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[the1337doofus]

Dear Poni McCarpenterponi;
 Quit pissing yourself at the sight of a random wild animal that's across the river. Just build the bucking house and stop leaving puddles of terror-pee everywhere.

 - Overseer Doof

[Larix]

Dear Urist McCraftsdwarf

Look I get it, strange mood and all that new age elf music but leave the armok damned adamantine alone or I will end you.

What, why all that rage of a sudden? You put the adamantine boulders right next to the mason's shop, you didn't forbid them when i picked them up, you didn't forbid them when i was working on them. You gave your implicit approval all the time while it was taking shape, and now once it's finished you go off all threatening and murderous?

(really, if a dwarf picks a mood component you don't want, forbid it and they'll grab something new; forbid it after they started working and the forbidden material won't be used in the finished item. As long as the dwarf wasn't trying to make something of a single material object, everything should be fine. I often use strategic material placement and selective forbidding/allowing to make sure dwarfs don't make artefacts from pig bones and diorite but use the elephant bones and raw adamantine instead. Anyway, artefact statues are ultra-valuable and great mood boosters. I hope it _was_ a statue and not a 100% useless figurine...)

[MrSparky]

Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?

No, but I've got a burrow with your name on it.

Hah, Mr. Overseer!  I've got you beat!  You know you can't burrow a miner, he won't dig where he's not burrowed!  Power to da Peoples!  errr... *burp*... Dwarves!

Wrong Mr Miner. You can create a burrow containing the dig designations. You don't have to reveal a tile to have it contained in a burrow.

[WanderingKid]

Hey, while you're at it, can I get a bed, too?

No, but I've got a burrow with your name on it.

Hah, Mr. Overseer!  I've got you beat!  You know you can't burrow a miner, he won't dig where he's not burrowed!  Power to da Peoples!  errr... *burp*... Dwarves!

Wrong Mr Miner. You can create a burrow containing the dig designations. You don't have to reveal a tile to have it contained in a burrow.

Nevah Surrender!  I wants my bed and bread down here!  Fine then you showoffian goblin loving Overseer!  You just made sure that your goblinite won't work down here since your furnace I just dug out isn't in the same burrow as the goblinite!  hah! Spit in your eye, I wi...

Wait, what in Armok's name do you mean you want me to start carving the fortification into the magma pipe?  Where's the stairs?  I didn't dig no stairs...

!! Oh god where's the stairs?! !!

[flame99]

I make a post about my miner and endless staircase annoying me, and you guys manage to an argument between an overseer and a disgruntled soon-to-be-dead miner. Only on Bay12.

[Rainbow_Lizard]

Dear Urist McStoneHaulers
I know you need to take a staircase quite close to the caverns to retrive the gold nuggets I asked you to get, but it is completely protected against any monsters from it. The cave crocodile may be menacingly knocking on the wall, but as far as I am aware, Cave Crocodiles do not have access to copper pickaxes. It may seem scary, but it cannot reach you, and I'm pretty sure that it cannot get past closed drawbridges, either.
-Your loving Overseer

Dear Urist McAxedwarf
I appreciate the effort it must have taken to kill that Minotaur, especially in cutting its arm off, but could you make sure that your fellow soldiers' heads are not in the trajectory of the arm? Also, I made the poor Hammerdwarf's coffin out of glass, just to serve as a reminder to dwarves like you.
-Your loving Overseer

[the1337doofus]

Dear Uristette McCook; We have plenty of quarry bush leaves and dwarven syrup. The management would like to remind you that plump helmets are just fine raw, and do not need to be cooked. The next plump helmet ANYTHING you cook will result in severe penalties.

Dear Urist McBeekeeper;

Why, exactly, have you come to the middle of a bee-less desert in search of work? There is no bee industry in DaggerAnus and there never will be. You are now assigned to wall building and stone hauling, as are your bee-related friends.

[WanderingKid]

Dear Uristette McCook; We have plenty of quarry bush leaves and dwarven syrup. The management would like to remind you that plump helmets are just fine raw, and do not need to be cooked. The next plump helmet ANYTHING you cook will result in severe penalties.

z -> Kitchen -> Arrow down to plump helmets, and hit 'c', that'll turn off cooking but leave them available for brewing.

[the1337doofus]

Wow, thanks man. Unfortunately, Uristette has already met her unfortunate end.

[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Urist McChild,

I understand you're going berserk and want to get some murder in while it's still cool, but was it really such a good idea to take a swing at the legendary miner?

Signed, Armok

[Larix]

Dear Armok,

Yes. Yes, it _was_ a good idea. Which side are You on, anyway?

Sincerely (if in more than a little doubt), your fortress dwellers who appreciate not having their faces punched by a crazy child.

[WanderingKid]

Dear Erith Avuznunok, Hauler, and fey mooder.

We live in, well, under, a desert.  Fish, particularly fish with shells, are nonexistant, and we're mostly hunting the parakeets out of existence.  I realize that Armok has blessed you with an idea, but it's going to fail.  I haven't been buying fish off the caravans, particularly turtles, because we have food overflowing from the storage so badly that I'm smashing food when it rots.  We haven't really needed it.

We also have a minotaur that's about to slaughter the next caravan locked up outside the gates.  You're basically SOL, my friend.

So, I applaud your intent in becoming a legendary bone carver.  I even applaud that you took over the bone carving workshop that was explicitly setup for our existing legendary bone carver.  I don't applaud your choice of materials in requiring 3 shells.

Did you notice the door on your way in?  Yes, that nice stone door.  It's going to be locked shortly, and you in your mood will probably never notice.  If I happen to get the caravan in here and we're able to pick up some turtles, you may end up with a pleasant surprise.  If not... well... I'm sure we'll find your whithered and starved corpse eventually.  We have a nice selection of coffins off in the rock quarry, you're welcome to your pick of them.

-Overfiend.

[hiroshi42]

Dear Erith Avuznunok, Hauler, and fey mooder.

We live in, well, under, a desert.  Fish, particularly fish with shells, are nonexistant, and we're mostly hunting the parakeets out of existence.  I realize that Armok has blessed you with an idea, but it's going to fail.  I haven't been buying fish off the caravans, particularly turtles, because we have food overflowing from the storage so badly that I'm smashing food when it rots.  We haven't really needed it.

We also have a minotaur that's about to slaughter the next caravan locked up outside the gates.  You're basically SOL, my friend.

So, I applaud your intent in becoming a legendary bone carver.  I even applaud that you took over the bone carving workshop that was explicitly setup for our existing legendary bone carver.  I don't applaud your choice of materials in requiring 3 shells.

Did you notice the door on your way in?  Yes, that nice stone door.  It's going to be locked shortly, and you in your mood will probably never notice.  If I happen to get the caravan in here and we're able to pick up some turtles, you may end up with a pleasant surprise.  If not... well... I'm sure we'll find your whithered and starved corpse eventually.  We have a nice selection of coffins off in the rock quarry, you're welcome to your pick of them.

-Overfiend.

Dear Overfeind
We could not help but noticing the spark of false hope you have deemed to give our good friend Erith Avuznunok.  We would like to bring to your attention the fact that fish bought from caravans come pre-shelled for your convenience.  The only way we could possibly acquire shells in this Armok forsaken elf-hole is if we are lucky with the cavern fish or if we create a new fishing hole and allow biogenesis to create some turtles for us.

Sincerely The United Fish Processors Amalgamated Guild Association. (AKA the suicide squad)

[WanderingKid]

Dear Overfeind
We could not help but noticing the spark of false hope you have deemed to give our good friend Erith Avuznunok.  We would like to bring to your attention the fact that fish bought from caravans come pre-shelled for your convenience.  The only way we could possibly acquire shells in this Armok forsaken elf-hole is if we are lucky with the cavern fish or if we create a new fishing hole and allow biogenesis to create some turtles for us.

Sincerely The United Fish Processors Amalgamated Guild Association. (AKA the suicide squad)

Why thank you, my dear squad.  As hoped, the Overfiend has prayed to Armok, and Armok has answered, since he sent the mood in the first place I guess he had some vested interest.  He has altered reality so that Erith may have a chance to succeed.  Hooves, Chitin, Horns, and Cartelidge now have enough similarity to true shells that Erith will not see them differently than true shells.  What he'll come up with, we wait to see.

[WanderingKid]

Urist,

I'm impressed, my good hauler.  You managed to die of thirst in a room filled with booze, standing on a square with a minecart filled with whip wine, surrounded by people who would have dragged you to the hospital if you were injured.

This is your own damned fault.

-Overfiend.