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[Joben]

Dear Urist McStockpileDrone

I just found a barrel which contained a wheelbarrow. Inside the wheelbarrow was another barrel. I don't even understand how that is possible.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If this was some sort of joke, mission accomplished. If not, please seek professional pyciatric help, and possibly a new line of work.

Signed,
Your Very Confused Overseer,
Joben

[SandyCaesar]

Dear Olin Endoketur/Goden Handlepass,

Yes, I know that vampires need blood. Nevertheless, you have pissed me off. I'd even given you a work exemption since, hey, how many High Master Butchers do you get? And your social skills/ascension to mayor, not so suspicious either. Until I carefully looked through Legends mode with a fine-toothed comb and found you.

For the time being, you're the new fortress early-warning system. The post of mayor goes back to the poor sod you stole it from, while I hurry construction on a new marksmen moving-target practice system/goblin execution chamber/arena. You will be the inaugural contestant, if you survive watch duty. And if you live through that, there's always more death traps that need testing.

Sincerely,
A Very Vengeful Overseer

[Raikaria]

Dear Urist Mc Traders

Why are you just standing at the side of the map? There is a clear path to my Trade Depot. Yet you just stand there, watching. I'm not even sure if you have a caravan, you're just two friendly traders standing there.

Please, do something. Go away. Join the fort. TRADE. Just don't stand there until you waste away. I've had two waves of mirgants come in since you showed up!

Yours:

Confused Overseer.

[MadocComadrin]

DFhack -> fixmerchants?

[pisskop]

"Welcome. Welcome to Outpost 17. You have chosen, or been chosen, to relocate to one of our finest cultural centers. I thought so much of Outpost 17 that I elected to establish my administration here, in the city so thoughtfully provided by our benefactor, the King. I have been proud to call Outpost 17 my home. And so, whether you are here to ply your trade, or trying to start a new life - welcome to Outpost 17. It's safer here. "

-Alath Zanegethad, Mayor, in his yearly speech to the migrants.

"We now have direct confirmation of a disruptor in our midst, one who has acquired an almost messianic reputation in the minds of our nobility, and those who would seek their favor. Her figure is synonymous with the darkest urges of greed, ignorance and wrath. Some of the worst excesses of the Green Glass Mandate Incident have been laid directly at her feet. And yet the interloping nobility continues to imbue her with romantic power, giving her such dangerous poetic labels as the Hammer of Fate, the Cleanser of the Guilty.

Let me remind all citizens of the dangers of political thinking. We have scarcely begun to climb from the dark pit of our societies' social evolution. Let us not slide backward into oblivion, just as we have finally begun to see the light. If you see this so-called Hammer of Fate, report her. Civic deeds do not go unrewarded. And contrariwise, complicity with her cause will not go unpunished.

Be wise. Be safe. Be aware."

-Alath Zanegethad, in his seasonal speech to the workers in the spring of 205.




Just so you all know, I just modified Breen's speeches from Half-Life 2.  All intellectual property belongs to VALVe and Tarn Adams.

heh.  also this thread is awesome.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McStockpileDrone

I just found a barrel which contained a wheelbarrow. Inside the wheelbarrow was another barrel. I don't even understand how that is possible.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If this was some sort of joke, mission accomplished. If not, please seek professional pyciatric help, and possibly a new line of work.

Signed,
Your Very Confused Overseer,
Joben

How did the wheelbarrow end up being stored in the barrel?

[Sus]

Urist McHerbalist cancels Gather plants: interrupted by duck.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[MadocComadrin]

Dear Urist McStockpileDrone

I just found a barrel which contained a wheelbarrow. Inside the wheelbarrow was another barrel. I don't even understand how that is possible.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If this was some sort of joke, mission accomplished. If not, please seek professional pyciatric help, and possibly a new line of work.

Signed,
Your Very Confused Overseer,
Joben

This is what happens when professional haulers get moody. Instead of crafting things with raw materials, they just jam together whatever is laying around the stockpile and call it a day.

[SandyCaesar]

Dear Goden Handlepass/Urist McVampire:

Well, that was a surprise. Locked up in a room of disarmed gobbos, not only did you not die, you proceeded to murder the shit out of all five of them completely bare-handed. I'm having second thoughts on killing you, though you're not still going anywhere near the sleeping quarters.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

[orius]

Dear Urist McHauler:

I appreciate your dedication to duty.  Those masons are slobs, dropping socks all over the construction site, and you saw fit to grab a bin and pick up one of their booze soaked rags.  However, it was on one of the scaffold stairwells near the fort entrance.  Was it really necessary to climb up one of the far stairwells and clamber over the walls when you could have just gone up the stairs and picked the sock up at the top?

Your Overseer.

[pisskop]

Dear 'Whrex';

   I know that you are big, strong, tough, intelligent and like traditions and orders.  I know I told the group to pen the animals.  I know you were only technically doing what you were told, and just happened to consider animal safety more important than mining. But, when I embark into a sinester wetlands and the crocs are undead, I expect you to dig out aquafer breaking plug with the upmost haste.  The other dorfs can just as easily pen the meatshields pack animals...  Please note that because of your ineptitude our broker Gobo is dead, along with two of our dogs.  Our axedwarf may never hold a shield again, as now his hand is zombafied.  In the future, such a important position as yours will be watched with the upmost care to ensure your priorites are correct.  I hope you like being babysat.

    Your embarassed overseer,
  McFacepalmer

edit:
P.S.  When you do it a second time, make sure our farmers are not collecting herbs nearby.they could fall in and snap their necks too late

[Urist_McDrowner]

Dear Urists (note the plural), McNoSkills.


We had a good run, you and I. However, you 60 people with only dabbling skills, I just can't find work for. So I'm going to fill all workshops with orders, plant more seeds, and give mining orders and whatnot, and after 2 minutes whichever of you derps are still doing nothing, I swear I'll dump you in the moat and screw tantrum spirals.

[orius]

Dear Urist McStockpileDrone

I just found a barrel which contained a wheelbarrow. Inside the wheelbarrow was another barrel. I don't even understand how that is possible.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If this was some sort of joke, mission accomplished. If not, please seek professional pyciatric help, and possibly a new line of work.

Signed,
Your Very Confused Overseer,
Joben

How did the wheelbarrow end up being stored in the barrel?

I'm guessing the dwarves were storing stuff in a coke stockpile, and the wheelbarrow was put there because it had some charcoal among other things.  But that doesn't explain the outer barrel, since coke is stored in bins.

No matter how it happened, it's still fucking hilarious.

[Sus]

I just found a barrel which contained a wheelbarrow. Inside the wheelbarrow was another barrel. I don't even understand how that is possible.

What.

Now if only there was some way to exploit this for a Dwarven Bag of Holding... 

[wizard12]

Dear Urist Mc'Expert'Axedwarf

When the spring time migrant wave arrived, I was not impressed to see that the mountain homes had sent me a lowly peasant to help my foundling fort. However, upon closer inspection I found you to be an epic hero. An expert axedwarf with 287 (!!) kills to your name. I had my suspicions of vampirism, but I still made you the commander of the new fort militia, hoping you'd train them all to be great killers.

Now I admit, I don't know how that axe got there and in your defence, my metal industry hadn't been set up to make axes for you so I understand your desire to go get that axe. However, it is not acceptable to be killed by A FUCKING CAPYBARA! DUDE, seriously, those things are just overgrown, fucking HAMSTERS! How in Armok's name did this thing drag you into the water and stun you long enough for you to DROWN! The side of the marsh was RIGHT THERE, all you had to do was climb out but noooo... you had to try and punch the cute little thing to death underwater.

You will not get a tomb... at all. I don't care if your ghost comes back to haunt us. You're a laughing stock, a fool. As such, you will be left to rot... forever.

Having hamster issues...
Your overseer with a new found hatred of capybaras.

PS (edit): Upon even further inspection I actually found you were a hammer dwarf... so I have one question... why? Why did you go for that axe when we have a dedicated axe squad waiting for weapons? Why... just... why...