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[llasram]

Dear Urist McMinerslashsoldier,
I find it well that you need to sleep in your box of a bedroom, but please, dont do it when you have been told to explore the adamantium spire, it is delaying the entire fort from having a visit from the circus.
                                      Yours truly,
                                        The Uncaring Overlord

[Splint]

Dear worldgen

Can I just have a nice exposed caldera please? Your volcanos almost always needing to be sheer cliffs are leaving little room to move and this is making my animals kill eachother and a water buffalo just killed a medic.

Thank you.
Annoyed player.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McDesignatedDriver,

Nice job landing the wagon on top of that 1x1 spike of dirt, destroying it in the process.
I wonder, though, why you took your time after the wagon crash to build a towering pile of the surviving supplies (not that there were many) on top of said dirt spike.
Also, where's all the wood that used to be, you know, the actual wagon?

-'Sus' Fikodast, your (miraculously still living, considering the way you drive) Overseer

Tha wood be in splinters all around, sir! Anyhoo, don' blame me, tis the fault of the flock o' tame birds that dropped the wagon here! Ev'ryone knows that that's how tha wagons git placed!
Sincer'ly,
Urist McBirdHandler.

[Chiefwaffles]

Dear Urist McLegendaryEngraver,

Yeah, sure. You may of made a masterpiece while engraving a noble's room, but does it really have to be an elf tearing off a dwarf's ear? I mean, seriously.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

[MenacesWithSpikes]

Dear Urist McIExpectYouToClean,

When I turn off all your labors except Cleaning and stick you in a burrow named "Contamination," that means I expect you to clean.  See all that blood all over the main corridor on Z-level -1?  That's from our brave soldiers who recently defeated the flying Forgotten Beast with the poisonous vapors.  If anyone steps in that, their feet will start to rot off and bleed everywhere, which of course spreads the infection even more.  You may have also noted the dogs and cats who have recently exploded.  Our surgeons are overwhelmed.  Now get to work.

[GoldenShadow]

Dear Urist McIExpectYouToClean,

When I turn off all your labors except Cleaning and stick you in a burrow named "Contamination," that means I expect you to clean.  See all that blood all over the main corridor on Z-level -1?  That's from our brave soldiers who recently defeated the flying Forgotten Beast with the poisonous vapors.  If anyone steps in that, their feet will start to rot off and bleed everywhere, which of course spreads the infection even more.  You may have also noted the dogs and cats who have recently exploded.  Our surgeons are overwhelmed.  Now get to work.

Dear Overseer,

I'm not touching that yucky stuff. Just flood it with magma. Don't forget to unburrow me though!

[WillowLuman]

Dear Neros the Forgotten Beast

Thank you for committing clownslaughter! Didn't think one solid steel dust-spewing giant monster could take them all, but you did. Now please please don't come into my fort through the pumpstack

[Angel Of Death]

Dear fortress:

I know the zombies are scary. I know they will eat your flesh. BUT. There is NO excuse for not walling off the outside food supply WHICH FED THE ENTIRE GODDAMN FORTRESS. Oh, great, now your starved comrades are rising from the dead. If this letter gets to you before you all happen to off yourselves in moronc yet entertaining ways, abandon and come back to the mountainhomes.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Signed, your very, very pissed off overseer.

[Corai]

DearUristMcArtifactMan


I appreciate your works in the art, creating dozens of artifacts, but FOR ONCE, CAN YOU MAKE SOMETHING USEFUL. IM TIRED OF YOUR LARGE GEMS. NOW GO CRANK OUT A ADAMANITE MASTERWORK LONGSWORD.


Sincerely, Extremely pissed overseer

[mr_seeker]

Dear Captain of the Guard,

I gave you a crossbow with the soul purpose of beating people. Killing a guy by shooting him in the head is not part of a "beating". I know that he was throwing stuff at you, but now we have 3 little kids randomly throwing tantrums all over the place... - The Mayor


Dear Mc Dwarves,

When throwing tantrums, please avoid the Captain of the Guard. He was just recently promoted to "Elite Marksman" after shooting Urist Mc. Anger in the head during his tantrum, killing him on the spot. - The Mayor.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Elves

You are terminally stupid. Whose bright idea was it, that when preparing the cavalry, rejected Grizzly Bears, Giant Eagles, and Elephants in favor of Giant Sponges?

Dear Giant Sponges

How the hell can you possibly be "enraged" or even attack in the first place? You have no brain, no mind, no consciousness, nor even the ability to move, yet you get enraged and attempt to charge my citizens to savagely push them to death! At least, you're supposed to be immobile. I've seen you dodge out of the way of attacks before. It may be the only way you can move, but you shouldn't have ANY means of locomotion unless someone picks you up.

[Sus]

Dear Militia,

While I certainly appreciate your can-do spirit and confidence, trying to punch elephants to death is really not practical in any way.
Might I suggest you try using some of the finely crafted steel battle axes and silver war hammers we have in our stockpiles instead?

- Sus, Your Nonplussed Overlord.

[Captain Crazy]

Dear Elves

You are terminally stupid. Whose bright idea was it, that when preparing the cavalry, rejected Grizzly Bears, Giant Eagles, and Elephants in favor of Giant Sponges?

Dear Giant Sponges

How the hell can you possibly be "enraged" or even attack in the first place? You have no brain, no mind, no consciousness, nor even the ability to move, yet you get enraged and attempt to charge my citizens to savagely push them to death! At least, you're supposed to be immobile. I've seen you dodge out of the way of attacks before. It may be the only way you can move, but you shouldn't have ANY means of locomotion unless someone picks you up.

deer ov er seer

i am giant sponge. we have met. i dodge because i hate. i push because i hate. i have no brain. but i hate. i hate all.

i hate all. aminals, i hate. gophers, i hate. dwarfs, i hate hate hate. i push them. i PUSH them. until they dont b reathe anymore. they cut me. i dont feel their sticks. i dont need to feel. i dont need brain.

yours truly
giant sponge

[EmeraldWind]

Dear Elves

You are terminally stupid. Whose bright idea was it, that when preparing the cavalry, rejected Grizzly Bears, Giant Eagles, and Elephants in favor of Giant Sponges?

Dear Giant Sponges

How the hell can you possibly be "enraged" or even attack in the first place? You have no brain, no mind, no consciousness, nor even the ability to move, yet you get enraged and attempt to charge my citizens to savagely push them to death! At least, you're supposed to be immobile. I've seen you dodge out of the way of attacks before. It may be the only way you can move, but you shouldn't have ANY means of locomotion unless someone picks you up.

deer ov er seer

i am giant sponge. we have met. i dodge because i hate. i push because i hate. i have no brain. but i hate. i hate all.

i hate all. aminals, i hate. gophers, i hate. dwarfs, i hate hate hate. i push them. i PUSH them. until they dont b reathe anymore. they cut me. i dont feel their sticks. i dont need to feel. i dont need brain.

yours truly
giant sponge

Can't sleep or the sponge will push me...

I liked sponges better before they learned to be assertive. Now they push themselves into everything!

[Maso]

Dear UristMcFriendtoAllWoodlandCritters

Despite how nice a stroll in the forest picking berries sounds, it can be pretty dangerous as well. You also shouldn't mess with the critters no matter how cute they are, lest a swarm of giant badgers decide to maul your feet off and leave you for dead. You should be very grateful to our brave captain who dragged your screaming (but not quite kicking, heh) butt home and was totally not ordered to locate and drag you back due to you being the only brewery worker in our tiny fledgling fort. We don't have any qualified doctors, so we had the blacksmith put ya back together since he's good at fixing stuff. Sorry (not really) if he was a bit rough.

Your friend the carpenter also handcrafted some lovely crutches as a get-well soon present. And by get well soon, I mean right now. We're getting low on the booze stocks. Just cause you don't have any feet, doesn't mean you're gonna be a freeloader.