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[sweitx]

Dear Urist McHunter;

I know you're trying to kill the badger, but instead of aiming for its kegs and wasting your ammo, how about shooting it in the head?

-The Overseer

Dear Urist Mchauler; I expect you to take the wasted bone bolts, along with the flung off limbs, to their respective piles. You have orders to do so, so do it.

-Your frustrated overseer.

Dear frustrated overseer,
Perhaps you have forbidden the gathering of refuses outside?
- Perplexed hauler

[Slayerhero90]

Dear Urist McHunter;

I know you're trying to kill the badger, but instead of aiming for its kegs and wasting your ammo, how about shooting it in the head?

-The Overseer

DEAR OVERSEER;

BUT IT'S GOT OUR ALCOHOL! I'M TRY'N'A SHOOT THE KEGS OFF ITS BACK!

-URIST MCHUNTER

[Tacomagic]

Dear Urist McChild,

Yes that is indeed the corpse of a goblin snatcher; I'm so glad you decided to go, by yourself, to look at it as it sits far, far outside the safety of the fortress near the edge of the map. You'll certainly need to know what a goblin looks like in the very near future, so it's useful that you would take the opportunity to look at one.

Also, snatchers usually come in groups... and that was the first one.

Enjoy living in the goblin society, I hear they have cookies made from cave dragon feces.

Sincerely,
Bemused Emperor Taco

[pisskop]

Dear Mr. 'Stryker' and Mrs. 'Diggy'.  You have brought me so much happiness through your mining.  We learned a lot together; about life, ore, and mining aquifer.  And you got married!  Yay for the skilled military instructor miners who had babies and were 2 of my starter 7!

So why am I just now finding out you can mine carve ramps from above?  and why would you strand yourself over magma?

[Tacomagic]

To Urist McMason:

I appreciate the love you have of carving statues of Jumping Spiders.  Keep them coming, they are adding just tons of value to the Baron's apartment and we can fit at least a dozen more in there.

To the rest of the fort: 

Please stop complaining about the huge number of jumping spider statues.  They add much needed class to our craphole.

Thank you.

[Urist McVoyager]

Dear Miner,

I know you are probably only three years old mentally, but even a three year old can probably figure out to leave a path home when mining out an area. Do try to remember this while you're channelling out the floor of the skylight.

Sincerely,
Your very unamused overseer

Dear Urist McComplainsaboutchildren,

[NATURAL_SKILL] is your best friend. Kids of races with this tag are born with skills assigned by that, and they automatically work at any jobs using them. Say hello to child labor.

Sincerely,
Urist McTaskMaster

[the1337doofus]

Dear Urist McHunter;

I know you're trying to kill the badger, but instead of aiming for its kegs and wasting your ammo, how about shooting it in the head?

-The Overseer

Dear Urist Mchauler; I expect you to take the wasted bone bolts, along with the flung off limbs, to their respective piles. You have orders to do so, so do it.

-Your frustrated overseer.

Dear frustrated overseer,
Perhaps you have forbidden the gathering of refuses outside?
- Perplexed hauler

That's actually the first thing I changed when I set up my fort. But still, he just sits there, idling. However, if I mark them for dumping, everyone gets off their asses and does it. Strange.

[the1337doofus]

Dear Expedition leader;

 Do not pay attention to the carp symbols on the ground. Do not. That is very bad, and you will be flung into the river with the giant sponge if you do not cease paying attention to the carp symbols- oh, you've already turned into an acolyte. Okay then.

- Your very scared overseer.

Dear carp god;

 LEAVE US ALONE!

- A mortal

[Gamerlord]

Dear Expedition leader;

 Do not pay attention to the carp symbols on the ground. Do not. That is very bad, and you will be flung into the river with the giant sponge if you do not cease paying attention to the carp symbols- oh, you've already turned into an acolyte. Okay then.

- Your very scared overseer.

Dear carp god;

 LEAVE US ALONE!

- A mortal

Later:

Dear Acolyte, eat steel. Sincerely, militia captain.

[the1337doofus]

To Urist D. Mcminer;

 Although it is your duty to mine it, please stop inhaling coal dust; Put something over your mouth, otherwise you'll get black lung and die, pissing everyone (including me) off.

 - Overseer

 Dear Cult Of The Carp God;

 Stop making little carp emblems on the dirt, the dwarves are obsessing over it.

 - Overseer

There hasn't been a post in two days, wow.

[Gigmaster]

Dear McUrist,

I appreciate your rigor in gathering up the dropped implements of our immigrants as they arrive at Metalwhispered. I do not appreciate the fact that you took the bin of priceless masterwork steel battleaxes out to do so, nor do I appreciate that you dropped said bin upon spotting a tribe of white lemurs, who promptly chased you off and scuttled away with over 10,000 dwarfbuxs worth of dwarven cutlery. To make matters worse, our most talented weaponsmith is now tantruming in the forge area, due to the blind anger of having part of his life's work lost by a dwarf who doesn't have the balls to stand up to a monkey no larger than his arm. I hope the -iron pick- that you returned to get was worth it. I really do.

Sincerely,
McDirectorOfSuicideVoulenteers

[Whackjob]

Dear Urist (MASON);

It is not without a moderate amount of perplexment that I pen this note.  Stupid elfs and their stupid papers.  Stone tablets are proper for a dwarf.  I'd chisel this note in a tablet, but as you are responsible for the tablets, and are being negligent, this paper will have to suffice.

When the first of us twenty left to found BottomChasm, we all expected discomfort and strife.  Such is the nature of a colony.  Our venture faired worse than most;  a meagre seven of us survived to even arrive in these blasted lands.  Three of us died that first year.  The first died due to what the doctor tells me as "Scurvy".  I have no idea what this is, as she didn't lack for any sort of curves.  She also had a very soft beard.  I still miss her.  The other two were our first militia squad, who fell victim to an inexplicable wrestling accident that saw both their brains dashed across a wall simultaneously.  I have no doubt this mystery will endure.

When you, Urist, arrived with our first wave of immigrants, I realize you saw our meagre holdings with severe disdain.  How could you not?  Our beer was thin and our meals were merely scorched vermin.  But such is the life of a colonist.  I also realize your attitude did not improve when we disregarded your "talent" as a soap maker, and instead designated you as our colony mason.  The needs of the colony dictate the work that must be done.  I know you disagree.  And I know you know that I do not care.

But you must put an end to this inexplicable feud with the mayor.  As it goes now, there is no way that this can end well for you, if you continue on on this course.  In particular I take issue with the statue you chose to carve and place in front of the Mayor's quarters.  A large statue depicting the Mayor's daughter with those goats was done in particularly poor taste.  That you felt the need to further decorate this offensive work with large garnet beads frustrates me, almost as much as where you deigned to put them.

We have been patient with you.  As we are now recently a mature fortress, we have permitted you to pursue your annoying soap fetish.  A giant pile of your soap is available near our luxurious indoor bath.  To my amazement, it has even been used once or twice.  There is no reason for you to continue your grievances with the mayor.  As you know, last month our colony was blessed with the creation of SmashedHamster, the artifact lead sledgehammer.  I point out that this was given to the colony hammerer, who is the mayor's son.  Our new mason has already made you a stone slab, and it has already been engraved with your name.  How soon it is placed entirely depends upon you.

And try to ease up on the soap making a little.  We've already dumped several dozen cartloads into the magma pit.  We have no room for it and the merchants won't even take it as a gift.

Signed,
Labor Manager

[Whackjob]

Dear Urist (DOCTOR);

I wish to write to congratulate you on the fine work you have done for this colony thus far. 

I fondly recall the day you arrived as an immigrant.  For the first day, we had misunderstood the value you brought to our home, and had you labor away as a common hauler.  You did not complain.  You even shuffled along those barrels of scorpion vomit with a cheerful and carefree attitude.  I wish with every fiber of my being that your mood would rub off on the rest of us.  Especially the Mason.

You first came to our attention when you displayed impressive levels of initiative.  Faced with that mount of rotting corpses outside, you took it upon yourself to construct your very own slaughterhouse, and for a couple of years, kept our kitchens well stocked with delightful meat of questionable provenance.  The quality of life for all increased measurably within days.

You again came to our attention when you took the lessons you learned in flaying creatures alive and applied that to the medicinal arts.  When our first dragoon squad got lost and mistakenly laid siege to us, you were there before the rest of us, fishing children out of those bladed traps and pulling them off spikes.  I note that already several diplomats from the home territories have sent their own medics to learn from you.  I understand that to this day nobody else can graft the skin from a marmot onto a living dwarf and have it take.  We are proud of you!

But I do admit that I have one small, niggling concern.  While you ability to graft animal parts onto dwarves is nothing short of legendary, we would kindly ask you to limit or abandon your research.  I note that we've already had one military dwarf sever his own arm.  It is our understanding that you had promised to graft him a dragon's leg for a new arm.  I wish to point out that we currently have no dragon, much less one willing to part with a limb.  While we have no doubt that, could this be done successfully, that it SHOULD be done, but we ask you kindly that we wait until we have both a willing limb-culling dragon and an armless dwarf already present and available.  The militia rosters are thin enough as it is without a surfeit of self amputations.

Your cooperation anticipated,
Labor Manager

[the1337doofus]

Dear Urist (DOCTOR);

I wish to write to congratulate you on the fine work you have done for this colony thus far. 

I fondly recall the day you arrived as an immigrant.  For the first day, we had misunderstood the value you brought to our home, and had you labor away as a common hauler.  You did not complain.  You even shuffled along those barrels of scorpion vomit with a cheerful and carefree attitude.  I wish with every fiber of my being that your mood would rub off on the rest of us.  Especially the Mason.

You first came to our attention when you displayed impressive levels of initiative.  Faced with that mount of rotting corpses outside, you took it upon yourself to construct your very own slaughterhouse, and for a couple of years, kept our kitchens well stocked with delightful meat of questionable provenance.  The quality of life for all increased measurably within days.

You again came to our attention when you took the lessons you learned in flaying creatures alive and applied that to the medicinal arts.  When our first dragoon squad got lost and mistakenly laid siege to us, you were there before the rest of us, fishing children out of those bladed traps and pulling them off spikes.  I note that already several diplomats from the home territories have sent their own medics to learn from you.  I understand that to this day nobody else can graft the skin from a marmot onto a living dwarf and have it take.  We are proud of you!

But I do admit that I have one small, niggling concern.  While you ability to graft animal parts onto dwarves is nothing short of legendary, we would kindly ask you to limit or abandon your research.  I note that we've already had one military dwarf sever his own arm.  It is our understanding that you had promised to graft him a dragon's leg for a new arm.  I wish to point out that we currently have no dragon, much less one willing to part with a limb.  While we have no doubt that, could this be done successfully, that it SHOULD be done, but we ask you kindly that we wait until we have both a willing limb-culling dragon and an armless dwarf already present and available.  The militia rosters are thin enough as it is without a surfeit of self amputations.

Your cooperation anticipated,
Labor Manager

Wat.

This is probably actually just a mod you play, but I'll come out and say it; Pix or it didn't happen.

[pisskop]

I thought he was hardcore RPing . . .