Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[enizer]

Dear Urist McCook

i know you are a legendary cook, and i'm not, but was looking through your work, and you keep mincing the whip wine flour
by definition, flour, is a powder, please explain your reasoning for mincing, POWDER?

Dear Urist McMiller

i recently found Urist McCook using whip wine flour, whip wine is supposed to be used for booze,
you are supposed to be milling dimple cups.
i know whip wine is also blue, but it cant be used to color clothing

i am not correcting my plan, the whip wine end product is still classified as booze, i leave you up to figuring out how to drink powder

Dear Urist McClothier

i Told you to make bags
you said there was no cloth left
i changed the orders to allow using non-dyed cloth
you resume making bags... using ONLY COLORED CLOTH?
noone is currently dying cloth
where did this cloth come from?
we are flooded with white cloth, and are having problems coloring it..
and why do bags need to be pretty?

[AutomataKittay]

Dear Urist McCook

i know you are a legendary cook, and i'm not, but was looking through your work, and you keep mincing the whip wine flour
by definition, flour, is a powder, please explain your reasoning for mincing, POWDER?

Dear Urist McMiller

i recently found Urist McCook using whip wine flour, whip wine is supposed to be used for booze,
you are supposed to be milling dimple cups.
i know whip wine is also blue, but it cant be used to color clothing

i am not correcting my plan, the whip wine end product is still classified as booze, i leave you up to figuring out how to drink powder

Dear Overseer

Y'see, ain't nobody tell me which stuff to grind up. Ain't seen a stockpile given to this shop so I take whatever's nearest, ya see? Maybe if someone could have this pile of dimple cup and bags given to this shop...

Your boozey McMiller

[Flying Fortress]

Dear combat team Delta:
  My bad, I did it.  I taught Rat (my cat) that toes were playthings.  I would slam into it and pounce on it with my foot.  So when I was lounging and playing the first serious attempt at a fort in a while, Rat of course thought it was the perfect time for her to pounce and bite.  I alas could not move you to a more defensible position closer to the fort.

I drew blood, just as you.  You will be buried with honor.  I have no clue how you died, as I was busy fighting off a fierce monster myself, but it was surely not like little nancys.  The combat log be damned, you as heros in my eyes.

Your comicly upset overseer
JD

As a fellow cat owner I completely understand, my cat is fricken crazy and he constantly attacks.  You may not believe this, but he literally chased an adult black bear through our woods when he was a few months old (and obviously still too young to have any kind of a brain to let him know that was stupid.)  Try living with a psycho cat that thinks he is awesome because he took on a bear and lived.

Dear UristMcEveryone
Why won't you walk through those open floodgates?  There are no burrows, there is no danger, temperature is off just in case the magma trap in that section made the floodgates hot somehow, and there is no reason to walk all the way around the map to dump refuse.  I've destroyed the floodgates and the walls around them, rebuilt the floor and the roof, and still you refuse to walk over that section.  I dug out the whole area beneath it and rebuilt it from the ground up.  Heck I even used DF-hack to force you little idiots onto those tiles, causing you to freeze in place.  Why do you refuse to go anywhere near my lovely and safe easy access walkway?

Your annoyed and dumbfounded overseer
FF

[Scootagoose]

Dear Urist McMayor. I know you REALLY like cages, but was it really necessary that you beat your SON to death because he accidentally got a cage sold?

Your completely baffled overseer, Scootagoose.

[Akura]

Dear Squad Kobold Ninja-Thieves,
Seriously, two wheelbarrows were all you wanted to take?
Sincerely,
Overseer.

PS. The one kobold who tried to assassinate my woodworker, but then took a pickaxe to the innards(and lost their hand) from a nearby miner has been made the first two objects(the hand and rest of body) to enter the garbage pile. And to add further insult to injury, a coatl stole his dagger before I could sell it.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Bleenkis McKoboldthief,

Why did you have to steal the fort's only artifact? Dick move man, dick move.

- Urist McOverseer

[Lolfail0009]

to add further insult to injury, a coatl stole his dagger

Please say you mean coati. Otherwise I'd feel robbed of my mod.

[Akura]

Probably. I haven't seen one since.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMayor. I know you REALLY like cages, but was it really necessary that you beat your SON to death because he accidentally got a cage sold?

Your completely baffled overseer, Scootagoose.

Dear Scootagoose,
I am appalled that you think I would give my family special treatment!
Urist McMayor is throwing a tantrum!
Now look what you made me do! I was already angry from the death of my son!
Sincerely,
Probably being beaten for vandalising that floodgate...

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear Urist McMiner,

You just had to go out there. You idiot. Your friends were dead,  the animals were dead, they were all dead at the same time, in the same place, up by the wagon surrounded by blood. You and Urist McLadyMiner were the only two left alive, spared by mere coincidence by happening to be enlarging the first storeroom underground and away from the surface.

You could have rebuilt! You had the technology! You had the goods down in the storeroom needed for life, you had food, seeds, wood, you had picks and everything. I assigned both you and McLadyMiner to wall off the fort. Armok knows you probably would have dumbly walked up to the surface...I forbid everything up there, I restricted every tile on the surface to keep you away. You had the wood to wall off and live comfortably together down in the depths for the rest of your lives...

...but you had to go up to the surface to clean yourselves off, didn't you? Yep, that dust on your socks was totally worth attempting to walk through pools of orc blood in the name of sanitary values.

You didn't even make it one step, you both keeled over the instant you walked into the blood and died, nauseous, paralyzed, and suffocating. You bleeding idiots. Pun intended.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Evil rain is horrifying, man. Brand new embark, a few seconds in it starts raining orc blood; the guys on the surface were chilling while the miners dug out a hole to hide out in. there seemed to be no ill effects, then suddenly everyone, dorf or animal, on the surface literally collapsed at the same time, paralyzed, and suffocated in a matter of seconds. The two miners were the only two left, and they went back out there to try and clean themselves off and stepped right in the deadly orc blood. DORF LOGIC

[RickiusMaximus]

Dear Urist McTrader,

Yesterday I noticed that your child was missing, but I was eating so I just hit spacebar.
Then I noticed that you had fallen and broken your leg, but I was a little bit thirsty so on my way to the fridge I just hit spacebar.
Then there was a goblin siege but I was a little tired and fancied a nap so I just hit spacebar...

NOT MUCH FUN WHEN YOUR ON THE RECEIVING END IS IT?

Yours faithfully,

The Overseer

[RickiusMaximus]

Dear Elf Liaison,

You are correct, after chopping it down and turning it into bolts it is now just a rude bauble, but I wouldn't go as far as saying it is 'fit only for your kind'. I can 'fit' quite a few of them into your elves.

Come get them back.

Yours,

The Overseer

[TheZoomZoll]

Dear Soldier,

You got clawed on your finger by a kitty and now you are whining that you need soap,medical attention,a diagnostic,some time to rest,a slave to feed you and help you drink.

You are a wussbag and I am currently working on your "retirement".It will include a nice cozy room with spear traps,so you can really whine about being hurt by golden spears penetrating your anus and your stomach.

Love,the guy that will show you what pain really feels like.

[Slayerhero90]

Not so much pain, just more bruises. Unless you want to use spears of butter.

[Cassandra]

Thats not a retirement room. That is a standard military/child training room.

Retirement rooms feature a small room with two pumps.