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[Akura]

EDIT: Dear Urist,

Remind me when I post in the wrong thread, dammit.

Signed, Overseer.

[Dunkelzahn]

dear urist mc gem setter

the elves got away before you put those gears in-place, what took you so long?

[PDF urist master]

note to Urist: when a siege happens and goblins are chasing your ass, run into the door filled with traps.

[Greenalien]

Dear Fortress friends,

I am so glad to have you all. Well not all of you. Some of you are bleeding useless bastards, four of you are masons but there's rarely even one of you working on making those doors and tables and chairs you need, while you complain all the time about how the mess hall is too full of other dwarves. Speaking of which, since there's too many of you, and so many of you are completely useless, and you take up living space for others, why don't you go away? Why do you keep bringing in distant relatives and inviting immigrants and why do you keep popping off babies on the bare floor just like that, while you're at work? It's awful, do you have no soul? What is wrong with you people? Swear to gods, sometimes I wish the forgotten monster from the deep down cavern  (from which we're separated by a thin wooden door, since you can't be bothered to put up that wall we need) would just come up and end our collective dwarven misery.

Yours talkatively,

Overseer.

[Lida_Brainbroken]

Dear Fortress friends,

I am so glad to have you all. Well not all of you. Some of you are bleeding useless bastards, four of you are masons but there's rarely even one of you working on making those doors and tables and chairs you need, while you complain all the time about how the mess hall is too full of other dwarves. Speaking of which, since there's too many of you, and so many of you are completely useless, and you take up living space for others, why don't you go away? Why do you keep bringing in distant relatives and inviting immigrants and why do you keep popping off babies on the bare floor just like that, while you're at work? It's awful, do you have no soul? What is wrong with you people? Swear to gods, sometimes I wish the forgotten monster from the deep down cavern  (from which we're separated by a thin wooden door, since you can't be bothered to put up that wall we need) would just come up and end our collective dwarven misery.

Yours talkatively,

Overseer.

Why not just enable masonry on some of your cheesemakers and fish disecters?

[Greenalien]

Dear Fortress friends,

I am so glad to have you all. Well not all of you. Some of you are bleeding useless bastards, four of you are masons but there's rarely even one of you working on making those doors and tables and chairs you need, while you complain all the time about how the mess hall is too full of other dwarves. Speaking of which, since there's too many of you, and so many of you are completely useless, and you take up living space for others, why don't you go away? Why do you keep bringing in distant relatives and inviting immigrants and why do you keep popping off babies on the bare floor just like that, while you're at work? It's awful, do you have no soul? What is wrong with you people? Swear to gods, sometimes I wish the forgotten monster from the deep down cavern  (from which we're separated by a thin wooden door, since you can't be bothered to put up that wall we need) would just come up and end our collective dwarven misery.

Yours talkatively,

Overseer.

Why not just enable masonry on some of your cheesemakers and fish disecters?

Yup, done that.

[Eric Blank]

Dear ex-adventurer werebeast druid elemental mage champion,

Due to the condition of your being, we are sad to say that you will not be allowed to mingle with the other dwarves on account of your time of the month coming around and causing you to both menstruate and transform into a hideous monster that likes to tear peoples' heads off. You will be fully compensated with a personal villa with access to great clothing stocks and many of your favorite materials, possessions and pets. We ask only that you dont go completely bonkers before it's all set up and also refrain from murdering anyone. We sincerely respect your heroic deeds and will honor your wishes as we are able.

Sincerely, your terrified compatriots in the hole next door.

[WillowLuman]

I know how you feel. I had a fort fall to 6 legendary werebeast adventurers.

[tahujdt]

Dear Minotaur McFeralReaver,
Please realize that when you have 10 power-armored soldiers with gunner cutie marks and assault rifles shooting you, you are supposed to die already. You scared away the traders, but I managed to immobilize you. Now please, die already.

Sincerely, the Overmarestallion.

[Jenniretta]

Dear Urist McMeatShield,

When I tell you "Station here." I mean STAY THE F--- THERE. I do NOT mean "Charge single-file into 40 goblins to die one at a time!"

Oh, and Urist McRandomCivvy,
When you see a goblin, or a zombie, or a zombie goblin, or whatever other thing wants to kill you, run TOWARDS the front gate, not AWAY from it!

Sincerely,
Your eternally frustrated overlord.

[weenog]

Dear Overlord,

I can't help it.  My sense of duty, my combat training, and my love of my homeland all point to only one solution: engage any and all enemies until they're dead or I am.  If I see them, they're going down.  Sorry.

Sincerely, Urist McMeatShield

---

If a soldier gets line of sight to an enemy, they will engage, and they won't stop until it's over.  If you want to station a soldier somewhere and not have him charge into the fray, you have two options.  You can put him somewhere his line of sight to the enemy is blocked (behind a short wall, perhaps).  Or you can have him blinded so he doesn't have line of sight to anything, ever.

[Mr Space Cat]

Stationing is still kinda screwy, though. In tight spaces with lots of long corridors that bend back on themselves, such as close compact constructs like aboveground forts, a dwarf can station himself technically near where the point is placed, only a few Urist tiles away as the crow flies, but he just so happens to conveniently have to be on the other side of a wall and have to calculate the path and backtrack 60 Urists to reach the preferred site of battle.

 Must be a dwarf's natural habitat, being on that wrong side of the wall.

Simple ASCII example diagram:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

########
+@+!++++
#######+
#+@@+#+
#+++++#+
#+++++#+
###+###+
++++++++

!==station order
@==average axedorf soldier
+==floors and #==walls

[Doctor_Whiteface]

To: Kor Batteredkings the Death of Tyranny, civilian mason
From: The little voice in your head
RE: Recent developments

I can appreciate that you are a civilian, and that therefore your delicate constitution tends towards blind, gibbering terror when faced with anything larger than your fist that isn't wearing a collar and asking for tummy rubs.

That said, I am also aware of your propensity to run in blind terror from such harmless things as a sponge set up as target practice in the ass-end of the fortress. That's why I set it out in the ass-end of the fortress, eighty tiles away and five floors below your designated burrow.

However, up until now I was utterly clueless as to your mysterious proficiency, unrevealed in Therapist, with thrown objects. Congratulations on crushing the invading dragon's skull with a thrown sock, lucky shot or not you did what five squads of Marksdwarves, three Grand Master Axedwarves, and a Legendary Macedwarf all failed to do (and, in dying in the process, ended our military attempting). You terrify me beyond reason, and will receive a promotion and double-standard barrack once I get the time to excavate something for you.

PS - In saving our fortress from !!FUN!!, you have earned yourself a level in Founders' Tower. We will begin the obsidian farming for your level immediately. Congratulations on being the first dwarf in forty-eight years to earn such an honor.

[Gentlefish]

To: Kor Batteredkings the Death of Tyranny, civilian mason
From: The little voice in your head
RE: Recent developments

I can appreciate that you are a civilian, and that therefore your delicate constitution tends towards blind, gibbering terror when faced with anything larger than your fist that isn't wearing a collar and asking for tummy rubs.

That said, I am also aware of your propensity to run in blind terror from such harmless things as a sponge set up as target practice in the ass-end of the fortress. That's why I set it out in the ass-end of the fortress, eighty tiles away and five floors below your designated burrow.

However, up until now I was utterly clueless as to your mysterious proficiency, unrevealed in Therapist, with thrown objects. Congratulations on crushing the invading dragon's skull with a thrown sock, lucky shot or not you did what five squads of Marksdwarves, three Grand Master Axedwarves, and a Legendary Macedwarf all failed to do (and, in dying in the process, ended our military attempting). You terrify me beyond reason, and will receive a promotion and double-standard barrack once I get the time to excavate something for you.

PS - In saving our fortress from !!FUN!!, you have earned yourself a level in Founders' Tower. We will begin the obsidian farming for your level immediately. Congratulations on being the first dwarf in forty-eight years to earn such an honor.

Story time. I'll write this up sometime tomorrow hopefully.

[MrSparky]

Dear Urist McLegendary Armorsmith/Master Furnace Operator/Great Metalsmith/Novice Fisherdwarf.

We don't have a metal industry set up yet so I'm fine with you fishing in your free time. Truth be told we can use the extra food. However I would prefer you fish somewhere other than the expanded murky pool we use to feed the hospital well. What really gets me is that you chose to fish from the base of the pump, the only tile on that side of the pool where I didn't order a wall built. You almost spent the rest of your life living on a single tile above ground surviving off of raw fish and stagnant water.

Sincerely,
The One Who Tells You Things