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[Andux]

As for your other suggestions the adamantine toilet paper was already invented I'm afraid.  Although extremely effective the pain and mutilation inflicted on the first test subject caused all the investors to stop their funding.

The Cheese Maker loses hold of the +adamantine bathroom tissue+.
The flying +adamantine bathroom tissue+ strikes The Cheese Maker in the lower body from behind and the severed part sails off in an arc!
Urist McButterfingers, Cheese Maker has been struck down.

[Meta The Golem]

here i built you a zoo so you can look at the pretty peregrine falcon people, maybe i can seal most of you in when i unlock the cages with quantum mechanics

[Meta The Golem]

dear expedition leader, WHY HAVE YOU NEGLECTED YOUR DUTIES AS CHIEF MEDICAL DWARF? WE HAVE THREE FUCKING DOCTORS AND NONE OF THEM HAVE CHECKED UP ON THAT POOR MINER, who by the way, LOST HIS FUCKING ARM, i am SURE i have made a couple of crutches so PLEASE for the love of god check up on him!


sincerely your very angry force

[Meta The Golem]

great, my miner just made a flood gate out of shale, decorating it with cushion cut cabadones made out of shale and gypsum, along with horse bones decorating it and then there are the rings of giant toad bone hanging from it, good job, you get a one way ticket to Death resort!

[Meta The Golem]

dear migrants, finally i can select the new mayor

[Splint]

Dear human soldiers of Shockedtowns

The 1st company squad is already at axelord status, hurry the hell up or no armor for the rest of you!

[GreatWyrmGold]

great, my miner just made a flood gate out of shale, decorating it with cushion cut cabadones made out of shale and gypsum, along with horse bones decorating it and then there are the rings of giant toad bone hanging from it, good job, you get a one way ticket to Death resort!

Dear Overseer Meta, don't you see how useful it is? Put it in a noble's room or something. He'll be ecstatic until you flood it.
Sincerely,
Urist Mc(NowLegendary)Miner.

[Meta The Golem]

dear "legendary" miner, please step in to this luxurious room made entirely out of copper
yes but i just had a better i idea, i'm gonna build a room for the exact purpose of making fall into the underground lake to drown you
____________________________________________________________________________

oh Armonk the traders just came over, listen get in there and don't touch ANYTHING until you hear the click
and please don't go into another mood

[Splint]

Dear Wrestlers of Shockedtowns,

Please refrain from killing eachother. I know you don't have helmets but that's no excuse to throw a squadmate into the wall headfirst to his death. His little brother was quite upset by this development. Not only that, but you idiots have managed to break not only your sergeant's ribs last year, but you shattered his hand this year! None of you guys had grudges, so why the hell do you keep insiting on breaking his bones? Jesus. If you idiots quit it I'll get some leather armor made to coushin your throws, but that's it until you become elite limb-snapping practitioners.

[oven_baked]

Dear Miners:
I know the old terrible dining room with two seats is OK, But it might be sensible to start digging out the new massive legendary hall which can fit the entire fort 4x over?

Dear Haulers:
I agree hauling stone to build walls isn't fun; but neither is having your arms ripped off by goblins!

Dear masons:
While the Haulers may be slaking off that doesn't give you the excuse to go on break permanently. May I remind you; We have a pit fall of goblins and they are quiet hungry! 

[Babylon]

Dear Miners:
I know the old terrible dining room with two seats is OK, But it might be sensible to start digging out the new massive legendary hall which can fit the entire fort 4x over?

Dear Haulers:
I agree hauling stone to build walls isn't fun; but neither is having your arms ripped off by goblins!

Dear masons:
While the Haulers may be slaking off that doesn't give you the excuse to go on break permanently. May I remind you; We have a pit fall of goblins and they are quiet hungry! 

Now we know you are bluffing.  Goblins have [NO_EAT]

Urist McMason.

[petebull]

Dear Miners:
I know the old terrible dining room with two seats is OK, But it might be sensible to start digging out the new massive legendary hall which can fit the entire fort 4x over?

Use burrows, but watch them, while they could sleep on the floor, they should drink and eat when they need to

Dear Haulers:
I agree hauling stone to build walls isn't fun; but neither is having your arms ripped off by goblins!

Use blocks. Or minecarts. Or both

[Garath]

dear "legendary" miner, please step in to this luxurious room made entirely out of copper
yes but i just had a better i idea, i'm gonna build a room for the exact purpose of making fall into the underground lake to drown you
____________________________________________________________________________

oh Armonk the traders just came over, listen get in there and don't touch ANYTHING until you hear the click
and please don't go into another mood

from: the Mountainhomes
to: Meta

please investigate included documents. These being:
The usefullness and use of artifact buildings in military defence; attracting building destroyers.
('for dummies' edition)

and:
Thank Armok you made a usefull artifact and not a ring, amulet, scepter, earring, crown, toy, perfect gem or instrument.

[Sus]

from: the Mountainhomes
to: Meta

please investigate included documents. These being:
The usefullness and use of artifact buildings in military defence; attracting building destroyers.
('for dummies' edition)

and:
Thank Armok you made a usefull artifact and not a ring, amulet, scepter, earring, crown, toy, perfect gem or instrument.

This.
Also, an artifact floodgate is an easy way to make a safe water pipe into your reservoir.

[oven_baked]

Use blocks. Or minecarts. Or both

It is stone blocks and minecarts. It's just nobody wants to load the damn things and push them!
And goblin pits while they don't eat them they do a good job of killing them.