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[IronTomato]

Dear Farmers:

There ARE plump helmet spawns. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No love,
~IronTomato

But Boss, when Catten has 'em, then me and Urist can't find 'em!  So  there might as well not be any t'all.  Surely ye can see my logic, laddie.

Fath McFarmer

This made me laugh quite a bit. 

[h0lx]

Dear citizens of Mountainbore

I understand that at this time we have citizens only policy at our burial chambers, but there is a large, working refuse pile just outside the fortress neatly inside the safe perimeter. There is absolutely no justification for leaving your dead guineachick laying in the dining room. The miasma it generates aint going to make you any happier.

[Lielac]

Dear goblins of The Complex Terror currently fucking around in my HFPD:

Dudes. Stop trying so hard. You're not going anywhere, so turn off that siege marker already.

Sweetest regards,
Overseer of Orbeagles

PS: How's it smell down there?

[klefenz]

Dear citizens of Mountainbore

I understand that at this time we have citizens only policy at our burial chambers, but there is a large, working refuse pile just outside the fortress neatly inside the safe perimeter. There is absolutely no justification for leaving your dead guineachick laying in the dining room. The miasma it generates aint going to make you any happier.

I think you need a corpse stockpile if it was an owned pet.

[ImagoDeo]

dear Urist McCooker

STOP LEAVING MEAT INSIDE BUTCHERY FOR MONTH AND THEN TANTRUMING BECAUSE OF MIASMA for love of ARMOK !!!

Dear Overseer:

See, now, Jack the Hauler can't haul it to a full stockpile; and I ain't got the skill to cook food fast enough to open up stockpile spaces; so maybe YOU should consider not ordering all dem aminals butchered at once! Eh?!

-Urist McCook

P.S. The name's McCook, not McCooker! Get it right, Armok damn you.

Below is a crude drawing of a hairy, dwarfy, raised middle finger.

[wierd]

Dear goblins of The Complex Terror currently fucking around in my HFPD:

Dudes. Stop trying so hard. You're not going anywhere, so turn off that siege marker already.

Sweetest regards,
Overseer of Orbeagles

PS: How's it smell down there?

It's quite a bit like home, actually-- you disgustingly corpulent waste of skin. I wouldn't expect a bunch of hairy faced cheese eating lushes like yourselves to understand how the delicate aromas of the troll herds and slave cages mingle to produce the unique bouquet that is a PROPER *GOBLIN* fortress, what with your constant vomit inducing binge drinking, repulsive legal system, and stilted social lives-- Even the screams down here are quite soothing and nostalgic to us! 

And no, we WONT be giving up so easily, you stupid, mushroom-sucking sycophant! We will siege your hideous blight of a fortress until every last one of us dies trying, and I mean EVERY LAST ONE-- Even our kindred in The Complex Terror back home-- Our deaths will only strengthen their resolve!

signed,
Gobbo McLasher
Lasher for The Complex Terror

C/O Orbeagles;
HFPD complex

[attached is a crude drawing of Orbeagles on fire with arrows shooting all over, surrounded by angry goblins making various forms of provocative gestures and poses, as other goblins appear to be shearing dwaven beards off and making yarn and other mockeries from the shaven hair. The words "Dwarves are fools; Goblins Rule!" have been hastily scrawled over the top, along side the phrase "What we're gonna do to you when we tear down your little fortress" in the margins near the illustration.]

[than402]

Dear dwarves of Wardrock

Stop drinking at the depot.Especially during a siege.

[IronTomato]

Dear dwarves of Wardrock

Stop drinking at the depot.Especially during a siege.

Dear Armok,

We're all just too lazy to find somewhere else to drink- we're too busy drinkin' to think.

Besides, if we fight the siege, we'll be killed! Better just to sit here and have a good time while we safely wait it out.

From Wardrock with Love,
Urist

[Lielac]

Dear goblins of The Complex Terror currently fucking around in my HFPD:

Dudes. Stop trying so hard. You're not going anywhere, so turn off that siege marker already.

Sweetest regards,
Overseer of Orbeagles

PS: How's it smell down there?

It's quite a bit like home, actually-- you disgustingly corpulent waste of skin. I wouldn't expect a bunch of hairy faced cheese eating lushes like yourselves to understand how the delicate aromas of the troll herds and slave cages mingle to produce the unique bouquet that is a PROPER *GOBLIN* fortress, what with your constant vomit inducing binge drinking, repulsive legal system, and stilted social lives-- Even the screams down here are quite soothing and nostalgic to us! 

And no, we WONT be giving up so easily, you stupid, mushroom-sucking sycophant! We will siege your hideous blight of a fortress until every last one of us dies trying, and I mean EVERY LAST ONE-- Even our kindred in The Complex Terror back home-- Our deaths will only strengthen their resolve!

signed,
Gobbo McLasher
Lasher for The Complex Terror

C/O Orbeagles;
HFPD complex

[attached is a crude drawing of Orbeagles on fire with arrows shooting all over, surrounded by angry goblins making various forms of provocative gestures and poses, as other goblins appear to be shearing dwaven beards off and making yarn and other mockeries from the shaven hair. The words "Dwarves are fools; Goblins Rule!" have been hastily scrawled over the top, along side the phrase "What we're gonna do to you when we tear down your little fortress" in the margins near the illustration.]

Dear Gobbo McLasher,

[A picture follows of goblin corpses piled up on top of repeating spike traps inside a tube of glass windows, while dwarves party in a statue garden just beyond the goblins' reach.]

Aww, aren't you so adorable?

I'll use your corpses to harden my dwarves against tragedy, McLasher, and that's the only time you'll ever terrify my dwarves. Your every action makes my victory more complete!

Sweet deaths,
Overseer of Orbeagles

[than402]

Dear dwarves of Wardrock

Stop drinking at the depot.Especially during a siege.

Dear Armok,

We're all just too lazy to find somewhere else to drink- we're too busy drinkin' to think.

Besides, if we fight the siege, we'll be killed! Better just to sit here and have a good time while we safely wait it out.

From Wardrock with Love,
Urist

important clarification:my depot is on the OUTSIDE.you'd think that having a unit of lashers charging at them while their crossbowmen buddies positioned themselves around them would get them to heed my alarm and get to the main fortress,but no...

[Nidilap]

Dear, Kobolds,

It has come to my attention that there have been several... Skirmishes against our fort in the Thievery category. I write wonder why you would try to risk trying to rob the same entry over and over. You had three thieves come at once, two died. The third should have warned you. Evidently, he did not, so I say to you:

Stealth is useless against us. Come with force, or don't come at all.

Overseer of AxeShields.

[IronTomato]

Dear dwarves of Wardrock

Stop drinking at the depot.Especially during a siege.

Dear Armok,

We're all just too lazy to find somewhere else to drink- we're too busy drinkin' to think.

Besides, if we fight the siege, we'll be killed! Better just to sit here and have a good time while we safely wait it out.

From Wardrock with Love,
Urist

important clarification:my depot is on the OUTSIDE.you'd think that having a unit of lashers charging at them while their crossbowmen buddies positioned themselves around them would get them to heed my alarm and get to the main fortress,but no...

Dear armok I am writing really fast as the goblins are banging on the door Ill make this short I'm sorry fer drinkin in the depot but I need some fresh air every once in a while and if I don't have a break erry five minutes I get ornery and grumble at the weather and I need alcohol before I can kill the goblins thank ya for your time love Urist

[blazing glory]

Dear dwarves of Wardrock

Stop drinking at the depot.Especially during a siege.

Dear Armok,

We're all just too lazy to find somewhere else to drink- we're too busy drinkin' to think.

Besides, if we fight the siege, we'll be killed! Better just to sit here and have a good time while we safely wait it out.

From Wardrock with Love,
Urist

important clarification:my depot is on the OUTSIDE.you'd think that having a unit of lashers charging at them while their crossbowmen buddies positioned themselves around them would get them to heed my alarm and get to the main fortress,but no...

Dear armok I am writing really fast as the goblins are banging on the door Ill make this short I'm sorry fer drinkin in the depot but I need some fresh air every once in a while and if I don't have a break erry five minutes I get ornery and grumble at the weather and I need alcohol before I can kill the goblins thank ya for your time love Urist

Urist mc Iron Tomato cancels write note:getting slaughtered by gobbos

[DogsRNice]

dear urist mcstrangemood make something useful like a sword next time and STOP HULLING THE MAGNETITE EVERYWARE

[Nyxalinth]

dear urist mcstrangemood make something useful like a sword next time and STOP HULLING THE MAGNETITE EVERYWARE

Yay, I was sigged!

Wait, he has a strange mood, and kept hauling?  I have never seen that before.