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[ImagoDeo]

Dear Goblins,

I understand your massive frustration at seeing my closed gates and impenetrable fortress. I would be just as furious in the same circumstances, especially considering the loss of a number of your forces to cage traps.

However, there was no call for you to return just a week after your previous forces left. The cave dragons are just overkill. And your demon general didn't have to come personally.

It's as though you have a personal vendetta against my fortress specifically. This is only the third year that I've been constructing here! What gives?!

Fortress Overseer of Bannertongue cancels Write Note: Went insane.

"Attention all dwarves. You are now all members of our military. We are going to annihilate these damn goblins. Prepare for the drawbridge to lower."

[smjjames]

Notice to the residents of Omermeng —

I realize that the main component of the artifact chain created by our prized jeweler is, in fact, a gem. Morion to be specific. I also realize none of the stockpiles that are set up to handle chains are set to allow gem-based chains.

I must however regret to inform you that, despite my godly abilities, I am currently unable to mark "Gems" as one of the materials allowed into those stockpiles. I was hoping you would infer that gems would be OK based on the fact that no materials were in fact excluded from the list, but alas this doesn't seem to be the case.

So if you would store the chain in the Artifact Chamber to await installation, this would be much appreciated. I do appreciate your ability to construct chains where they are needed, but I do not need to construct an artifact chain at this time, and wish to protect it from common thieves. Protestations that we are on an island without typical mainland threats such as goblins and probably kobolds will be ignored.

—Overseer

Manager: post this note on the public bulletin board once it is constructed. I trust the dwarves of Omermeng are able to build bulletin boards.

You could just build it in the artifact chamber, forbid it, and set it to be deconstructed......

Or better yet, use it in the communual well.

[MDFification]

Notice to the residents of Omermeng —

I realize that the main component of the artifact chain created by our prized jeweler is, in fact, a gem. Morion to be specific. I also realize none of the stockpiles that are set up to handle chains are set to allow gem-based chains.

I must however regret to inform you that, despite my godly abilities, I am currently unable to mark "Gems" as one of the materials allowed into those stockpiles. I was hoping you would infer that gems would be OK based on the fact that no materials were in fact excluded from the list, but alas this doesn't seem to be the case.

So if you would store the chain in the Artifact Chamber to await installation, this would be much appreciated. I do appreciate your ability to construct chains where they are needed, but I do not need to construct an artifact chain at this time, and wish to protect it from common thieves. Protestations that we are on an island without typical mainland threats such as goblins and probably kobolds will be ignored.

—Overseer

Manager: post this note on the public bulletin board once it is constructed. I trust the dwarves of Omermeng are able to build bulletin boards.

You could just build it in the artifact chamber, forbid it, and set it to be deconstructed......

Or better yet, use it in the communual well.

You should put it in the jail. Any dwarf who winds up in there will think they died and went to heaven. Cheers 'em right up. Of course, then they really do die, because nobody remembered to feed them...

[KingBacon]

Or they get hammered...

[Don Blake]

Dear Urist McChildren it has come to my attention that you're capable of tearing down stone fortifications with your bare hands.  Please consider turning this awesome destructive power on the goblins the next time they arrive, instead of running about the map screaming until you die.

[the1337doofus]

Or they get hammered...

Unless the hammerer befalls an accident. Or is given a candy hammer.

[IronTomato]

Dear Farmers:

There ARE plump helmet spawns. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No love,
~IronTomato

[blazing glory]

Dear Farmers:

There ARE plump helmet spawns. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No love,
~IronTomato

dear IronTomato

would you like a blessed sandwich? after all you don't need beer if you have a sandwich

Love
the religous stock keeper of sandwiches

[9Ball]

Dear Urist McHunter

You've been doing an admirable job bringing in your share of kill this season, and our fortress has never been so well-fed thanks to your efforts. There is, however, a matter in need of discussion.

When you down an Emu with 3 shots but dont kill it, the fourth shot must be the fatal blow, right?

So how in the dirt can you possibly miss 82 shots at the same Emu? It was wobbling around for Armok's sake! At slowest speed! How am I supposed to justify another 100 bolt order?

Regards,
9ball

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Farmers:

There ARE plump helmet spawns. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No love,
~IronTomato

But Boss, when Catten has 'em, then me and Urist can't find 'em!  So  there might as well not be any t'all.  Surely ye can see my logic, laddie.

Fath McFarmer

[Lielac]

Dear outpost liasion,

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMMIT MY BARON'S ROOMS AREN'T EVEN UP TO SNUFF YET WHY ARE YOU PROMOTING HIM TO A COUNT ALREADY YOU DICK

Argh,

Overseer of Orbeagles

[jcochran]

Dear outpost liasion,

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMMIT MY BARON'S ROOMS AREN'T EVEN UP TO SNUFF YET WHY ARE YOU PROMOTING HIM TO A COUNT ALREADY YOU DICK

Argh,

Overseer of Orbeagles

Dear Outpost Liasion,
Since my baron's quarters and tomb are already upgraded to the standards of a Duke, how about we skip the intermediate steps and simply bypass the count rank?

P.S. Working on royal quarters at the moment. When they're complete, I'll send a gift to the mountain home...

[Lielac]

Dear engravers of Orbeagles (all 5 of you):

Enclosed see your orders for the next... however long it takes you. Have fun!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With high hopes for your futures,
Overseer of Orbeagles

[Sebastian2203]

dear Urist McCooker

STOP LEAVING MEAT INSIDE BUTCHERY FOR MONTH AND THEN TANTRUMING BECAUSE OF MIASMA for love of ARMOK !!!

[CHR1SZ]

Dear dorfs
I apologise that my great idea of having a "shallow" pond across the entrance to my fortress had some unforeseen problems, but it's been 2 years now since I asked you to build a bridge over the whole thing so that you could go outside. Please get to work.