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[Hamsmagoo]

Dump the boulders!  Stop standing around and dump the fucking boulders!  For the love of fucking God, just dump the God-damn fucking boulders already!

[Count Dorku]

Dear dumpers:

Those things marked for dumping in what used to be a combination dump and refuse stockpile? Yeah. That's not a dump OR refuse stockpile any more. So please frakking dump them. I want those partial goblin skeletons atomsmashed yesterday!

Yours sincerely

Dorku McOverseer

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear shambling corpses of the dwarves, dogs, cats, etc, of The Barricaded Orbs, founders of Evilringed:
Well, then. Would you mind not mauling me and leaving this note here? Thanks.

Dear future settlers of Evilringed,
I wanted to see what an embark on not one, not two, but three separate evil biomes would be like. You all got all feverish and stuff from the foul slime that rained from the sky. (At least you didn't get into that horrid muck--judging by its effects on the local little penguins, you would have been lying in the snow, screaming in pain.) Silly me decided that I might as well set up a hospital, for some diagnosing help.

Nope.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU decided to take a nap on the (snowy, icey, foul slime-ey) ground, to last until you were diagnosed. There was no one awake to diagnose you, except helpful Dr. Skirtglided the Assaulted Order the Muskox Corpse, who killed six of you, before Nurse Fearbites, a.k.a. one of your corpses, finished off the miner, who was awakened at last by the zombies (a couple dwarves, a couple dogs, and Skirtglided itself) before Fearbites killed him.

You. Are. All. Fucking. Idiots.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

P.S. Any living dwarves who find this note, please consider the advice carefully.

[Sus]

Dear siege operators,

Those goddamn goblins are ten Urists away and behind two rows of fortifications. They have no way of getting to you unless they take the trade depot which you, incidentally, are defending. Now keep calm and carry on.
Also, if you find it absolutely imperative to panic and drop the ballista arrow mid-reload, could you please at least not haul it back to the stockpile and reload with the piece of ammo furthest away from the ballista?

Stiff upper lip shall carry the day,
Your bloody overseer, pip pip, cheerio!

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear surviving members of The Foolish Hope, reclaim party:
I am sorry for being ignorant of...no, I'm not going to play that game. I knew fully well that those zombies wouldn't stop with the dwarves, and that they'd leave corpses strewn everywhere. All I hadn't expected was for Skirtglided and Fearbites to be hiding in the nearby wilderness, and for that cat skeleton to spring to unlife so fast. Oh, and the dwarf skeleton with no torso, that was weird.
Point is, I'm sorry I sent you here. Congrats, former miner, farmer, mechanic. Despite not being able to get to weapons or even a trusty pick, you fought valiently. One of you even killed an undead dwarf who had killed some of your own. (Someone else killed a few zombie cats and that wierd torsoless thing, but he's dead now. May his spirit rest in piece.) Point is, take down as many of these things as you can with you.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

-----

"Dear" spirits of The Barricaded Orbs,
WTF? Why did you do this? You lead to the death of seven more dwarves, who would have come to a relatively functioning fortress if you hadn't decided to nap in wait for an imaginary doctor to take care of your little fevers.
Ugh.

[Hanslanda]

Dear Urist McTraderMigrant,

Go fuck yourself, and step ONE SPACE TO THE RIGHT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.  I'm seriously considering excessive application of magma at this point, and it would be extremely EASY TO MAGMA YOUR ASS.  One channel, and then we'd all be having *Urist McTrader Roast* with a side order of blood steam.

Sincerely,
Hans Landa.

Oh, nevermind, you got brutally murdered by goblins.  Now I have to magma the goblins for catharsis.  Something is dying by magma, I already built the channel.

[bmaczero]

Dear Urist McMayor,

Words cannot express the grief I felt at your passing at the hands of that ambush of bow-goblins.  I'm not sure what you and those 20-odd other dwarves were doing out on the exposed surface of the forges under construction over the mouth of our volcano, or why you all insisted on running back and forth in a panic instead of retreating into the designate burrow while the goblins unloaded their quivers at you.  But it may be said that your selfless sacrifice saved many other dwarven lives that day, for though you were the first to fall, you refused to die for many minutes, forcing the goblins to use up nearly two pages of bolts on you.  You are a boss.

Sincerely,
Me

[Bartinyou]

Dear Urist Mcmayor,

I know you love puzzleboxes, a lot apparently.  Two stonecrafters working for 2 months straight have reached legendary status in stonecrafting and have still yet to produce a single puzzlebox.  Please don't kill 6 dwarfs like the baroness saw fit to do.

PS Those dwarfs get a waterfall in their jail cell, you are probably going to get a magma fall if you keep it up.

[Garath]

do you actually tell them to make toys or crafts?

[Darkening Kaos]

Can anybody else feel the ....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

... coming?

[Bartinyou]

do you actually tell them to make toys or crafts?

I have about 100 toy hammers and 40 or so toy boats sitting in crates in my finished goods stockpile, 0 puzzle boxes.

[Garath]

Can anybody else feel the ....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

... coming?

but it didn't!

[Darkening Kaos]

It was a close one.

[krg]

Dear Worldgen,

This is in regards to my fine fortress that I am running currently.

Why is cavern layer two located roughly at level 8, cavern layer 3 is at roughly level -10 and I didn't hit SMR until level -23?
I seriously would like to have a good source of magma around here somewhere, hopefully i will find it, but I don't have much hope for that. Anyway, when genning a random world, volcanoes are very welcome.

The one that tells you what to do, (to an extent)
Krg

FYI, if you mean z-level whatever, that's shallow. Most worlds are over 100 z-levels deep by the time they reach magma.

I started on level 129. ~150 levels and no magma. Haven't dug it all out yet though.

Is it me or are people getting less frustrated with dwarves lately? I see fewer posts about dwarves, and fewer that are about actual frustrations

They are getting used to it. Much like how we have gotten used to cubicles, and other forms of torture.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McMayor,
  We all have our peeves and pests, but... hamsters? Really?

Dear Urist McEngraver,
  ...Hamsters? Really?
Seriously, since you became legendary you have engraved things involving hamsters almost exclusively.
McMayor surrounded by hamsters. McMayor pleading before hamsters. Terrified by hamsters. Making a plaintive gesture in front of hamsters. Being attacked by hamsters. Or just hamsters on their own, but this was in his office. His walls are now made of hamster.

Although, when he demanded tables, and you immediately saw fit to go into a mood and created an artifact table featuring--guess what?--a hamster, I applaud your timing. And then immediately running up and engraving the wall of his office with an image of the time he got his arm broke? Classic.

I understand you must have beef, but you've made your point. Let off on that high note.