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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1511433 times)

WillowLuman

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4725 on: January 25, 2013, 12:57:02 am »

Dear Rinmolvunom, raccoon,

With teeth, of course.

Damn, you just left the map, bastard! But I know your kind. One day, you will return, and announce so brazenly in red lettering! And on that day, you shall be caged. After that, well, we have not decided.

Sincerely, Expedition Leader

PS: VENGEANCE!
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lumicrow

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4726 on: January 25, 2013, 03:53:03 am »

Dear Urist McMother

Stop carrying your torn, bleeding baby around and get to the hospital. You're not excactly the mother of the year, are you?

Sincerely, Rest of the Fort
(I know this is a bug but it's still frustrating)
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xana55

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4727 on: January 26, 2013, 01:27:31 am »

Dear dwarves of the glacier fortress

I understand that  being the third reclaiming group is not an easy task what with the fifty or so corpses of other dwarves laying scattered across the map in the most inhospitable frozen landscape imaginable, but really it's not that hard to cram a corpse into a rock coffin. Seriously it's only two or three dead guys who are giving you trouble and I have no idea why. For the time being I have decided to forbid the skeletons in place and if resting for all eternity ontop of your designated burial receptacle isn't good enough for them well that's there loss. Best of luck draining the flooded basement out, we're all routing for you back home.

On an unrelated note should we prepare a fourth reclaiming group.

With regards, High Overlord Smich of the third great and bountiful dwarven empire
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Urist The Foolish: Beheaded by a swarm of cats 379 BC.

xana55

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4728 on: January 26, 2013, 01:28:22 am »

Dear dwarves of the glacier fortress

Why is there wine on every exposed surface in the courtyard? I don't really have a problem with you getting creative with the decoration but that's really a waste of good booze. That being said if it's already on the ground try to track it around everywhere you go if only for the sake of making better use of spilled booze then having it sit in pools in the courtyard.

The confused Overseer
« Last Edit: January 26, 2013, 01:31:35 am by xana55 »
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Urist The Foolish: Beheaded by a swarm of cats 379 BC.

GuesssWho

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4729 on: January 26, 2013, 04:15:17 am »

Dear confused overseer,

The old barrels leaked. This happens when you abandon a fortress, sadly.

Dwarves.
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I have no clue what I am doing here.


I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Jack_Bread

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4730 on: January 26, 2013, 07:18:46 am »

Dear (ex-)hammerer(s),

Please execute the vampire.
This is the fifth time.

Sincerely, the entire fort

WillowLuman

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4731 on: January 26, 2013, 10:08:51 am »

Dear civilians

Raise the drawbridge, or we are #$&@ed! I don't know how, but we have just confirmed that that minotaur that showed up is wielding a large, serrated disc! Hurry up and get that lever, I won't be able to hold him for long!

-Militia Commander, only member of military.
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Greiger

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4732 on: January 26, 2013, 10:25:16 am »

Minotaur.  They are like That one scene from Riddick.  Socks, hats, gloves... They will kill you with all kinds of things.  But once they are holding something that's already lethal, watch the fuck out.
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Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4733 on: January 26, 2013, 04:12:29 pm »

Yeah, a minotaur with a serrated saw blade is not something to scoff at :o
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I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Eoganachta

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4734 on: January 27, 2013, 04:35:31 am »

I'm imagining limbs everywhere.
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WillowLuman

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4735 on: January 27, 2013, 12:42:03 pm »

Diary of Overseer

They didn't pull the lever. The beast knocked our sole warrior into the unfilled moat and is now beheading his way through our livestock. I can only hope these bloody stupid living codpieces I call workers will build that damn wall.
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Flying Fortress

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4736 on: January 28, 2013, 08:27:22 am »

Dear Urists

Why....why have you all only be possessed?  The only people that haven't been possessed, besides that one ranger-mason, have already been legendary.  Why do you torture me so, all that training just to have you get a strange mood when you become legendary is so annoying.  Then to have dwarves that I'm trying to encourage a strange mood in useful skills just get possessed and then be barred from ever getting instant legendary.  If even one more of you metal workers becomes possessed consider yourself dead, I won't put up with this any longer.  >:(
Your ticked off OverLord

-----------

Dear UristMcLeverPuller

Thank you for being slow, no seriously I thank you a lot.  Because of you the elves were unable to get inside and the ambush took their lives.  We now have a second female cougar to add to our breeding pair and the cougar kitten swarm should be coming any minute.  We also have a giant hamster and skunk that we can dump down the volcano to scout out the magma sea.
Your thankful Overseer

------------

Dear Elves

Congratulations!  Your yaks broke the ambush by killing some of the goblins!  Only one of you escaped, sadly it must've been the one with all the food/booze, but I thank the rest of you for your contribution to Constructnatures.  Your donation of a breeding pair of cougars will always be remembered as we send them to their death in the caverns.
Leader of Constructnatures
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Has entire family killed and all friends butchered and raped.
---
It's cool, he saw an awesome sock AND a waterfall, so it's all good now.
it's ‼Super Happy Tantrum Time‼

RiotShield

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4737 on: January 29, 2013, 12:36:38 pm »

Dear Urist Unit 273

I understand that life here can be frustrating at times. I understand that you like that spot, and it is one of the few things you have here that you can enjoy. But I must question the logic of standing outside the fort directly in front of the ballistae fortification as the the Goblin filth charged. Your remains will not be collected.

                              Your amused Overseer

Dear Berserk Urist Unit

Your anger is understood, what with your entire family killed by that Forgotten Beast. However, it would have been preferred if you had waited to go insane after you had passed our hammerer and put away your weapons. If it had been an equally armored enemy you had killed with one stab to the eyes, I would have rewarded you. Instead, I must commend your former comrade and new hammerer who was, at the time you did the deed, standing directly behind you for bisecting you in a similarly instant fashion. You will not be missed.

                            Your irritated Overseer
« Last Edit: January 29, 2013, 04:06:03 pm by RiotShield »
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rainpeltstar

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4738 on: February 01, 2013, 04:45:09 pm »

Dear dwarves to whom it may concern:

Any clothes or items left on the floor of your rooms will be promptly dumped. That is all.

Your benevolent overseer
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Urist McKiwi

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4739 on: February 01, 2013, 05:07:49 pm »

Dear Urist, Urist & Urist, AKA: The Pirate Mason Junta

As you well know, construction on the Mk.1 "Kill the World" device has been held up while you construct floodgates. What you *should* know is that your continued insistence on traveling across the entire fort to get to our non-magma-safe stone is resulting in my seriously considering building the Mk.1 in such a way that it cannot be turned off. Unless you would like this to eventuate, please look to the small mountain of basalt and granite next to your workshops. It's been there for half a year now, you must have noticed it.
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