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[Snateraar]

Dear Urist:

Don't throw a party when work has to be done. Everyone is hungry and stuck behind walls and you're throwing parties at microcline tables.

[Maul_Junior]

Dear Urist McDumbass--we're currently sealed up in our fortress under siege, with VERY limited stocks of alcohol (we mostly traded them for cool stuff), so please, for the love of ARNOR, will you PLEASE stop eating the plump helmets, so we can make alcohol out of them? If you start dying from thirst because we don't have awater source and you start complaining about the lack of alcohol, I'll assign someone to be the hammerer and sick them on you.

[Defacto]

Dear UristMcMason:

We here at the department of administration understand the importance of proper work enviroments. However, in some cases, the fault really is self-violated. We understand that you want to be properly treated with respect for your profession (building that wall which was supposed to stop the Goblin Siege from walking straight into the fortress), but you must understand, that while cancelling your job because a creature is in the way of the construction space certainly is a valid cause, this really loses its importance when it is you who causes this cancellation. We at the department of administration heavily dislike this unauthorized labor skip, and this offense would have been punished if it wasn't for the fact that a goblin siege came, walked through the hole in the wall, proceeded to walk on top of the finished part of the wall, enter the fortress, killing the fortress militia, and then proceeding to murder everybody.

In the future, please do not step on your work items for the sake of efficency.

[the1337doofus]

Dear Cheesy McBigRat and Family;

We didn't come into your cavern, so why are you cominAAAAMYLEGAAAAAAAaaaa......

-Doofus McOverseer Cancels Write Stern Letter; Dead.

[Roostre]

Dear Citizens of Cryptsandals,

I doubt that I could have made it more obvious for you. The name "Moldath" was not showing up among the list of residents in Dwarf Therapist and someone was not taking advantage of the ample supply of available beer and liquor, so in my wisdom I saw fit to nickname this gentleman "GODDAMN VAMPIRE" for proper emphasis. I then had you folks seal him away in a tiny glass-walled room the very instant an opportunity arose. GODDAMN VAMPIRE has been on display, clearly labeled, for all in the fortress to see, and his smug defiance of the Grim Reaper for the last three years is proof that he carries the foul taint of the night.

Why did you elect him mayor?

With concern,
- Your Manager

[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Citizens of Cryptsandals,

I doubt that I could have made it more obvious for you. The name "Moldath" was not showing up among the list of residents in Dwarf Therapist and someone was not taking advantage of the ample supply of available beer and liquor, so in my wisdom I saw fit to nickname this gentleman "GODDAMN VAMPIRE" for proper emphasis. I then had you folks seal him away in a tiny glass-walled room the very instant an opportunity arose. GODDAMN VAMPIRE has been on display, clearly labeled, for all in the fortress to see, and his smug defiance of the Grim Reaper for the last three years is proof that he carries the foul taint of the night.

Why did you elect him mayor?

With concern,
- Your Manager

Dear Overseer,

This shining example of dwarven society is perfect to lead us! He's never tried to drink our booze! That's the true mark of a Dwarven Saint; he thirsts for blood so that we may have his rum!

Yours truly, Urist McAlwaysDrunk

[WanderingKid]

Dear 'Head Doctor',

While I appreciate that your nursing staff needs more work... there is nothing, I repeat nothing, currently unforbidden in the dump pit under the atom smasher.  Also, our haulers are currently dumping non-masterwork rock furniture.

What in the blazes possessed you to think that was a 'cool place' to hang out?  With the hospital full we really kind of needed you...

-Overfiend

[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Armok,

Why did you design the Jeweler's Workshop to be inaccessible from an eastern opening?

Signed, Urist McOverseer

[Larix]

Dear haulers,

Yes, i know the hauling never stops. But i had somehow thought that you actually wanted to get some fresh clothes when you stripped and walked over to the clothes stockpile. Of course, before you even arrived there, someone had to drag away the one clothing item you wanted to start your re-equipping with (because, you know, The Hauling Never Stops). I find it utterly baffling that you didn't pick a replacement or just continued with whichever parts of your desired equipment _were_ available but instead just consulted the job list for a totally new occupation - which was of course, one of your beloved hauling jobs (because THNS). And whenever you finished with those jobs, you instantly queued up more hauling (THNS), resulting in the entire hauling force of maybe a dozen dwarfs running around starkers for months, until i freed you all from hauling and patiently waited for almost a month until you finally figured out that maybe, just maybe, you could wear more clothes than a pair of gloves and a single sock.
I'm just glad we don't have any evil extracts, freakish rain or excessively high/low temperatures around here.

(Seriously, all my haulers got interrupted by hauling in their equipment pickup job and _never got new clothes in months_ because they were too busy hauling. This really could use some fixing, like only dropping the old clothes _after_ getting the fresh stuff or making pick up equipment an actual self-maintenance job like eat/drink/sleep which overrides other jobs.)

[0cu]

Dear marksdwarves,

please don't pickup any equipment in the outside when called to arms. Thank you.

[fricy]

(Seriously, all my haulers got interrupted by hauling in their equipment pickup job and _never got new clothes in months_ because they were too busy hauling. This really could use some fixing, like only dropping the old clothes _after_ getting the fresh stuff or making pick up equipment an actual self-maintenance job like eat/drink/sleep which overrides other jobs.)

The whole clothing code needs some fixing by Toady, in my last fort I tried setting up a powerful cloth industry with the help of the workflow plugin, the idea was to keep a constant supply of new cloths. Result? Every single alcoholic idiot throw away their xshirtsx etc all over the fort and ran to the stockpile to claim a new fresh one. As soon as a new cloth was made it was claimed on the spot, even if the last item they put on was only like a month old.
Grrr, the little idiots need to be told to wear a trouser until it's at least an XtrouserX, and not when it's wear level is only xtrouserx, because it's frustrating as hell. Not to mention that they won't throw them away into the refuse stockpile, but stash it in their room. I don't want to run cleanowned every season...

[Sumyunguy]

Dear Urist McPartyDwarf,

Please detest from partying at -=Rocksalt Table=- when there is more important things to be done, such as closing off the bridge newly breached circus to prevent unwanted clown visits.
The lever is right there after all.

I hate you,
Sumyunguy

[Rainbow_Lizard]

Dear Urist McHappybaroness
I realise that you like your overseer and want him/her/it to be as happy as possible. However, I do believe that you are being suspiciously easy on me. I dug out a room for you and put a perfectly normal golden chair in it, but you see that as an opulent throne room? Something makes me suspicious about this. The room has not even been smoothed and features some dirt walls and floors, and there is no other pieces of furniture. Please let me put my interior decorating skills to work, or I shall never forgive myself. If I worked in that room, I would complain that it was empty, boring and dirty. Why are you any different?
-Your loving overseer
P.S. If that is so good, than why isn't your golden-table dining room so bad?

[Maul_Junior]

Dear Urist McStuckypants.

MOVE, dammit. you're supposed to be installing a colony in a hive. you're hungry. I've removed all your labors. YOU ARE GOING TO STARVE, YOU COLLOSSAL DUMBASS. You have some skill in woodcrafting. I don't want to lose your stupid ass. you constitute 10% of the fort's current strength. you are our animal trainer.

MOVE YOUR DAMN ASS. there's no reason for you to be standing around while you're perfectly health and in the middle of a labor, god dammit >.<

do I have to figure out dfhack to get you to move?

sincerely, your pissed off Overseer.
 

[Dirac]

To Whom It May Concern,

When I set a stockpile to only accept metal thread and cloth - by which I mean only adamantine thread and cloth, since that is the only metal that is inexplicably and exclusively available in a thread form (which, for the record, is one of the dumbest game design decisions in the history of mankind) - I mean "don't put anything but metal items in that stockpile".  Conversely, when I set a stockpile to only accept anything but metal thread and cloth, I mean "don't put my fucking adamantine in that stockpile".

While the concept of "don't put shit where it doesn't belong" may be foreign to you dwarves, it is nonetheless annoying when my hospital staff bogarts the best and rarest weapons-grade material in the game to sew up wounds.  Furthermore, if this game had any semblance of realism, doing so would result in blood toxicity and likely kill any dwarf stitched up in such a fashion.

Therefore, I implore you, merry band of shit-for-brains midgets, to stop acting like idiots. 

Yours truly,
A very irate overseer

P.S.  The countess has killed one person and crippled two in a tantrum.  Please tell the hammerer to get off his ass and execute the dumb bitch before she throws another one.