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[BumbleMead]

Dear Gened Aspadsmunstu,

   I was excited when I saw that the first forgotten beast for this reclaim had appeared. Even better, you showed up while I was showing the game to one of my friends. My excitement quickly vanished when I realized that A) you were completely content to hang around in the caverns instead of causing fun, and B) you exuded extract with such apparent force that you launched yourself into the walls. At least, this is the only reason I can think of that you ricocheted off of several obstacles, and lost limbs as a result, which you later collided with. I would have thought that you would be better constructed.

In future, perhaps you could maybe be, I dunno, threatening? I mean for Armok's sake, you were a giant made of ice! I've got a horse who did more damage than you!
                                                 -no love, Bumblemead.

[the1337doofus]

Dear Elves;

 Who are you, and what have you done with my embarkment party? You cannot survive in the harsh glaciers, especially with the Spawn raiding you.

Sincerely, a very confused overseer.

[wierd]

Dear Overseer,

We are equally surprised to be here. We suspect that you have been tampering with the laws of nature, and have somehow (looks in arcane, ropereed bound book) "Duplicated entries in the Raws" (stops reading) somehow. The book of arcane knowledge says that if you do that, unpredictable things can happen, and right now, we are just happy we aren't slugmen, or kittens, and that our wagon is not made out of frozen gloom.

Sadly, we can do nothing about this problem, nor can you do anything about it. The book warns that this can only be solved by the complete and utter destruction of such worlds, and the redaction of the perverse changes made, as once the world is generated with the "Twisted Raws", it can never be put right again.

We are terribly frightened, and dont really know what a "Duplicated raw entry" is, but by the sounds of it, the consequences are quite severe, and the bizarre nature of our condition seems to fit the description penned within the book's pages. We are mortified at the idea that we must be completely destroyed, and cannot be redeemed!

Can you not just choose to overlook our afflictions, and try to command us misfits anyway?

Huddled together from both fear and cold,
--Confused elven fortress settlement party

[the1337doofus]

Dear Overseer,

We are equally surprised to be here. We suspect that you have been tampering with the laws of nature, and have somehow (looks in arcane, ropereed bound book) "Duplicated entries in the Raws" (stops reading) somehow. The book of arcane knowledge says that if you do that, unpredictable things can happen, and right now, we are just happy we aren't slugmen, or kittens, and that our wagon is not made out of frozen gloom.

Sadly, we can do nothing about this problem, nor can you do anything about it. The book warns that this can only be solved by the complete and utter destruction of such worlds, and the redaction of the perverse changes made, as once the world is generated with the "Twisted Raws", it can never be put right again.

We are terribly frightened, and dont really know what a "Duplicated raw entry" is, but by the sounds of it, the consequences are quite severe, and the bizarre nature of our condition seems to fit the description penned within the book's pages. We are mortified at the idea that we must be completely destroyed, and cannot be redeemed!

Can you not just choose to overlook our afflictions, and try to command us misfits anyway?

Huddled together from both fear and cold,
--Confused elven fortress settlement party

Elf fortress time!

[Eric Blank]

If it is a duplicated raw problem, then you should at least be able to play the game normally despite being elves, as the issue would not be in the dwarven entity

[Boltgun]

If it is a duplicated raw problem, then you should at least be able to play the game normally despite being elves, as the issue would not be in the dwarven entity

I read somewhere that the game open up other civs to play in certain conditions (like when there is no living dwarf in the world anymore).

[the1337doofus]

If it is a duplicated raw problem, then you should at least be able to play the game normally despite being elves, as the issue would not be in the dwarven entity

I read somewhere that the game open up other civs to play in certain conditions (like when there is no living dwarf in the world anymore).

I don't think that's it, unless masterwork differs from giving you "embark + 2 migrant waves from nowhere" system. As for duplicated raws, I have no idea what could have done that, other than me trying to add The Spawn into masterwork.

[Melanth]

Dear Northern Sergals,

Whilst your courage in the face of the latest Goblin onslaught was commendable, in particular that of our zweihander squad, a few issues of concern have come to my attention. I am aware that many of you have secondary professions to pass the month long monotony between ambushes, however that does not excuse those of you who are cross-trained as butchers choosing to abandon the battlefield to haul goblin carcasses to the butchers shop, some 80 z-levels away. Whilst your concern for this ever reliable supply of fresh meat and iron for our fortress is commendable, I am sure the remainder of your squad would have appreciated your patience in this regard. You are hereby reassigned to cavern duty.

Additionally, I have been informed that a large portion of said meat spoils in the nearby food stockpiles, generating misama that we could all live without. I am forced to question the economy of our haulers in moving the butchered parts out of the shop and leaving them on the bare cavern floor, thus requiring a second job to process them into barrels when delivering them directly to the barrels would be a much more advantagous use of time and energy.

Those of you assigned solely to cleaning and refuse duty would find the task much easier if our hauler's cooperation could be solicited in this regard. If so, perhaps time could be spared in the crafting hall to clean up the pools of blood, vomit and skeletons from the Giant Kea invasion some five years ago. Whilst blood is truely the most holy of fluids, our stonecrafters feel that covering every hard surface in the stuff is a tad excessive.

PS: Although being assigned the position of Manager grants certain privilages, I feel it is an excessive abuse of such to leave your work orders unsigned for two years whilst you sleep, eat and drink yourself into a diabetic coma. Our diplomats are beginning to grow impatient, and the floodgates connecting your stateroom to the magma forge resivoir are almost complete. Failure to comply by spring will result in your obsidian statue being placed in the corner of your successor's office as a motivational tool.

[BlackFlyme]

To the esteemed members of the Dwarvern Merchants Guild,

     I do not understand why you keep coming year after year, only for us not to trade at all. We have never once exchanged goods. Not only that, but most of the merchants seem to spontaneously combust as they cross over the bridge into our fort. Even worse, you seem to keep coming in larger caravans year after year. I do not understand the thought process behind this. The first year there was only a single cart, and the second you came with three. It is now the third year and you have now come with 5 wagons.

     I can guarantee that at least two will explode as they cross the bridge.

Sincerely, Goden Udirkeshan, the overseer of Rightscanyon.

[wierd]

Dear overseer,

We are in the midst of evaluating what the minimum required caravan size is to effectively reach your site, so that we can then appropriately determine how much to charge you for our goods, so as to best make use of a clearly, mutually, unfavorable situation.

Naturally, we can't compute the cost to benefit analysis on only 3 points of data. That is why we have been attempting to determine what the actual risk score is for your site.

If you could assist us in measuring this elusive variable in our financial forecast reports, by making the route to your site less tretcherous, and less costy, it would be mutually advantageous for us both.

We do understand that the most valuable resources are often located in the most difficult to access localities, which is why we feel due dilligence on our assessment is necessary.

For all w know, you could be drowning in shiny adamantine space suits, and a successful trade of even just a handful of them would easily justify the costs incurred. Until we can properly determine that, we aren't quite willing to give up on the venture just yet.

If you are so confident that at least half of our wagons will "explode" en-route, we would ask your cooperation in attempting to mitigate and minimize this risk.

-- departent of dwarven merchant affairs
---logistical finance office
----undersecretary of business analytics, Urist McBookeeper

[BlackFlyme]

I honestly can't make it any easier for them.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's an issue with the way animals are attached to wagons and how they interact with ramps. While on their way out of the fortress the wagon briefly forces the pack animals through the wall and into the magma well, turning them into !!pack animals!! and filling my bridge with smoke and X-giant capybara hair bracelets-X.

I guess I'll have to temporarily remove the bridge and bucket brigade some more wall so that the animals only suffocate instead of exploding.

Edit: It worked! No more donkey grease lining my bridge! No more useless crap left by the puddles formerly known as merchants!

[Akura]

Dear Soap Maker/Metalcrafter:
  The fact that you immigrated as a Soap Maker was the only reason you have Metalcrafting duties. As such, while it's unlikely you'll have more work than simple hauling, the moment I give you a job is not the moment to go on break.

Sincerely, Overseer.

PS: By the way, did anyone see what happened to Bembūl? She's listed as missing, and I see her corpse in the river.


Dear Overseer:
RE: Bembūl.
Och, we saw her fall into the water when the ice thawed. She looked like she was fine, so we went on our merry way. Why do you ask?

Sincerely, Fisherdwarves.


Note: I was able to save Bembūl, but it took multiple savescums and learning how to use DFHack's liquids command.

[YeOldeDorf]

Dear Urist McPlanter,

We DO have Plump Helmet Spawns.

[Lielac]

Dear Urist McPlanter,

We DO have Plump Helmet Spawns.

Dear Overseer,

D'ye have barrels allowed in yeh seed stockpile? Or, Armok forbid, seeds in yeh all-foods stockpile? Enterprisin' dwarves are likely t'grab the whole barrel to clean up one seed, and barrels kin hold a lot o' seeds.

[LoneChipmunk]

Dear Urist McMiner,
     While I understand the tremendous responsibility you hold in carving out our entire mountain home by yourself, I would appreciate it if you would limit your breaks to one month long at a time. Two is a bit excessive, and three is just asking for military duty.
Your loving overseer,
     LoneChipmunk