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[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Genomes,

Yes, I know zombie fish are terrifying.  There are many legends about the horrors of zombie carps and sturgeons, both of which are currently in our river.

However, they are in the bottom of the river after a 11 zlevel waterfall, and are zombies because they were normal fish that fell to their deaths down the waterfall and reanimated due to our sinister biome (or in the case of the sturgeon, smacked with zombie pike tails for two seasons until dead).  There are at least 10 levels of sheer unramped cliff between you and the zombie fish, and despite their terrifying features and no need to breathe water, they haven't learned how to fly.  You're safe.  So stop cancelling jobs just because you see a scary thing in the water.  It can't get you.

Sincerely,
Overseer

But what if they swam up the waterfall?

Dear Urist McMiner, Urist McFisherdorf, and Urist McFarmer,

Why are the three of you all sleeping in the same bed?...and in the hospital no less. Are you guys just that kinky or something?

Also, leave some room at least for the engraver who bumped his head open. Honestly, show some respect, guys.

Don't blame us, blame the moron who tossed us on top of each other!

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear Urist McMiner, Urist McFisherdorf, and Urist McFarmer,

Why are the three of you all sleeping in the same bed?...and in the hospital no less. Are you guys just that kinky or something?

Also, leave some room at least for the engraver who bumped his head open. Honestly, show some respect, guys.

Don't blame us, blame the moron who tossed us on top of each other!

You misunderstand, the only dwarf that was injured was the engraver.

Everyone else involved was perfectly healthy and even had their own rooms to sleep in...right down the hall from the hospital.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner, Urist McFisherdorf, and Urist McFarmer,

Why are the three of you all sleeping in the same bed?...and in the hospital no less. Are you guys just that kinky or something?

Also, leave some room at least for the engraver who bumped his head open. Honestly, show some respect, guys.

Don't blame us, blame the moron who tossed us on top of each other!

You misunderstand, the only dwarf that was injured was the engraver.

Everyone else involved was perfectly healthy and even had their own rooms to sleep in...right down the hall from the hospital.

...
Stupid dwarves!

[wer6]

dear   uh.. elven bow elf's- i know you don't like being controlled my me but  if your gonna try to go  tantrum, don't aim at the dwarven caravan they just slaughtered everyone in ht e forest floor and the people in the tree houses are now slowly  starving to death. thanks to you tantruming: though i have to admit it was kind of funny when your blew that dwarfs  arm off.

[Eoganachta]

Dear craftdwarves.
When your moment of inspiration strikes and the gods send you a vision of your life's purpose why isn't something like this. I would have thought that automated drinking vessels would have been more important than collecting your dead child's socks at the bottom of the waterfall.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Hayvel]

Dear Expedition Leader,

I understand you're upset. The fortress has gotten off to a hard start with both our miners getting killed off by zombies, and that you, along with everyone else was forced to stay inside for a year while we forged weapons and armor. It's understandable that would upset you! It's also understandable that you would be upset about being drafted, and did not have any clothes to wear. That was my bad. I thought we'd have more armor to wear by now. Of course, if any of you idiots could understand that armor is just a bit more important to wear than clothing, I wouldn't have to force you all to remove your clothing in the first place. We're getting off topic, though.

Firstly, some apologies. I'm sorry that, while destroying the zombies threatening us, you had to go into battle naked. I'm sorry that you got your hand broken. I'm sorry that no one thought to put you in one of the hospital beds, and instead tossed you on the ground. And I am sorry that no one thought to bring you water.

Obviously, you have plenty of reason to be upset. And that is perfectly acceptable. What is UNACCEPTABLE however, is how you chose to deal with your frustration. Namely, losing your mind, and lopping off the head of the nearest person, who just happened to be the fortress's sole weapon and armor crafter.

Not only did you kill him though, you decided to do it LESS THAN A SECOND before dying of dehydration, so that even if I wanted to exact revenge upon you, I am incapable. The only thing I can do is write this letter, and hope that it and my rage reach you in the firey pits of Hell. Hope that it scares you. Hope that it terrifies you so completely that you will spend your time dreading the day that I too die and follow after you, regretting your inability to hang onto your sanity for even one moment longer, long enough to drop dead without making things worse. And when that day comes, I shall make you long for the simple tortures of Hell, as a reprieve from my own.

Sincerely,
The Fortress Overseer.

[Cassandra]

Dear Hayvel.

Hey, man. Chilling in Dwarf Heaven for goin' out in a Dorfy way. Enjoying afterlife, and they actually LET ME WEAR CLOTHES!

Glad you aren't here,
Expedition Leader

[wer6]

dear  bow elfs: just because you have a adamantine grown crossbow doesn't mean you go  OLALALALALA charging into the gobo;'s iron spears: your wooden armor isnt axactly the best armor in the world and now your wife is now kicking the  shit out of the  elven blacksmith and before that you had bit the miners nose off: i mean wut? So we just found about dwarven technology and you KILLED THAT POOR ELF ADN THEN RIPPED OF ANOTHER ELFS NOSE!! I SAY OF TO THE HELL DROP!

yes i dug to hell with elf's :3

[Ultimuh]

yes i dug to hell with elf's :3

So what do you call them? Deep Elves? :p

[wer6]

i call them idiots with picks. they always get num num'd by ghiant cave spiders 

[Ultimuh]

Pretty much like Dwarves then.

[itisnotlogical]

Dear Urist McUselessHauler:

Garbage dumping is literally the only thing I ask you to do. I keep you alive for that very purpose. Pick up dead vermin, drag them outside so the fort looks nice. Why won't you do this one simple task?

-Urist McExpeditionLeader

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Snosnub McKidnappers,

Wouldn't it behoove you to not injure the kid you're trying to kidnap?  Especially, you might wish to refrain from cutting off their freaking leg, as what happened with Urist McBabby back in the second year of the fort.  Unfortunately for the would-be thief, mom turned around and kicked his goblin butt all the way to Armok.  The baby survived, and I now have a legendary crutchwalker 10 years later   But still, dead kids aren't any good to you, except maybe in a stew.

PS: Send more kidnappers. I have too many kids, and my military can use the live practice.

[wer6]

Pretty much like Dwarves then.

except with ethics: and  no metals. playing as elfs is pretty hard think of DF without mining and masonry: i barely survived a gobo ambush of 5! they took a wood clad masterful bow wielding wood clad elfs too paste: damn der wood'n speers 

[Nyxalinth]

Pretty much like Dwarves then.

except with ethics: and  no metals. playing as elfs is pretty hard think of DF without mining and masonry: i barely survived a gobo ambush of 5! they took a wood clad masterful bow wielding wood clad elfs too paste: damn der wood'n speers

what mod is this, or is it something you did yourself?  I'm curious!