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[Cassandra]

Dear Dwarven Elementalist of Serpentshrine

I can understand going after the kobold thief. I can even understand chasing it out of the fortress and then killing it. What I don't understand was WHAT was going through your mind to throw FIREBALLS at the kobold in a DENSE FOREST. The budding fortress has crashed to it's end, you incinerated all the pastured animals, four children, three dwarves, one kobold, a human diplomat, the wagon, the fields... And then went berserk INSIDE the fortress after realizing you burned your own children alive. And then you lit the Brewer, the only priest in the fortress able to soothe your mind, on fire, IN the booze stockpile. So lets recap, shall we? You pissed off the elves, by destroying a forest. You pissed off the humans, by melting a diplomat. You pissed off the kobolds, by melting a thief. You doomed the fortress to a slow death by destroying it's food, and more importantly, it's BOOZE. And most importantly, you pissed off ME. Thats right. I'm coming personally from the mountainhome to cut you apart. Congratulations. You have become the most destructive dwarf in the history of Serpentshrine.

Your Serpentine Overseer,
Cassandra 'Ke' Icefang, the Slayer of Ancients.

[Porcelain]

dear urist mcfisherdwarf

please stop thinking the rapids above the waterfall are shallow enough to walk slowly across with an armful of fish DESPITE the no-traffic forbidden zone and wall designed to shelter your puny mind from having to understand the basics of gravity.

-Porcelain, overseer of the ancientmists dwarven citadel of the twin towers

[ElfLove]

Dearest, McUristbrokerdwarf,

How do you have so many a break?
... So many a drink?
... So many a sleep?
... So many a party?
When you are needed?
And how do you feel with the peasent getting your job becuase he is the first to the TP because you took so long with your revelries?

[Eric Blank]

Dear Dwarven Elementalist of Serpentshrine

I can understand going after the kobold thief. I can even understand chasing it out of the fortress and then killing it. What I don't understand was WHAT was going through your mind to throw FIREBALLS at the kobold in a DENSE FOREST. The budding fortress has crashed to it's end, you incinerated all the pastured animals, four children, three dwarves, one kobold, a human diplomat, the wagon, the fields... And then went berserk INSIDE the fortress after realizing you burned your own children alive. And then you lit the Brewer, the only priest in the fortress able to soothe your mind, on fire, IN the booze stockpile. So lets recap, shall we? You pissed off the elves, by destroying a forest. You pissed off the humans, by melting a diplomat. You pissed off the kobolds, by melting a thief. You doomed the fortress to a slow death by destroying it's food, and more importantly, it's BOOZE. And most importantly, you pissed off ME. Thats right. I'm coming personally from the mountainhome to cut you apart. Congratulations. You have become the most destructive dwarf in the history of Serpentshrine.

Your Serpentine Overseer,
Cassandra 'Ke' Icefang, the Slayer of Ancients.

Oh gods, you're using a mod like that too? Battlemages are some wreckless mofos. I've been lucky in that none of mine have managed to murder everyone indoors.

[Cassandra]

The Spell-Castes mod, and Chocolate, yes.

The horrible part was that the brewer was a 'special' migrant. A priest brewer prophet, I believe. She was able to actually keep most of my dwarves from tantruming, among other things, and could help cure insanity. At least, I think thats what she was doing. How am I going to replace that in a reclaim?

[Eric Blank]

Pray to the random number gods, probably. And I didn't know there was a way for a caste to affect other dwarves' moods intentionally through modding. Interesting.

[Cassandra]

She was a caste that the RNG blessed with a magic slab during world gen. Sadly, she is a dwarf, so the slab is now hidden in a place that doesn't really exist.

[enizer]

dear Urist McEngraver

Re: prisoner execution pit

when i ordered the room around the 20z drop pit we dump goblins and kobold prisoners into, i was hoping for engravings of gruesome goblin death, and you did deliver there

however, one example engraving "an engraving of en elf and a goblin, the goblin is dead, the elf is laughing, this relates to...*wall of text*"
you made seven similar to this one, no two of the same elf and goblin, most not from the same year battle, and i note, not one engraving of anyone else killing goblins

i get the point, the local elves prefer to water their trees with fresh goblin blood, but look around for a bit
this is a DWARF fortress
surely history has some epic DWARF battles?


will be planting a tree for hugging purposes in your bedroom
Enizer

[slay_mithos]

Dear Urist McMiner,

Please, if you want to have a fey mood, either do it before you reach legendary +5, or choose an other skill (even if it is not possible...)

Well, at least we will use the Millstone, as I have not yet ordered you guys to build one, but it feels like a loss of a fey nonetheless.

Your overseer.

[Babylon]

Dear Urist McHaulers

When I confine you to a burrow on an alert that means stop taking jobs outside that burrow, not stand at the very edge of the burrow where the drawbridge is and run over the draw bridge, out of the burrow, before futiley returning when you realize the job is out of bounds.  The bridge closing in a way that trapped half of you outside with the goblins is entirely your own fault.  I hope you enjoyed your dismembering.

[hops]

Dear Urist McDehydratedtodeath

...Why are you dead in front of the still...?

Your very confused overseer.

[kuki]

Urist
Get back inside
Get back inside right now
Why won't you get back inside
The river is not important
The fish are not important
Those bolts are not important
Those socks are not important
The dead guy's toe is not important
You do not need to go hunting right now
The goblins are coming
GET THE FUCK-
Nevermind, Urist, I'm shutting the gates, you're going to die a violent death, and it's your own fault. Just know, as your upper spine is mauled by goblin lashers, that I'm very frustrated with you.

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Urist McMilitary,

I started you in full bronze armor after losing several forts to the errant wild life.  I started you with combat experience.  I even have a butcher and cook on standby waiting for you to massacre anything soft, fleshy, and edible that gets to close.  Care to explain to me how you managed to get killed by a lone badger?  You had 5 pages of combat log with you beating the badger in the tail with the flat of your sword until he bit your throat and killed you.

Sincerely,

The Overseer who keeps restarting due to badgers

[wer6]

Dear Urist McMilitary,

I started you in full bronze armor after losing several forts to the errant wild life.  I started you with combat experience.  I even have a butcher and cook on standby waiting for you to massacre anything soft, fleshy, and edible that gets to close.  Care to explain to me how you managed to get killed by a lone badger?  You had 5 pages of combat log with you beating the badger in the tail with the flat of your sword until he bit your throat and killed you.

Sincerely,

The Overseer who keeps restarting due to badgers

dear overseer:he was so cute!

[pisskop]

Dear combat team Delta:
  My bad, I did it.  I taught Rat (my cat) that toes were playthings.  I would slam into it and pounce on it with my foot.  So when I was lounging and playing the first serious attempt at a fort in a while, Rat of course thought it was the perfect time for her to pounce and bite.  I alas could not move you to a more defensible position closer to the fort.

I drew blood, just as you.  You will be buried with honor.  I have no clue how you died, as I was busy fighting off a fierce monster myself, but it was surely not like little nancys.  The combat log be damned, you as heros in my eyes.

Your comicly upset overseer
JD