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[WillowLuman]

I imagine it more like this:

"Bring out yer dead!"
*The elves all put on "U" bibs and hold forks & knives.*

[wierd]

Elves don't use metal tools, so no flatware for them.

More like bamboo kebab skewers and chopsticks. Possibly a roasting spit.

[WillowLuman]

They can grow their tableware right from the trees, though.

[wierd]

Ever tried cutting gamey, weathered elf meat with a wooden kife?

I assure you, wooden tablewear wouldn't work for much more than plates. Just look at how ineffectual their (ahem) "swords" are.

[WillowLuman]

As seen from their swords, wouldn't stop them from trying

[InfinityOrNone]

OK, I'm fine with ragging on elves (along with burning them, murdering them, torturing them, imprisoning them within a mountain for all eternity, devouring their children, forcing them to listen to audio-recordings of Atlas Shrugged...), but the whole, "Wooden swords are worthless," thing kinda pisses me off. Case in point:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miyamoto_Musashi

[WillowLuman]

Yes, but just because one exceptional badass makes good use of them doesn't mean they're awesome.

[acetech09]

OK, I'm fine with ragging on elves (along with burning them, murdering them, torturing them, imprisoning them within a mountain for all eternity, devouring their children, forcing them to listen to audio-recordings of Atlas Shrugged...), but the whole, "Wooden swords are worthless," thing kinda pisses me off. Case in point:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miyamoto_Musashi

Remember, these are elven wood swords we're talking about. On a much, much lower level than anything during japanese feudal times.

[flame99]

OK, I'm fine with ragging on elves (along with burning them, murdering them, torturing them, imprisoning them within a mountain for all eternity, devouring their children, forcing them to listen to audio-recordings of Atlas Shrugged...), but the whole, "Wooden swords are worthless," thing kinda pisses me off. Case in point:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miyamoto_Musashi

Well, it's a simple fact that all elves issue forth a "Pansy Cloud" that makes all weapons wielded by them utterly ineffective.

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Overseer,

You have my deepest, and heartfelt apologies! Having seen first hand the fashion in which you administrate our humble fortress, I really did think you would appreciate and love this unique piece of dwarven craftsmanship. It was the next best thing I could provide, aside from a robe from an actual necromancer.  I know that such an item would probably have pleased you more, but it is against our code of ethics to take trophies from kills, as I am sure you understand.

Instead, I did my very best to give you a uniquely stylish and artifact quality article of clothing that can be worn over a set of armor, so that you could assign it to the captain of the guard to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies, as well as afford him a lovely x3 defensive bonus for the clothing layer.

I really did think you would be elated with this item, that I fully burned out the inner spark of my dwarven soul to create for you.  You have no idea how heartbroken I am that you aren't happy with it. I'd offer to do better next time, but we both know that once the spark is gone, it never comes back.

Please accept my most humble, and sincere apologies.

Urist McClothier

Well...okay then.  I'll accept that. I would say back to work churning out Masterwork Socks, but it was a possession.  Carry on!

The Overseer

[JustAVoice]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

When planting seeds, is it really necessary to take the WHOLE BARREL with you?

Sincerely, your starving fortress.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

When planting seeds, is it really necessary to take the WHOLE BARREL with you?

Sincerely, your starving fortress.

Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds
Urist McFarmer cancels plant: No fisher berry seeds

All because one guy takes the whole barrel.

[gabrek]

Dear Ducim Rakustod, Forgemaster,

Oftentimes we have members of our society enter strange, trance-like moods, in which their sole purpose becomes to craft some ridiculous trinket, such as the single lead low boot or a microcline bed menacing with spikes of forgotten beast bone and dog soap. This has become an embarrassment to our race that our fey inspirations allow us the ability to make the finest, magical artifacts, and that these rare gifts are wasted on what is essentially garbage (cite: every scepter ever made).
When you withdrew from society, I was thrilled to see you run directly to your place of work and start gathering iron. ... just iron. And immediately started production- no frills, no stones or turkey leather for you.
You produced an iron anvil. Gusgashizbiz Onolthad- "Stokeddeer the Mountainous Crowd." Menacing with spikes of iron. And with an image of .. smooth pebbles in iron..
I appreciate you avoiding the useless and the ridiculous, but we will allow slightly more creativity than that in the future. I'm pretty sure the giant parakeet in the nesting room has made more interesting artifacts than this.
Yers,
Nil Vetekdakost, McNoble

[mek42]

Dear Urist Mason,

When I want to open the caverns, I ask my miners to dig.  I give them the best possible copper picks from Embark with which to do this.  On the other hand, when I desire a marvelous feat of engineering, spanning a floor in between two bridges supported only by on or two natural wall tiles, I come to you, my wondrous masons.  Have I given you a copper pick?  No, as you are not a miner.  It is not your job to open the caverns, much less then by laying the first block of floor from the bridge, not the wall, and trying to hold it in place as it, and thence yourself, plummets clear down into the magma sea.

[mate888]

PS: Why are you black but redheaded? You dye your hair or you just fucked with an autmun tree?

To Armok,
God of profane and relentless bloodshed

We, the elves of (unintelligable swirly gibberish), take GREAT offence at your rather LEWD accusation of sexual inpropriety on our part!

We will have you know, in the most stern words we feel proper to use (being opposed to violence in any form!), that any such profane rumors about how we go about naming our favored trees in our sacred groves in no way, shape, or form involves any of the lurid and blasphemous acts that and your diminutive, tree murdering savages so relentlessly accuse us of!

If you MUST know why some of us have rust colored hair, despite being darkened by the gentle caress of the brilliant sun, it is because our sacred pact with nature forbids us to harm our animal brothers and sisters, and as a consequence, many of us have developed kwashiorkor, and make use of clever, tight fitting bodices to conceal the bloated deformities it causes in our midrifts. Try as we might, but we just can't get enough protien from muckroots, prickle berries, and ropereeds.

Now that we have sated your PURILE curiosity on this matter, we expect that you will cease spreading such slanderous drivel about our peace loving people!

-- the Elven nation of (incomprehensible swirlies)

Allrigth, sorry, sorry.
*cough*treehumpingbastards*cough*