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[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McSoldier,

While I appreciate your desire to make sure you have all the proper equipment before going into combat, when there is a goblin siege going on, and I order everyone back inside the walls and the militia to the fortifications, that does not mean you should go wandering around outside looking for that one extra crossbow bolt that you can pull out of the corpse of one of your fellow dwarves before manning the wall. Also, if when doing this, you encounter the invading goblin army, while it is very brave of you to try to take them on single-handedly, perhaps it would be a better idea to retreat to where the rest of the militia is, rather than making a suicidal charge at them. Oh well, you will be missed.

R/OS

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McMiner,

I'm absolutely thrilled that you located some warm stone and were smart enough to not dig into it and avoid flooding the entire fortress with magma. However, I'm kind of in the middle of defending the fortress from a siege. You can stop interrupting me every 2 seconds to tell me about it.

R/OS

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McMechanic,

I know it was only 3 or 4 months ago that I told you link that bridge sealing the entrance to our fortress to the lever to raise it, and I know that you had some very important drinking and sleeping to do before you could do that. And truly, it is a testament to the strength of our military training that in spite of having a wide open entrance, we were able to fend off the last goblin siege while only losing 7 or 8 of our most elite fighters. And the forgotten beast that was considerate enough to attack at the same time was only able to kill 15 or 20 workers because my militia were too busy fighting off goblins to go kill it. I'm also quite sure that the resulting tantrum spiral will most likely not cause too much permanent damage to my fortress. Hopefully we shouldn't have more 10 or 15 dwarves go berserk in the near future. So I would like to thank you for the significant boost you have given to my framerate from the reduction in our population, and I hope you are still very comfortable. Is there anything I can get for you? A pillow? Some river spirits? A magma pool to decorate your quarters perhaps? By all means, I am at your service.

Regards,
The overseer who in no way wants to painfully kill you to make an example for the next mechanic

[Victor6]

Attention all Urists McMilitarydorfs.

That hauled item you lugged all the way to your deployment zone is not a note from your mother excusing you from battle and allowing you to run off back to the stockpile like a cowardly human.

The Overseer.

[Lolfail0009]

To my dearest allies, the RAWs.

Prepare your parentheses, cause I'm about to fuck with Urdirnar's species file big-time. For !!SCIENCE!!

Signed,
Lolfail0009, He Who Can't Change His Fucking Name the Psychotic RAWmancer.

[JerDGold]

Dear Urist McFortress Denizens,
   I know things are bad right.  I know there's Miasma in your dining rooms.  I know your best friends are dead.  I know your other best friends are the ones that did it.  I know everyone around you is acting a little nutty and you can't sleep or work with it happening.  I know all of these things.  But there is plenty to eat, and plenty to drink.  So please,  eat a cat meat biscuit, drink some dwarven rum, let the Militia Captain do his job, shut up for five seconds and do some work.  If you trust me, everything will be ok and you can have your pick of your dead friends' stuff.

-Caring Overseer

[Airgeoff]

Dear Urist McMiner,

Please, if you're digging into an aquifer level and you dunk yourself in the water, it would be appreciated if you just stepped up the ramp positioned right beside or under you, and didn't decide to swim across the entire lake you're creating to get out of the water, thereby drowning yourself in the attempt.

-Benign Overseer

[Revlakius Javensky]

Another letter to everyone, namely Terrakius Javensky and Torvatius Javensky,

Terra, please refrain from going outside. I know you have a responsibility as a woodcutter, but when Badger Boars are outside, run inside instead of running down the hill and almost getting lost again. Next time those Badgers may not be so merciful...

Torva, do not attack the angry Badger Boars. There are at least twenty of them, and you have no armor. Or weapons.

~Revlakius Javensky

[BumbleMead]

Dear ,

I am sorry about the cave troll attack, and the resulting grievous injuries you suffered. Although you're missing a good chunk of skull and probably won't ever pick up anything again, you have to admit that your situation could be worse. You are attended, nearly constantly, by the large population of good doctors that migrated to this fort and are the only injured dwarf who survived the initial attack. I understand that lying in traction all day is less than thrilling, and that your husband has recently gone melancholic, and you are therefore miserable. I can't help but wonder, however, if this is because you announce the death of your baby every year on the anniversary of her death. It's been three years since she died. The corpse birthdays, followed immediately by an announcement of the baby having suffocated, are very creepy. Also, they keep making me look for a nonexistent attack. Kindly knock it off, and I'll have the engravers finish the walls, only you're providing excellent medical training in the event of another attack and I'd hate to have to off you now.
                              -Bumblemead

[TheBeardyMan]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

What weapon did I tell you to use when I drafted you and told you to kill that monkey?
What weapon did you have in your hand until you decided to drop it and take it back to the weapon stockpile?
Hint: they both start with "A".

Regards,
Frustrated Overseer.

[blazing glory]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

What weapon did I tell you to use when I drafted you and told you to kill that monkey?
What weapon did you have in your hand until you decided to drop it and take it back to the weapon stockpile?
Hint: they both start with "A".

Regards,
Frustrated Overseer.

But overseer! The axe has been dulled from hitting trees all month and would surely be bad for use in combat! So I'm taking the liberty to to return this axe for the next woodcutter! If you were to assign me a different axe then I would use it right away!

((It's a bug that make's woodcutters who have been drafted to never use the weapon their holding,think it applies to miners as well.))

[Eric Blank]

Miners will store their picks to grab a different weapon, too. Both will use their weapons in combat if they don't decide to store it before they run into an enemy, though, such as if they for whatever reason decide to go grab a piece of armor before storing their weapon, or the enemy is already in their LOS.

[Mr.Mountain]

Dear AllTheUrists,

We have 200+ prepared meals. Stop eating the plump helmets.

   thank

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McBroker,

To help ensure that you know where you need to be, I have created a burrow encompassing our trade depot and assigned you to remain there for the duration of the dwarven caravan's stay. This was done in the hopes that standing next to a foreign caravan, with a bunch of trade goods from us, and from them surrounding you, and an order from me to go to the depot to trade, you might get the idea that it could be a good idea to do some trading. However, while you have done reasonably well at staying in your assigned burrow, and indeed are standing right in the center of the trade depot. The actual trading part still seems to be eluding you. Instead, you are repeatedly complaining about your inability to access items from stockpiles outside your burrow. There is a reason these things are outside your burrow: moving them is not your job. When you figure out what your job is, base on any of the many subtle clues I left you, please let me know.

Regards,
Overseer

[WoobMonkey]

Dear boss,

If you don't want me trying to haul things, why haven't you taken hauling off of my 'to do' list?

-Urist McBroker.