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[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Urist McMigrant,

Why do you have a crown made from the nails of a dead dwarf?

-Armok

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McMigrant,

Why do you have a crown made from the nails of a dead dwarf?

-Armok

Vy do you ask? Do you think zis should make you concerned?

Urist von NotVampire

[GenJeFT]

Dear Urist McCarpenter.

While I am very glad that you show an uncommon concern for your fellow Dwarf, will you PLEASE stop chasing Urist McMigrantMason around? He seems to be confused as to what you are doing and you keep interrupting his work which he so willingly took on as soon as he arrived.

I am sure he is perfectly fine.


Dear Urist McMigrantMason

WTF is wrong with you? EVERYTHING is yellow and the carpenter keeps bringing you to the hospital only for you to get right back up again. At which point he chases you around the map until he catches you. While it is amusing to watch I have to ask WTF happend to you? I cant find anything wrong with you anywhere and yet everything but your head is yellow and you dont seem to care.


Your confused overseer.

[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Urist McGhost,

We are under siege at the moment. We don't have any stone in the fort and, even if we did, we'd have no way to place  your slab in the Dead Men's Garden. As such, it would be a better use of your anger to go terrorize some goblins as opposed to murdering your wife.

-Armok

[Pinstar]

Dear Urist McMiner

When I designate a set of rooms to be used for storage or workshops, could you kindly FINISH digging all the tiles in one room before moving to the next? Designating them one at a time is tedious.

[jcochran]

Dear Urist McBroker,

When I eliminated all tasks from your schedule when I appointed you broker, it was with the intent that you would arrive at Caravans in a timely fashion. Taking a break.. Why? You have no jobs to take a break from you idiot. Followed by a drink. Why didn't you drink while you were on your much undeserved break?

Please greet caravans in a timely fashion in the future.

Thank you,
Overseer in search of magma swimming volunteers.

[aiseant]

Dear Urist McDiplomat,

As you might have noticed, we are currently under attack. The two dozens of very unpolite blokes mounted on Jabberers are not our youngsters having riding fun but bloody thirsty goblins actively trying to murder everything that moves.
I have no idea how you managed to protect your little useless ass and survived this assault, but you might be happy to know that no, we are not trying to make you mad and yes we care about Mountainhome, and thus our mayor would very much want to have a meeting with you if he wasn't so occupied being dead.
We are very sorry you left us unhappy, but at the very least you left us alive, which is something 58 very brave dwarves cannot say right now.

Thank you very much for your visit, and meet you next year if the last two survivors you're currently abandoning survive long enough to become children then adults.
GTFO.

Sincerely yours,
Broken Force.




Dear Urist McCurious,

As you might have noticed, we are currently reclaiming my fortress. Yes, this is why there' so many usefull stuff on the floor, and workshops and beautiful levers. Linked to doors, yes.
I do recognize you might be curious about those levers, and their use. However, we are reclaiming one of my fortress. I'm perfectly aware of the use of each and every levers I ordered to build and I ordered to link to some doors, and the one flooding the whole level in particular.
Please refrain your unwanted curiousity and stop pulling the bloody lever when you're reclaiming it !
I'm quite sure you're damn aware of your mistake, as you run sooo far away after pulling it, in order not to pull it again and save the whole fort. This behaviour of your has been noted, and I now have to inform you that your help is required to recover a very rare sock deep in the water chamber you just opened for the last time.

Sincerely yours,
Rebuilding Force

[jcochran]

Dear Urist McImmigrant,

The useless children you insist on bringing here with you will be used to train medical dwarves. You have been warned.
Also, your damned unbutcherable pets will be caged and I will find a way to kill them. The macedwarves hunger.

 - Overseer Lars

Pasture the unbutcherable pets in an area that's subject to "unfortunate accidents". Or perhaps in areas subject to intrusion by ambushers so that the pets can act as early warning systems. But be prepared for the bad thoughts when the pet bites the dust.

[jcochran]

Dear Urist McMoody,

I'm seriously tempted to make a "Moody craftsdwarf" room, little fellows. Complete with special features intended for special mood dwarves intent on grabbing a crafting workshop. Things like lever controlled magma flood (lever outside of the room of course) and rapid drainage system. There's only so much I can do with artifact crafts. Perhaps a special room intended on luring and killing kobolds. But after that, the damn things just litter inventory. I'm putting you on notice. All of you can be replaced easily. and the next useless artifact just may result in a "warm" greeting. Or perhaps be a determining factor in who volunteers to do a meet and greet with the next forgotten beast in order to determine just what it does.

Sincerely,
Annoyed overseer.

P.S. If you really need to make an artifact craft. At least pick low value materials. The pricey stuff is reserved for useful artifacts. Things like armor, weapons, heck even hatch covers.... But rings, crowns, bracelets and such? No thank you.

[mate888]

Dear Elven army:
Get the fuck out of my fort.
Armok, with increasing wishes to kill you...

[thoushaltcallmelars]

Dear Elven army:
Get the fuck out of my fort.
Armok, with increasing wishes to kill you...

You know, all you have to do is invite us over, & we'll gladly chase those elves out. & the goblins, & the elephants, & the migrant children, & the nobles... really, we be happy to get rid of anyone you don't like! All we ask is that you scrape some hardened cotton candy off our ceiling for us - we can't reach it, you see, even with the acrobats. We believe it's located underneath your heated swimming pool.

With Warm Regards, Ringmasters Shift & Seven

[mate888]

Dear Elven army:
Get the fuck out of my fort.
Armok, with increasing wishes to kill you...

You know, all you have to do is invite us over, & we'll gladly chase those elves out. & the goblins, & the elephants, & the migrant children, & the nobles... really, we be happy to get rid of anyone you don't like! All we ask is that you scrape some hardened cotton candy off our ceiling for us - we can't reach it, you see, even with the acrobats. We believe it's located underneath your.

With Warm Regards, Ringmasters Shift & Seven

Hah! I'll not fall in that again...
Wait, Urtist, what are you doing? No! Don't mie that! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[MrCactus]

Dear Urist McMechanic

Despite the lack of an exit from your current location that does NOT mean you have to jump into some water and drown yourself, learn to have some patience.

[Kiloku]

Dear Elven Merchant:

How the fuck did you fall into my river together with your donkey?
I am deeply sorry that you broke your spine when you fell down the waterfall and then died, but seriously, the bridge is wide, how did you fall?

Do you know your superiors now think I stole all the stuff you left in my river after falling? See what you done, you little tree hugger?

Sincerely,
 - Fort Overseer.

[Cheimon]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

There are six very injured dwarves in the hospital right now.  When there are no injured dwarves, you are free of all hauling duties, get a nice room, and get a fancy title, which you use to sit around chatting in the dining room.  However, for this one time in the year when there are injured people, it would be lovely if you didn't take frequent and irritating breaks.

Yours,

An overseer who prefers live dwarves to dead ones, unlike you!