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[WaffleEggnog]

Dear Urist McHauler and Urist McBrewer

Ok....... We are out of booze because of you two....... It starts with you, Urist McHauler, what you do is you dont collect our plump helmets, and when you do, you bring the whole barrel, preventing Urist McBrewer here form making any booze! Not only that, but you do the same with seeds preventing us from planting more plump helmets! Man, you gotta clean up your act, fast, or your going were all those vanished babies went.

And you, Urist McBrewer, your not of the hook yet. We have literaly a million barrels, literaly, we have 2 legendary metalsmiths and two legendary carpenders pumping out abrrels by the ton, but when your not eating, drinking, sleeping or on break, there is aperently "no food storage item". I know what your going to say, "It was the Haulers, they used the berrels", well i say to you, just say no, take those barrels, though you shouldent have to, because we have 8000 metric tons of them. Get the booze or get to the magma.

From; The voice in your head.

[ElenaRoan]

Dear Urist McAxedwarf,

Good grief.  When I got the announcement of the giantess arriving I sent the whole three of you to take care of her fully expecting to possibly get only the captain back as I'd skipped making copper/iron/steel weapons and armour, deciding to go strait to adamantine not realising how slow the process was so only the captain was fully kitted out.  When you outraced your companians to the giantess, who had just finished taking apart that trader who was sitting on the edge of the map for some unknown reason, with only your adamantine axe and helm I was expecting you to at least land in the hospital.  I was surprised when first the giantess tried to run then very quickly stopped being in one place, checking the report revealed that you had chopped off her arms and legs before planting your axe in her chest and she didn't get to land even one hit.

- Amazed and not sure if she just lucked out

[Syuviel]

Dear Dwarves of Merchantsacks

That channel rapidly filling with red stuff? That's the magma channel. It's a channel for magma. I've designated it as restricted, and designated a traffic area that is notably less likely to melt your faces off. Please use it while you haul the melted bodies of the haulers who got melted while hauling melted haulers through the channel.

~Love, the benevolent voice that resonates in your pathetic little skulls.


P.S. Stop going mad.



Dear Vampire,

Not right now, i'm busy. You'll notice, i'm busy playing with magma. I'd like to weaponize you, so i'd rather not have to send the militia after you, so just please step into your room, so i can lock the door.

[WanderingKid]

Dear "Legendary Weaponsmith" Avedrimtar... Mayor of Channeltools.

Up until this moment, you've been reasonable.  Make a few bucklers, don't sell doors.  Okay, we're fine there.

Now, you want a Bismuth Bronze door in your dining room.  First, I'm trying to decide how you even know they exist.  Second, even though I have a magma vent and a full-bore Magma fueled operation ready to go, in case you haven't noticed, we've been having a little trouble finding metal ore veins.  In particular, the necessary components for Bronze, nevermind Bismuth Bronze.

So don't take this the wrong way when I start preparing the magma pump stack to warm your room.  You twit.  We can't even armor the frickin' military.

- Your (no longer) benevelant overlord.

For the curious, my DFHack of Ores for the entire embark:

Code: [Select]

Ores:
             TETRAHEDRITE :      3946 Z:  85..104
                   GALENA :       781 Z:  98..123
                MALACHITE :       570 Z:  98..104
             BISMUTHINITE :        38 Z:  85..90
               SPHALERITE :         1 Z: 122


[Reudh]

Dear "Legendary Weaponsmith" Avedrimtar... Mayor of Channeltools.

Up until this moment, you've been reasonable.  Make a few bucklers, don't sell doors.  Okay, we're fine there.

Now, you want a Bismuth Bronze door in your dining room.  First, I'm trying to decide how you even know they exist.  Second, even though I have a magma vent and a full-bore Magma fueled operation ready to go, in case you haven't noticed, we've been having a little trouble finding metal ore veins.  In particular, the necessary components for Bronze, nevermind Bismuth Bronze.

So don't take this the wrong way when I start preparing the magma pump stack to warm your room.  You twit.  We can't even armor the frickin' military.

- Your (no longer) benevelant overlord.

For the curious, my DFHack of Ores for the entire embark:

Code: [Select]

Ores:
             TETRAHEDRITE :      3946 Z:  85..104
                   GALENA :       781 Z:  98..123
                MALACHITE :       570 Z:  98..104
             BISMUTHINITE :        38 Z:  85..90
               SPHALERITE :         1 Z: 122


You better hope you like copper. :3

[Kongquistador]

Dear Urist McAdeptAxedwarf:

When you're wandering through the caverns on your way back from a troglodyte murder spree, you would reasonably be surprised when a tree suddenly springs into existence in front of you, barring your way which was open only moments ago.  Yeah, that's weird.  But after you've taken a moment, you could turn around.  Now, it would admittedly be way more surprising to find that a tree has suddenly appeared behind you, and you're stuck in the tunnel back to base with only a cave spider for company. 

Look, ok, I understand this was wacky and unexpected.  Take a few and just breath.   But then consider self-help.  Step one would be to let someone know about your situation.   "Hey guys, I'm stuck" would do nicely.  Then, your axe.  =Steel Axe= + fungiwood = *freedom*. It will keep you from dying of thirst as your buddies are up on the surface massacring goblin bowmen while they wonder where their friend is.  As it is, you're dead. 

Your grave will read,

"Promising killer, rendered in frieze.
Couldn't see the fortress for the trees"

[Joben]

Dear Urist McCrafter

Please find enclosed the bill for Urist McInjuredHero's extended hospital stay. This is what you get for not making me a traction bench like I asked. I know you said you couldn't find a chain or a rope, but I'm not buying it. We had 6 perfectly good unused ropes in our stockpile, and I had 4 new ones made when you wouldn't use those.

I wish I could say this was the was the only time you have demonstrated this level of incompetence. It was not long after that you refused to encrust some finished goods with stone because you "could not find Diorite."

Urist, that is absurd. Our entire fortress is carved into diorite. There were three stockpiles containing it within 20 paces of your workshop. There is so much of it around that I've had to tell people to stop hauling it because they were not doing anything else. It's impossible to walk down a hallway without tripping over piles of it.

One more such incident and you will find your bed moved to the apiary.

Sincerely,
The Supervisor.

[misko27]

Maybe he refers to cut diorite?

[Joben]

Ahhhh!! That might be it, I'll try that.

[misko27]

For the stockpiles it might be that there set to give to a workshop, it gives only to that workshop. Or it could be burrows, or, hell, It could be alot of things.

[Lagslayer]

Dear "Legendary Weaponsmith" Avedrimtar... Mayor of Channeltools.

Up until this moment, you've been reasonable.  Make a few bucklers, don't sell doors.  Okay, we're fine there.

Now, you want a Bismuth Bronze door in your dining room.  First, I'm trying to decide how you even know they exist.  Second, even though I have a magma vent and a full-bore Magma fueled operation ready to go, in case you haven't noticed, we've been having a little trouble finding metal ore veins.  In particular, the necessary components for Bronze, nevermind Bismuth Bronze.

So don't take this the wrong way when I start preparing the magma pump stack to warm your room.  You twit.  We can't even armor the frickin' military.

- Your (no longer) benevelant overlord.

For the curious, my DFHack of Ores for the entire embark:

Code: [Select]

Ores:
             TETRAHEDRITE :      3946 Z:  85..104
                   GALENA :       781 Z:  98..123
                MALACHITE :       570 Z:  98..104
             BISMUTHINITE :        38 Z:  85..90
               SPHALERITE :         1 Z: 122


You better hope you like copper. :3

1 sphalerite?

[misko27]

Dear Urist McAxedwarf,

Good grief.  When I got the announcement of the giantess arriving I sent the whole three of you to take care of her fully expecting to possibly get only the captain back as I'd skipped making copper/iron/steel weapons and armour, deciding to go strait to adamantine not realising how slow the process was so only the captain was fully kitted out.  When you outraced your companians to the giantess, who had just finished taking apart that trader who was sitting on the edge of the map for some unknown reason, with only your adamantine axe and helm I was expecting you to at least land in the hospital.  I was surprised when first the giantess tried to run then very quickly stopped being in one place, checking the report revealed that you had chopped off her arms and legs before planting your axe in her chest and she didn't get to land even one hit.

- Amazed and not sure if she just lucked out

No, sounds perfectly reasonable. A dwarf taking out a giant without too much armor, standard. What was her skill level?

[poothoottoot]

Dear UristMcFishcleanernowdabblingswimmer,

While I appreciate you taking the seed barrel out to collect some seeds did you have to swim across the river and leave it on the other side before swimming back across the river empty handed. Then you had the guts to complain to me about swimming in the river being dangerous. I decided our only plump helmet seeds you unwittingly lost needed reclaiming and built a bridge across the river. Little did I know you would dwarf up and swim across the river to retrieve the seeds and bring them back safely. Good job but next time don't get them stuck over there in the first place.

Sincerely your confuzeled master.

[Corai]

Dear merchants,

WHY would I EVER need a steel minecart? Why? It is only the first year, the 1500 urists you spent getting that could had been spent on getting something I would pay for. Like maybe food and booze?

Sincerly, the all seeing overseer.

[Firehawk45]

Dear merchants,

WHY would I EVER need a steel minecart? Why? It is only the first year, the 1500 urists you spent getting that could had been spent on getting something I would pay for. Like maybe food and booze?

Sincerly, the all seeing overseer.

Dear Overseer,

This minecart has more kills then every other weapon in the mountainhomes. Considering the tendency of our outposts to be attacked by many foul creatures, we thought that you would want such a great weapon to defend yourselve. Please consider telling the liasion about your needs, so we can serve them better.

Sincerely,
the merchants