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[Flanderbland]

Dear Urist McHauler,

Could you kindly try to bring the goblinite to the storage bin, rather than bringing the storage bin to the goblinite and back again?

It would, quite frankly, save you from an extra return trip, and me from a severe headache due to complaints of "Urist McX has canceled X, can't find stuff".

Thanks,
The Overseer

[Larix]

Dear Urist McMadBlacksmith,

I hereby formally request that you cease and desist your bellowing cries for rock, rock blocks, metal bars and cut gems, when all of the said items are located within two rooms of your illegally seized forge (two floors in the case of the gems).

Check the dwarf's thoughts. It may be he/she has a liking for a specific type of metal, possibly an alloy. If at all possible, make bars of such metals. Dwarfs can insist on specific preferred stuff where the base material of their artefact is concerned; in case of blacksmithing/forges, that would obviously be the metal.

Other than that, never forget the basic sanity check before getting angry at a dwarf: confirm that the paths are actually clear. If the items are nearby and not reachable, the only one you can legitimately be angry at is yourself (happened to me often enough). And check that you really _do_ have the items the dwarf is asking for and didn't overlook anything - like shells, (colour) rough glass, bones, (type) cloth...

[maddwarf]

Thank you! Although in this case the paths were clear and the misbehaving dwarf's request items were all present, I shall certainly check thoughts in future to see if a specific type of good is needed. (Sadly the blacksmith in question has since... created a rouge-hued decorative pattern over some nearby walls and floor - alas.)

[TheDarkStar]

Dear UristMcHauler,

          No matter how clumsy you are, please do not commit suicide by dropping a pile of wood on yourself (although, even after reading the report, I'm still not quite sure how you managed to suffocate).

-Annoyed Overseer

Dear UristMcAngry,

          You might be throwing a tantrum, but using your strength to punch through the skilled woodburner's skull and brain does not make me happy. If you weren't legendary, you'd have already be a !!!dwarf!!! in lava.

[GuesssWho]

Dear Miner,

You are down a hole with no exit and nothing to do but make the staircase and maybe look at some rough gems. WHY ARE YOU ON BREAK!?!

[Lolfail0009]

Dear Miner,

You are down a hole with no exit and nothing to do but make the staircase and maybe look at some rough gems. WHY ARE YOU ON BREAK!?!

Well, y'see here Overseer, these fancy-type gems be one'o me late great-granny's favourites, and seein' 'em reminds me o' her. Surely y'could let a guy remember 'is family for a month'r two?

[GuesssWho]

Dear Miner,

You are down a hole with no exit and nothing to do but make the staircase and maybe look at some rough gems. WHY ARE YOU ON BREAK!?!

Well, y'see here Overseer, these fancy-type gems be one'o me late great-granny's favourites, and seein' 'em reminds me o' her. Surely y'could let a guy remember 'is family for a month'r two?

You can barely even tell, they're still rough!

[Larix]

Dear Miner,

You are down a hole with no exit and nothing to do but make the staircase and maybe look at some rough gems. WHY ARE YOU ON BREAK!?!

Well, y'see here Overseer, these fancy-type gems be one'o me late great-granny's favourites, and seein' 'em reminds me o' her. Surely y'could let a guy remember 'is family for a month'r two?

You can barely even tell, they're still rough!

Don't be silly! Of course we can, we're dwarves!

Don't you remember how I axed you when you told me to dig this hole why on earth you wanted some dumb hole dug in such a stupid place? You said, quote: "I don't care what you think, you hafta listen to orders. You'll dig that hole, and you'll like it!"
... guess what? I do like it. It's a nice hole. I'll take it.

Happily,
Urist McSittingInAHoleAndLikingIt

[Sulacsol]

Dear Urist McMiner, Urist McMiner II, and Urist McMiner III,

The reason I embarked with three miners was to expedite the clearing of workshop space and to enable me to dig out quickly underground farms. While I understand the need to eat and drink, I do not understand why you must take an entire month to do those two things. The first year is critical: If I am to have anything to trade with the caravan from the homeland in two months, no time can be wasted. I need to have those farms going so I can begin cooking meals and so I can start constructing craft and trade good workshops. Food is running low, as I'm sure you noticed when you were rummaging through the food stocks for the third time this season, and time is running out to get those farms dug before we starve. I do not understand why you won't commit a little more time to ensure that we can produce the food for your very survival, but at this rate, there's going to be another team of dwarves embarking here at Veiltome within a year. Because you'll all have starved to death. You do know you'll not have any more booze if you don't dig the farm plots soon, right? Because there won't be a damn thing to brew, let alone eat. So, please stop circle-jerking or whatever the heck you're doing that's making it take so long, grab your picks, and get back to work.

Sincerely,

A concerned-for-your-livelihood Overlord

[GuesssWho]

We have three kinds of booze and a well. I'm even building a second well for you in case you can't figure out the first one for some reason. Please stop dying of thirst now, okay?

Also, why is there a stray hen having a tantrum?

[Lolfail0009]

Also, why is there a stray hen having a tantrum?

CLUCK CLUCK MOTHERF***ER

[Boltgun]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

I am delighted that you choose my fort to migrate in. However, as you can see, there is no vegetation anywhere. So congratulations, you are now an axedwarf.

Here's your Xcopper helmX, have fun !

Sincerly,
your overseer.

[Slayerhero90]

Dear Demonblood 1,

Thank you for testing out the thrownaxes. It is, however, unfortunate that you were slain trying to finish off a wounded Iloial. Those plant people are tough, aren't they? Anyway, we've hired a new test subject. Demonblood 2 has been testing the lever-action rifle, using the silver .40-75 Gov't cartridges we supplied. We're thinking about including the .40-75 bit with the rifle's name for convenience.

Sincerely, Psychohorn Weapons Manufacturing.

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist Mchauler:

Why is a third of my fortress' inventory dumped on the staircase? That staircase is nowhere near the stockpile, nor is it anywhere near your path!

What is even more perplexing is whyyou dragged masterwork crafts from the workshop, past the stockpile and threw them down the stairs. Do you hate our craftsdwarf?

Confused,
Overseer.

[Eric Blank]

Dear overseer;

Did you accidentally designate them to be dumped or something of the like?

Sincerely, dorfen bureau of problem solvingperpetuation.