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[pisskop]

A summation of my most recent fort:

Hi wandering tick couple!  We don't have any issues with you guys, so lalalala.  We are just going to collapse our wagon underground to avoid that cloud over there.  lalala.

[tick man goes to investigate]
[tick woman screams in brief agony]
[tick arm, tick head, tick torso, tick man thralls walk to ditch]

~fin

fastest.  fort.  ever.

[Lolfail0009]

A summation of my most recent fort:

Hi wandering tick couple!  We don't have any issues with you guys, so lalalala.  We are just going to collapse our wagon underground to avoid that cloud over there.  lalala.

[tick man goes to investigate]
[tick woman screams in brief agony]
[tick arm, tick head, tick torso, tick man thralls walk to ditch]

~fin

fastest.  fort.  ever.

Strike the earth!
A section of the cavern has collapsed!
Your fortress has crumbled to its end.

[Waxonian]

Because it's just not normal for a dwarf to die of old age.

My current fortress notes 3 dwarfes which died of old age, 15 years after foundation. One was a elite marksdwarf, unfortunately. Good old Urist McSharpshooter, rest peaceful in your tomb.

[vidboi]

Dear children of Dodokmidor,

I'm am aware there are only 30 adults to look after all 60 plus of you. I am also aware that you seem to be forming large roving gangs in order to attract the attention of certain said adults. There is however a reason we live in the 3rd cavern layer - I'm a sadistic overlord who loves forgotten beast extract the surface is somewhat overflowing with goblins. When our legendary swordsdwarf - nicknamed "the silvery blazes of rhythm" - does go outside it's pretty obvious what she's going for. Please stop following her, I've assigned you all to a nice burrow with everything you could ever want, unlike the outside which only has sharp objects headng in your direction at high speed. Although our military is highly trained at avoiding said objects you are not, and the surface is covered wth enough bodies as it is.

Sincerely, your concerned overseer.

[than402]

Dear ghosts of Ramearth,

I understand you want to be properly buried and go to the afterlife.I also want you to get out of my fort.If you stop chopping off the legs of my (very few) dwarfs,i might as well manage to properly memorialize you.Everyone wins.

[flame99]

Dear Urist McIdiot,

You just fell asleep while working on walling off the aquifer. While the aquifer is still flowing at you. How do you even manage that?! On top of that, you're a lyemaker in a fortress that was founded THIS YEAR! Why are you even here? Did you go melancholy and the game forgot to tell me?!
Luckily for you, plans have been made for the Lavadome, and we'd like to offer you the prestigious chance to be the very first person to see the interior of it!

With much hatred,
Your malevolent Overseer.

[Waxonian]

Dear Urist McStonehauler

I appreciate your effort to supply rock to all these masterly masons and crafters. But did you know: there is plenty of rock everywhere in the fortress - not only at that minecart track. Rock in the hallways, rock in the dining rooms, rock everwhere. Why did you want to get that stone far in the most distant corner of this dwarven subway tunnel? What was so particular with that piece of mudstone that made you to walk hours into darkness? What was your intention: to trick your companions to save you having your legs broken out of that high traffic minecart route?

I must confess I didn't disable that single one stone, but I'm sorry, I didn't realize what attraction it was for you. I really hope the surgeon will master your complex injuries, so we can discuss about your love for that mudstone later.

Sincerely
your overseer

[Jack Smythe]

Dear Urist Mc-Didn't-Pull-the-Lever,

Dear Armok, everyone's going to die. The goblins are coming out of the walls! Game over, man, game over!

Your Overseer,
Jack McScrewed

[pisskop]

Dear Miner:

Good job with the mining.  I told you to dig out a path from the cavern lake to the little cavern pond that touches the edge, and you did.  I told you to sneak by the hostile cave swallowmen, and you did.  I told you to dig up, and you did.  I just did not realize that there was a third pond I did not see.  You created a whirlpool that took you a month to crawl out of.  luckily you were quick to learn to swim.

That said.

Why do you think it is a good idea to pass out from exhaustion on the shore of the lake, within sight of the tribals and with all kinds of olms and crocs wandering around?  Do you think I am made of copper picks?  Get your arse topside and don't get riddled with darts.

[NeatHedgehog]

Greetings, Urist McMason,

While your efforts in singlehandedly constructing the archer's pillbox out in front of the fortress is certainly appreciated, the work would go much faster if you would not build yourself into corners every other minute, requiring either mind-numbing micromanagement, or that the newly built wall or fortification to be torn down so that you may return home and not starve to death on the wall.

[flame99]

Greetings, Urist McMason,

While your efforts in singlehandedly constructing the archer's pillbox out in front of the fortress is certainly appreciated, the work would go much faster if you would not build yourself into corners every other minute, requiring either mind-numbing micromanagement, or that the newly built wall or fortification to be torn down so that you may return home and not starve to death on the wall.

I'd let 'em starve myself. He's practically asked for it at this point.

[mate888]

Dear Urist McPussyEngraver: Why you have a "Have witnessed death recently" unhappy tougth when you willingly took that plump helmet man to the butcher and slaugthered him? If you don't like killing things then DON'T KILL THINGS.
Utterly confused.
The overseer.

[Eric Blank]

Dear overseer:

I had no idea it would be like that! I've never done this before!

Urist McPussyEngraver

[thefish1992]

Dear (soon to be) old mayor of senserag

Amulets? Seriously? you mandate and forbid the exporting of amulet!?
ok thats fine. whatever i will fill that mandate later, but before you go, could i get your opinoin on this trash compactor? Theirs this little detail under it i would like you to see.

Your overseer.

Dear New Mayor of senserag

It was a terrible tragedy. that poor old mayor, crushed into dust. Real shame that, but you wont have to worry about that will you? now what mandate will you make sir? Something nice? Helmets and buckets you say? I can do that, just stay away from trash compactors and amulets my friend and i'm sure we will get along just fine.

Your ever caring overseer.

Dear Ballista operator.

You have to be shitting me! I know ballistas are extremly inaccurate but they cant be THIS bad! I mean how dificult is it to shoot a ballita arrow down a one wide hallway? The Barnum and Baileys Hell time show is canned in that hallway, now get drunk, get on the war machine, AND SHOOT STRAIT!!!

Your Less than understanding overseer

Dear military of the Former fortress of senserag

Well that's is guys. you could have done it you know that? you could have beaten the circus. you had them at that choke point, you were clad in steel and they were all made of material that steel could cut. You had it..... and blew it.
i don't know why you thought moving to the stair way was a good idea, but that is what you did. half of you tripped almost immediately into the magma at the bottom. the other half didn't do much better. but its okay. it was fun, and that's what matters. So to you my dwarves in steel i raise my glass. To the fun of the loss my dear dwarves, and my the loser always have fun.

Sincerest farewell from your overseer,
Thefish1992.

[mate888]

Dear overseer:

I had no idea it would be like that! I've never done this before!

Urist McPussyEngraver

Actually, you did, you mercilessly killed a coyote like seven seconds before that, and you had a HAPPY tought about that. Just... Keep engraving please.

Overseer.