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[Larix]

What, you get killed for writing a letter to Santa now? I just said "I wish I had an aluminium weapon rack in my dining room." I wasn't going to threaten anyone with death or imprisonment over the matter, I just would have liked to have one. If the weapon rack hadn't - magically or otherwise - appeared within a year or two, I would have given up on my aspiration. Seriously, I was just doing my job and (ab)using my privileges. Ah well, at least it's nice and warm here.

With burning sincerity,
Urist McMayor

[YeOldeDorf]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

I know the mussels you keep catching in the brook are of the utmost importance to this outpost's survival, but next time invaders attack to slaughter our animals and rape our women (or men if the invaders are elves) please come inside and do not go outside if I give the alarm to go back inside. I already passed a not to Urist McUselessPeasant who, if you remember, went outside during the last siege, walked around a bit and headed back inside again. Please refrain from doing any of this.

Yours truly,
Urist McMayor

[Cuddles]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

I know the mussels you keep catching in the brook are of the utmost importance to this outpost's survival, but next time invaders attack to slaughter our animals and rape our women (or men if the invaders are elves) please come inside and do not go outside if I give the alarm to go back inside. I already passed a not to Urist McUselessPeasant who, if you remember, went outside during the last siege, walked around a bit and headed back inside again. Please refrain from doing any of this.

Yours truly,
Urist McMayor

we have burrows for that. just designate the entirety of your fortress that's safe as a burrow and put it on an alarm system along with setting your militia on alert.

[Icefire2314]

Dear Urist McSuicidal,

When I'm executing a horse for kitten-killing via atom-smashing, kindly not stand under the bridge with the horse.

Sincerely,
Overseer.

[BlackFlyme]

To Mosus Kuletkubuk, Hammerdwarf,

How, and I mean HOW did you end up dropping your infant, Ezum, into the river? There aren't even any wildlife around and even if there were you are armed, so don't try to say you were spooked by some deer!

I don't even know how I'm going to deal with this! Either dive in and drag your child out or I'll be forced to take the mining crew off of their duties to dig an emergency ditch! And I don't think they will be too amused with having to dig a trench in the rain...

~Your overseer, the ghost of Goden Udirkeshan.

[wierd]

Dear overseer,

Do you honestly expect me to hang onto this sewerbrew factory for an entire year, before abandoning it to run rampant in the fortress?

Honestly, I threw that turd sausage machine in with the carp ON PURPOSE, OK?
It isn't like we have some kind of filtration system in the fortress to suck up all those aweful spores my husband keeps shedding everywhere now do we? What would YOU do if after getting married, you suddenly got preggers and popped every year, like it or not? Eh? EH?

I'm a military woman, and can't stand being tied down like that, and so far no-one has seriously considered the prospects of adoption in this game, and I find the whole "the woman's place is in the home" type theme here to be more than just a bit sexist, M'kay?  I married that drunken lout to have somebody clean the room while I'm out on patrol, not to make little baby meatshields.

I threw the baby into the water. Deal with it. I will pretend to be heartbroken when it dies, but trust me, it's just a show for everyone else. Forget about that diaper pail.

Mosus Kuletkubuk, Hammerdwarf

 

[wierd]

(Mumbles about doublepostings...)

[WanderingKid]

By the blood of Armok...

Look, children.  I'm all for 'let's hang out with mommy and daddy all day'.  Even if you clog up the halls with your duckling trains.  Fine.

GET THE HELL OFF THE WALL CONSTRUCTION SPOTS!  You are --><-- far from being daycared the entire damned lot of you.  If I build said daycare, the only way you get to leave is when you're old enough to take the job to PULL THE LEVER ON THE AIRLOCK.

Said daycare MAY be in the middle of the OMG.  Undead pathing has slowed down and apparently I need live bait.  Get it together children, or I'm going to 'help'.

-Overfiend

[BlackFlyme]

(Mumbles about doublepostings...)

Actually, she took my advice and dove right in. Turns out I didn't need to call in the mining squad; they just punctured the river for the well, dropping the average depth to 4 for a good stretch, giving her enough space for a speedy rescue.

[xana55]

Dear overseer,

Do you honestly expect me to hang onto this sewerbrew factory for an entire year, before abandoning it to run rampant in the fortress?

Honestly, I threw that turd sausage machine in with the carp ON PURPOSE, OK?
It isn't like we have some kind of filtration system in the fortress to suck up all those aweful spores my husband keeps shedding everywhere now do we? What would YOU do if after getting married, you suddenly got preggers and popped every year, like it or not? Eh? EH?

I'm a military woman, and can't stand being tied down like that, and so far no-one has seriously considered the prospects of adoption in this game, and I find the whole "the woman's place is in the home" type theme here to be more than just a bit sexist, M'kay?  I married that drunken lout to have somebody clean the room while I'm out on patrol, not to make little baby meatshields.

I threw the baby into the water. Deal with it. I will pretend to be heartbroken when it dies, but trust me, it's just a show for everyone else. Forget about that diaper pail.

Mosus Kuletkubuk, Hammerdwarf

That is by far the dwarfiest thing I've ever heard. Emergency Party by the bronze statues!

[Baffler]

Dear Ricula Postaradix
Azure 1-Actual,

When you arrived at the vault last spring, I had high hopes for you. You arrived with your own -iron rifle-, and you even had some ammunition. So when I gave you your own squad I was quite pleased to see how quickly your subordinates learned how to shoot, and train with their bayonets too. Unfortunately, all of that training went out the window when you were actually sent into combat. Instead of firing your volleys and stabbing the super mutants like you were supposed too, you raced out the vault door and immediately tried to fight them with your bare hands! You really shouldn't be surprised by how well that worked out for you. The only reason any of you are alive at all is because Charcoal 2 was ready in reserve. They managed to figure out how to fight effectively with the same gear, so why couldn't you! You and your surviving squadmates will be reassigned to Vault Security, where your tendency to fight with your hands instead of your rifle will actually be a good thing.

Yours,
The Overseer

[oldark]

Dear Urist,

If the evil mist causes you to go berserk and start killing your fellow dwarves, please have the decency to leave the population first. Loyalty cascades aren't are !FUN!.

-Overseer

[smjjames]

Note to new fortress migrants,

Please stop appearing as children (according to dwarven standards) with ages that are considered teens or even adult ages. If you are a kid at heart, thats fine, just please stop showing up glitched.

Overseer of Steelvirgin.

[Pinstar]

Dear Urist McButcher/Tanner

Thank you for slaughtering that livestock. You went to get them as soon as I marked them for slaughter.
You even took their hide straight to the tanning workshop to cure it.

So why does your ADD kick in after you finish tanning? Why can't you just stay there and empty out the butcher's shop of all that fresh meat into the food stockpile I have RIGHT next to it before it all spoils? You are the reason I don't feel safe building any butchers shops underground. Do I have to make a burrow and assign you to it EVERY time I butcher ANYTHING so you'll clean out the meat quickly before going on to do other things?

[malimbar04]

See that waterfall? DON'T WALK ON IT! I EVEN put up a BRIDGE not 2 tiles from it, put ramps at the bottom of the waterfall, and put floor tiles over the part that drops off. STOP WALKNIG THERE.

Oh... oops... I should probably actually put up a notice of traffic designations.

Edit: Damn it, winter froze the dwarf in the river. Sorry stupid dwarf. You will only likely be forgotten, but probably not with the year.