very easily accessible location. Quit trying to get out of having to do any work by saying "could not find path" or "job item lost or destroyed." You're not fooling anyone and you're clogging the message feed.

R/OS

Ah, sorry chief, the message system's got a problem. You see, i _want_ to say "I want to harvest the honey from a hive, but there are no empty jugs available." but there's no proper report form for it. And if you check the stocks, you might see a lot of ordinary "rock jug"s with no further labels - but they're all full of honey/jelly, it just doesn't get displayed properly. Order more jugs made and i'll stop pestering you.

Sincerely, Urist McBeekeeper.

(P.S. and "could not find path" suggests you fucked up your beekeepers in some other way too, e.g. by stuffing them into a burrow when an out-of-burrow colony was tasked for hive stocking - colonies tasked for a hive can only be un-tasked by toggling the _hive's_ settings. When trying to sort out beekeeping blockages, messing with the beekeepers is almost always the one thing that _doesn't_ help.)
There are many, many empty jugs, as that is what I thought as well. My beekeeper is not part of a burrow, and in fact he was standing right next to the beehive when he was giving these messages, so I am really confused about it.
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Larix

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5739 on: May 15, 2014, 08:12:11 pm »

Do you allow "tools" to be stored in stockpiles with bins? That's utterly toxic, jugs will regularly get crammed into bins and blocked by hauling. I only once got the "job item lost or destroyed" spam recently, and i could trace that to poor handling of jugs, once i untangled them, beekeeping worked without complaints again.
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WoobMonkey

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5740 on: May 15, 2014, 08:19:24 pm »

Do you have more than one beekeeper, and more than one hive?  There's a well-documented bug that causes multiple beekeepers to attempt to harvest the same wild hive.  When the first one does it, it destroys the hive, but not the second job - so your second beekeeper is eternally stuck with 'no path' cancellations.
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Edangzak Utharsanad Gedor - think you have what it takes?
CharmCrafted

The dog misses the ball!
The ball softly hits Urist McTrainer in the head, breaking the paper-thin skull and denting the non-existent brain!

TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5741 on: May 15, 2014, 08:27:08 pm »

Memorandum for General Distribution:

I would like to take a moment to address some of the tensions that I have observed recently between the dwarves in our fortress. I recognize that many of you come from many different backgrounds, many different civilizations, and you have kinsmen in many places, and in retrospect, I now realize that it may have been an act of somewhat poor judgement to order the militia to slaughter the members of the dwarven caravan that recently passed through our fortress. It is obvious now that many of you most likely had friends and kinsmen among the guards and traders in that caravan, and seeing your fellow militia members striking them down has doubtless created some confusion and some tensions. I do understand the animosity you must now feel to some of your fortressmates, but let us do our best to keep our perspective. Loyalty to fortress must trump loyalty to clan or civilization; none of us would survive long if we could not trust our brethren who chose to live with us within these walls. In that vein, I must say that these killings need to stop. It is simply not acceptable in a well-run fortress for its citizens to randomly murder each other like this. It reduces productivity and morale for everyone, and is ultimately to the detriment of what we hope to accomplish here. It creates an unhealthy and hostile work environment, where dwarves cannot feel comfortable doing even their most basic jobs. Only today I have heard at least 5 cases of dwarves having to cancel important jobs because they were afraid to go near a dwarf from a rival clan who happened near the jobsite. Think of what this will do to our bottom line in the long term if this continues. Whatever else this fortress may be, it is first and foremost a business, and tribal disputes like these are not good for business. In an effort to boost morale and improve general camaraderie I am instituting casual day on every alternate Wednesday. Dwarves may wear silk vests and caps with images on them if they so desire, provided these images are not offensive to anyone else in the fortress. Note that dwarves in the militia are still required to wear their armor at all times, but they may wear casual clothes over top of them. I am also going to encourage more social gatherings among the dwarves. I am freeing the mayor from other tasks so that he will have more free time to organize parties and other social functions. If these measures fail, I will be forced to lock you all into a room until you can find a way to settle our differences. Our grand meeting hall has more than enough space for all the dwarves in this fortress to stand with several inches of free space between them, and is tastefully decorated with weapon and armor racks and has convenient access to the food and drink stores and the armory, so I think it would be ideal for this purpose. Please do not make me resort to such drastic measures though. I am confident that you are all mature, sane, and sober enough that you can resolve this amicably and we can return to the proper business of running this fortress.

I remain your faithful and benevolent Overlord,
The Overseer
« Last Edit: May 15, 2014, 09:04:42 pm by TV4Fun »
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5742 on: May 15, 2014, 08:29:34 pm »

Do you have more than one beekeeper, and more than one hive?  There's a well-documented bug that causes multiple beekeepers to attempt to harvest the same wild hive.  When the first one does it, it destroys the hive, but not the second job - so your second beekeeper is eternally stuck with 'no path' cancellations.
I have only a single beekeeper with multiple hives, however it is possible I have had tools stored into bins and that has caused the problem. So if my fortress survives its current civil war, then I will try that.
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TV4Fun

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5743 on: May 15, 2014, 08:42:18 pm »

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf,

I understand that you are upset and that is only natural. However, please keep in mind that you are a reserve marksdwarf who is only barely competent at that, and the dwarf you are picking a fight with is an elite Axe Lord. This a not a fight you will win.

Concernedly,
The Overseer
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BenLubar

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5744 on: May 15, 2014, 11:05:28 pm »

Dear AllTheUrists,

We have 200+ prepared meals. Stop eating the plump helmets.

   thank

Dear Mr.Home,

I'm not hungry enough to eat a full meal. I just wanted to eat this mushroom as a snack!

your dwarf,
Urist
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