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[tahujdt]

Dear Kobolds
Please, just stay away, we're tired of chasing you off our lawn every day.  Next time we might just make it a !!Lawn!! 

Never.

Love, your favorite thief.

Dear Corai,

Please note the watchtowers every twenty urists or so around the outer wall. Please also note the marksdwarves stationed inside said towers. Please also notice the rotting kobold skeletons around said towers. Please note, in addition, that we have nothing of value stockpiled anywhere near the surface. In conclusion, please also note that the bolt sticking out of your leg that this letter is attached to is not even worth stealing.

Sincerely, the digbeard wielding a crossbow.

[Gamerboy4life]

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

[Monk321654]

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

'Dear' Overseer of this fortress,
It appears to use that these wooden goods have been obtained through the murder of our beloved trees. If you need wooden goods, you ask the trees kindly, don't reasonlylessly attack them. Consider growth of heart. Among other things...

Sincerely, Elven Traders.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

'Dear' Overseer of this fortress,
It appears to use that these wooden goods have been obtained through the murder of our beloved trees. If you need wooden goods, you ask the trees kindly, don't reasonlylessly attack them. Consider growth of heart. Among other things...

Sincerely, Elven Traders.

Dear Insane Bat-Ears

This is, in fact, one of the bins that YOU SOLD US LAST YEAR. Kindly Consider Logic of brain _{and pitchfork up ass}

[misko27]

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

'Dear' Overseer of this fortress,
It appears to use that these wooden goods have been obtained through the murder of our beloved trees. If you need wooden goods, you ask the trees kindly, don't reasonlylessly attack them. Consider growth of heart. Among other things...

Sincerely, Elven Traders.

Dear Insane Bat-Ears

This is, in fact, one of the bins that YOU SOLD US LAST YEAR. Kindly Consider Logic of brain _{and pitchfork up ass}

Can you prove it? Do you have a god-damned receipt? I thought not.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

'Dear' Overseer of this fortress,
It appears to use that these wooden goods have been obtained through the murder of our beloved trees. If you need wooden goods, you ask the trees kindly, don't reasonlylessly attack them. Consider growth of heart. Among other things...

Sincerely, Elven Traders.

Dear Insane Bat-Ears

This is, in fact, one of the bins that YOU SOLD US LAST YEAR. Kindly Consider Logic of brain _{and pitchfork up ass}

Can you prove it? Do you have a god-damned receipt? I thought not.

Dear Fertilizer,

If you can't be arsed to tell the difference between your own craftsmanship and a foreign one, what the hell are you doing trading? Obviously you have absolutely no skill for appraising things. Say, are you as flamable as your beloved trees? We have ways of finding out.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Snugbo,

Where are your goblin friends? After the sudden death retirement of your ambush parties you seem reluctant to donate metal to Silentthunders. What's the wait?

Yours faithfully,
~Overseer.

We're still at the party I started back on page 251. Want to join? Bring your own refreshments, we're almost out. (You might want to bring some elves, too, so the dragons don't mistake YOU for refreshments.)
Sincerely,
Snugbo, newly appointed Head of Parties.

Dear Elven caravan.

You are selling us wooden logs, items in wooden bins, etc.

Do not flip a shit when I offer to sell you something in a wooden bin.

Hypocrites.

Signed: The overseer who just blocked the entrance to the trade depot. Have fun starving.

'Dear' Overseer of this fortress,
It appears to use that these wooden goods have been obtained through the murder of our beloved trees. If you need wooden goods, you ask the trees kindly, don't reasonlylessly attack them. Consider growth of heart. Among other things...

Sincerely, Elven Traders.

Dear Insane Bat-Ears

This is, in fact, one of the bins that YOU SOLD US LAST YEAR. Kindly Consider Logic of brain _{and pitchfork up ass}

Can you prove it? Do you have a god-damned receipt? I thought not.

Dear elves,
You wouldn't give us one because of how many trees are killed to make paper.
Sincerely,
Dwarf McAccountant.
P.S. You could always try the eco-friendly "Stone Slabs" receipts we dwarves have.

[Silent_Thunder]

Dear Snugbo,

Where are your goblin friends? After the sudden death retirement of your ambush parties you seem reluctant to donate metal to Silentthunders. What's the wait?

Yours faithfully,
~Overseer.

Woah what? I would request you donate that fort to me. For obvious reasons.

[Hanslanda]

Dear Hanslanda the human soldier

You have a sword for a reason. While I understand Girlinhat made a nice cedar shield, that's no excuse to dawdle beating the thing with it.

Do your damn job right, and for god's sake, spit that damn leg out! Ellzo is a 104 year old woman, who happens to murder things for a living, but even she thinks walking around with a grasshopper man's leg in your mouth is wrong.

Sighned, The overseer.

Dear Overseer,
Mmmphhm mmmph. Hmmph hmm hmm hmph.
Signed, Hanslanda
P.S. I like the shield more. The spatter of brain matter on the sworls of the wood is pleasing to me.

[Corai]

Dear Hanslanda the dwarven child,


Thank you for letting that rhino chase you while the important dwarves escaped underground. Hopefully the soldiers reach you in time.



Love, your kobold overseer.

[Syuviel]

Dear Elves,

I've noticed that you have ceased bringing me tameable creatures of any use, and instead have begun bringing me giant cockroaches. this has been going on for three years now, and you're holding up the growth of my military might. You have two years to bring me a breeding pair of animals that can be drafted into my military, before i begin using you to test the danger room I'm constructing.

Love, the impatient management of Merchantsacks.

[Loud Whispers]

Woah what? I would request you donate that fort to me. For obvious reasons.

It's undergoing a quasi-secret not so well kept megaproject, which is why for now, no save shall be released sadly.

[Firehawk45]

Dear Forces of stranglers,

You have been attacking my fort  for quite some time now. As you might have seen, the entrance to my Fort is defended by three really grim looking golems, which you cant kill by punching them, they will punch back, and that hurts.
You may have also noticed that there are no remains of your previous attacks. What can i say, my dwarfs picked up a certain liking for your flesh and your inards, and the merchants like the crafts made from your bones. Not to speak of your blood, which gets sacrificed to Armok, who gives me nice things for it.
So, by all means, continue.

Firehawk, Ruler of the Masterwork Fortress "Townswound"

Dear Goblins,

Where are you? I havent seen you for quite some time now.... In fact, not at all in this fortress. And i thought you enjoyed our partys?

[Syuviel]

Dear Baron Mcfraidydorf,

I realize that giant, scaled, firebreathing, goat deities are scary, however this one is a diplomat from the human civilization, and I'd like not to piss off the hoomans until i have a good set of war animals.


Dear Hooman civilization,

Why? why everything. Why did your caravan come with nothing but cheese, anvils, sand, and clay? Why did you bring a terrifying goatgod with you? Why did you insist on taking your wagons the long way around to get inside?

~The perpetually irritated voice in the sky.

[misko27]

Dear Hooman civilization,

Why? why everything. Why did your caravan come with nothing but cheese, anvils, sand, and clay? Why did you bring a terrifying goatgod with you? Why did you insist on taking your wagons the long way around to get inside?

~The perpetually irritated voice in the sky.

Dear Irritated voice,
Why not?
Humans
 Also, it isnt a god, its a demon who tricked the humans into thinking it was a god. They're stupid, you're not, know the difference.