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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1553366 times)

Someguyfromcrowd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4110 on: July 26, 2012, 11:08:14 am »

Dear Urist McImmigrant:

My population was 18. Why did you need to spontaneously lead 33 of your friends in to idle in my meeting room?
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I built a dwarf fortress and all I got was this lousy zombie invasion.

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4111 on: July 26, 2012, 02:44:01 pm »

Dear fellow overseer,
I can't help but notice some issues you have.
A. Ammo is an issue that dwarves have especially when combined with
B. Uniform issues. Hunters have a uniform (leather armor, crossbow, quiver, bolts), and militiadwarves have a uniform (varies). Dwarves can only wear one uniform at a time.
C. Dwarves may not realize they can't eat ogres until they've killed them, and they don't think that they're a danger until it's too late, AND it's possible that something else was attracting the dwarves.
Yeah, I've been using a number of the workarounds to get them to reload, like moving them off the walls briefly to wake 'em up and resupply, things like that.  Regarding the uniforms, I'd recently started separating hunting and marksdwarving so that might be why I'm having less uniform issues, since they're not allowed to hunt anymore.  I use dedicated hunters for that.

The ogre wasn't what they were after, but the 3 of 'em hanging around the locked door to the caverns were going to slaughter them.  The problem was I'd only exposed a portion of the cavern but they could see something tasty, so I was getting a billion messages of 'can't find path'... though I got those even with the door unlocked too until I was finally able to map the cavern.

Quote
Hm...How reasonable would it be for dwarves to add blades to the sides of a crossbow to make a crude axe?
Sounds wonderfully dwarfy to me.

Babies don't drain resources (I think that dwarven ladies put their babies on their heads when they can't carry them), and children do such useful tasks as hauling and harvesting plants. If you feel like cheating, you can use DT to assign the kids more labors. Killing kids leads to tantrum spirals. Tantrum spirals lead to destruction. Destruction leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Well, yes and no.  The babies eventually become kids for 10 years who try to eat and drink me out of house and home, but that's not really the huge issue.  I've got TONS of food and booze.  My biggest complaint about these infants is I'm constantly spammed with messages of 'seeking infant' because they refuse to crib the little brats, and I've got a ton of hauling that needs doing and the kids really aren't helping out much, if any.

However, if I was going to assist these children into oblivion, I've got two pet Forgotten Beasts in the first cavern.  Infant, mother, father, aunt, third cousin twice removed... EVERYBODY gets to go see the exhibit.   :)  They can go made in white linen trying to wrestle a pair of FBs.

GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4112 on: July 26, 2012, 03:44:11 pm »

Hey, that was me! Not you, me!

Quote from: QanderingKid
Quote from: Me
Babies don't drain resources (I think that dwarven ladies put their babies on their heads when they can't carry them), and children do such useful tasks as hauling and harvesting plants. If you feel like cheating, you can use DT to assign the kids more labors. Killing kids leads to tantrum spirals. Tantrum spirals lead to destruction. Destruction leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Well, yes and no.  The babies eventually become kids for 10 years who try to eat and drink me out of house and home, but that's not really the huge issue.  I've got TONS of food and booze.  My biggest complaint about these infants is I'm constantly spammed with messages of 'seeking infant' because they refuse to crib the little brats, and I've got a ton of hauling that needs doing and the kids really aren't helping out much, if any.
...How are the babies getting separated?
And that sucks about the kids. Mine usually haul some, at least.

Quote from: WK
However, if I was going to assist these children into oblivion, I've got two pet Forgotten Beasts in the first cavern.  Infant, mother, father, aunt, third cousin twice removed... EVERYBODY gets to go see the exhibit.   :)  They can go made in white linen trying to wrestle a pair of FBs.
Again...
Killing kids leads to tantrum spirals. Tantrum spirals lead to destruction. Destruction leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
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[GreatWyrmGold] gets a little crown. May it forever be his mark of Cain; let no one argue pointless subjects with him lest they receive the same.

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4113 on: July 26, 2012, 08:11:43 pm »

Hey, that was me! Not you, me!
WHOOPS!  LOL, sorry bout that.

Quote from: GreatWyrmGold
...How are the babies getting separated?
You know, I have no clue.  They wander off from my crafters as often as they seem to wander off from my haulers.

Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4114 on: July 27, 2012, 12:28:06 am »

Dear Miners of Submergedboots,
  As the local cavern wildlife is wont to do, a particular specimen of Amphibious Gigantus bumrushed the opening you created in the caverns while digging a well.
  While most of you were running and screaming like drunken ninnies, one Erib McMiner (maiden name: Clublancers) met it head-on and punched it in the back of the throat, which ended with her contracting a condition called 'Handus Offus.'
  And while you guys watched from the top of the stairs, she proclaimed it to be naught but a flesh wound and proceeded to kill the toad with her pick and the stump of her right arm. Then sat down, had a breather, and went back to work without so much as a diagnosis.
  She just earned herself for fort's first masterwork cabinet. The rest of you dwarves don't have half the beard she does. Take notes and get the heck back to work.
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Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4115 on: July 27, 2012, 02:15:48 am »

Dear Elves of The Zephyr of Stokers,
  I do love the materials you bring for me to turn into cloaks for the militia. But 'head hair' from pandas and moose isn't all that valuable, especially when it appears to have reanimated on the journey.
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Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4116 on: July 27, 2012, 04:52:53 pm »

Quote from: GreatWyrmGold
...How are the babies getting separated?
You know, I have no clue.  They wander off from my crafters as often as they seem to wander off from my haulers.

To expand on this, I'm hoping someone can explain to me why my babies appear to be coated in axel grease...


Slayerhero90

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4117 on: July 27, 2012, 05:14:11 pm »

To expand on this, I'm hoping someone can explain to me why my babies appear to be coated in axel grease...

Do I need to ask to sig?
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WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4118 on: July 27, 2012, 05:20:49 pm »

To expand on this, I'm hoping someone can explain to me why my babies appear to be coated in axel grease...

Do I need to ask to sig?

LOL, nope, go for it. :)

Blucher

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4119 on: July 31, 2012, 02:45:42 pm »

Dear Tun (Champion Spearmaster),

I must admit that when you lost your arm as a raw recruit fighting a giant tick, I was less than sanguine about your future as a soldier here at Lifeabbey. In all honesty, it would not be an exaggeration to say that I worried for your continued survival (as the tomb I had commissioned for you at the time would indicate).

You can imagine my sense of pleasant surprise when you not only admirably overcame your disability with dwarven aplomb, becoming a legendary spearmaster, but also amassed nearly eighty notable kills in addition to many other less remarkable victories over the course of your illustrious career.

You, the sole surviving member of your graduating class and longest-serving and most highly decorated of our military, are a pillar of the fortress and a true exemplar of the dwarven race.

Continue kicking ass.

Sincerely,
The Management
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Samoorai

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4120 on: August 01, 2012, 10:58:12 pm »

Dear fortress population,

 I can't help but notice one of you has died from thirst, and many more of you seem to be heading in that direction. May I ask what is wrong with our fine selection of dwarven alcohol? Would you rather drink the filthy water from the river? The one that's outside our nice secure fortress, frozen over and currently guarded by goblin marksmen? The ones that will slaughter our unarmored military before they can get close? DRINK THE GODDAMN BOOZE! YOU'RE DWARVES! ACT LIKE IT!

 - Overseer.


Seriously, why is this an issue?
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Seriously, there could not have been a more appropriate end to the saga of Boatmurdered than a gigantic flaming apocalypse for no apparent reason. -- StarkRavingMad

Ria Hawk

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4121 on: August 01, 2012, 11:25:21 pm »

Are your booze stockpiles restricted or are your dwarves wounded? That could do it, couldn't it?
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Samoorai

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4122 on: August 02, 2012, 01:55:10 am »

Nope, wasn't that at all. Free and open booze stores, and no wounded.
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Behold my mighty fortress! Go on, I dare you! (40d)
But Roadhouse is a true masterpiece. Seriously.

Seriously, there could not have been a more appropriate end to the saga of Boatmurdered than a gigantic flaming apocalypse for no apparent reason. -- StarkRavingMad

crazysheep

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4123 on: August 02, 2012, 02:33:48 am »

Dwarves need water to clean themselves, if you want them to stop running to the river, build them a well and that should get them to use it.
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Akivara

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4124 on: August 02, 2012, 03:22:29 am »

Dear Urist McFortressGuard,

Violating a production order is not a good reason to beat people to death.
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