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[Voyd211]

Dear UristMcMiner(x3)

Why did that giant toad kill all of you? HOW did that giant toad kill all of you? Once I threw a military together out of miners and woodcutters, they tore the bloody thing apart. Why didn't you all fight?

Sincerely, your still-a-pyro overseer

[Cassandra]

Dear Voyd211

......

Sincerely, your now dead miners.

[Eric Blank]

Dear population of Headwaters,

How the hell do you guys keep winding up in the bottom of the waterfall? There's like no way down there! And you somehow manage to end up in the MIDDLE of the 3x11 area, too. The water can't reach you to wash you in... Or are you somehow winding up at the top of the waterfall?

Sincerely, your overseer who is still surprised by how stupid you are.

P.S. Congratulations to the skinny little woman, Mistem, who made herself a sexy little short skirt artifact. I'll make you captain of the guard and put that in your uniform, along with a whip. Sure the "criminals" would love that.

[Cassandra]

Dear population of Headwaters,

How the hell do you guys keep winding up in the bottom of the waterfall? There's like no way down there! And you somehow manage to end up in the MIDDLE of the 3x11 area, too. The water can't reach you to wash you in... Or are you somehow winding up at the top of the waterfall?

Sincerely, your overseer who is still surprised by how stupid you are.

P.S. Congratulations to the skinny little woman, Mistem, who made herself a sexy little short skirt artifact. I'll make you captain of the guard and put that in your uniform, along with a whip. Sure the "criminals" would love that.

Dear Eric,

Thank you for the promotion. I will endeavor to make sure the last thing your criminals see is that short skirt before I lash their brains out. I'll start with the idiots by the waterfall.

Sincerely, Mistem, Captain of the Guard.

[BlueMagic]

Dear Pony McMiner,

How the hell you managed to bite off the eagle woman's tongue will be a mystery for the ages. Thank you for the mental image.

[Voyd211]

Zordon McNecrolossus

It seems you are now impervious to magma and dragonfire. This is most disconcerting indeed. First fort on Mac: lots of cages and hopefully webs. Hoping that you don't reanimate your own severed head, but there's precedent for autonomous robot craniums.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urists McOxen,
You are pastured in an area with plenty of grass and vegetation. Please stop starving to death.

Dear Urists McMerchants,
You were 'leaving soon,' and I got the announcement that you packed up and left... so why are you still in my depot?
There is a three-urist-wide path straight into the depot, and you had no complaints about crossing the 3-wide-1-long retractable bridge on the way in.
So either trade some more or stuff your new piles of amulets and figurines into your carts and GTFO.
Freeloaders.

[Splint]

Traps might be blocking the wagons. I had that same problem.

Either that or they're taking thier sweet time loading up and GTFOing.

[Deus Machina]

No traps yet. Maybe later. I'll put the depot closer to the outside to give more room inside for traps.
They did eventually leave, about the time the elves were due.

Still can't figure out why half my livestock starves.

[thefish1992]

From; thefish1992
To; local necromancer tower
cc; recent seige
well to start off i would like to thank you for donating so many zombies to are fort, it has kept are soap industry running quite smoothly.
(zombie scented soap is quite popular you know), but i am curious as to were you get so many dead bodies. does the local morgue run a 50% off weekend or something? Just curious.

Sincerely Thefish1992

From; Thefish1992
To; Elves
cc; Mutant Fae Dogs

Don't bring them. I don't want them. they spontaneously combust every time they come near my fort, and because of this, you hypocrites are doing more damage to the environment then i am! and I'm a Overseer god dammit! keep bring those dam things and the next time you yell about my wood industry, ill boatmurder your asses.

Go to the Circus, Thefish1992

From; Thefish1992
To; mountain home traders guild
cc; recent firebombings

look i understand that their is a fierce competition at the mountain home, and i also understand that sometimes you have to use more "permanent" measure against your compettitors. but when you are going to firebomb the trade depot their at, please don't do it at my fortress.
i mean i do appreciate the brides you send me, and the fact that you replaced the dwarf i last with one that was a master of that trade(fishing  ) it sort of frustrarting when you ignite my surrounding country side ablaze just to kill a problem merchant.

Sincerely Thefish1992

(i love the masterwork mod, but it can be a WTF every now and then.)

[wer6]

dear urist mc legendary spear dorf

why the F*** did you wanted to be a adamantine sword golelm when you choud've signed up to be the spear golem i just ordered up

[GreatWyrmGold]

No traps yet. Maybe later. I'll put the depot closer to the outside to give more room inside for traps.
They did eventually leave, about the time the elves were due.

Still can't figure out why half my livestock starves.

Try giving them larger pastures.

[Tsuchigumo550]

Traps might be blocking the wagons. I had that same problem.

Either that or they're taking thier sweet time loading up and GTFOing.

Sometimes, if you didn't build a road, a tree will sprout up and block the path they took as well. I had a caravan appear pretty close to my fortress and go straight in, when they left there was a tree in the way and they went pretty much on a tour of the entire embark.

[Zaffre]

Dearest Merchants of Fazísedzul,

I appreciate your coming to our fortress and I am glad we had the opportunity to trade with you. However, you do not seem to be leaving. The tunnel out is just outside of the trading depot, yet you refuse to exit and instead stay inside of the depot. I would appreciate it if you were to exit the depot and leave it ready for next year's caravan.

Sincerely,
Overseer Zaffre

[Oaktree]

Dear Human Diplomat,

When you turned up to try to get a peace agreement we were willing to honor your status as a diplomat and allow you safe entrance to the fortress in order to meet with the mayor.  Though we refused your overtures for peace your safe conduct to depart was still protected.

However, when you decided to take an extended unauthorized detour from your clear exit route to walk through the main defenses of the fortress your safe exit was then rescinded.  Enjoy your stay and subsequent insanity in the utility ditch.  Perhaps some goblins will join you at some point.

-The Administration of Waterspear