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[Roonerspism]

Dear Stray Water Buffalo Cow

         Please stop kicking other water buffalo in the face and wrestling with babies,
it's getting kind of messy and i can not gurantee your safety

               from a dwarf who is sharpening his knives

[GoldenShadow]

Dear Lerdi Simonaquuv Mobmuost, Forgotten Beast,

Whats your freaking problem? I am 80% complete with my steel pumpstack and you show up and destroy the bottom and collapse the whole thing. FUUUUUUU

Then you insta kill a legendary axedwarf and a elite marksdwarf with a single kick to the face each before being torn apart by a single bolt.

You are made out of WATER! and you didn't even leave a corpse to butcher.

Everytime one of my guys finally trains up to legendary, one of you guys shows up to delay my militias progress. I opted to kill you because my pump stack was vulnerable.  If I hadn't been deceived of your true strength, since you are made out of freaking water, I would have just let you come into the cave-in trap corridoor.

[Corai]

Dear Lerdi Simonaquuv Mobmuost, Forgotten Beast,

Whats your freaking problem? I am 80% complete with my steel pumpstack and you show up and destroy the bottom and collapse the whole thing. FUUUUUUU

Then you insta kill a legendary axedwarf and a elite marksdwarf with a single kick to the face each before being torn apart by a single bolt.

You are made out of WATER! and you didn't even leave a corpse to butcher.

Everytime one of my guys finally trains up to legendary, one of you guys shows up to delay my militias progress. I opted to kill you because my pump stack was vulnerable.  If I hadn't deceived me of your true strength by being made out of freaking water. I would have just let you come into the cave-in trap corridoor.

Dear Overseer


I found it entertaining to cause you chaos and feel no guilt, now if you dont mind let me enjoy my life as food for moss before I have to push your dwarves to death

Sincerly, the late Lerdi Simonaquuv Mobmuost, Forgotten Beast,

[ledgekindred]

Dear Military,

Really?  SIX of you become legendary soldiers while trying to kill a single undead kitten.  How hard could it be?  Really hard, apparently.  I'm not sure why you swordsdwarves and speardwarves had such a hard time at it.  Oh wait, it's because you did not use your weapons while wrestling the legless head and body.  In case you didn't notice, the entire rest of the fort fell into chaos and undeath while you were playing hot potato with a kitten ball.  Thanks a bunch.

Dear Evil Soot Kitten,

F(duck noise)k you.

Angrily,
Evil Overseer of Nothing Anymore

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Military,

Really?  SIX of you become legendary soldiers while trying to kill a single undead kitten.  How hard could it be?  Really hard, apparently.  I'm not sure why you swordsdwarves and speardwarves had such a hard time at it.  Oh wait, it's because you did not use your weapons while wrestling the legless head and body.  In case you didn't notice, the entire rest of the fort fell into chaos and undeath while you were playing hot potato with a kitten ball.  Thanks a bunch.

Dear Evil Soot Kitten,

F(duck noise)k you.

Angrily,
Evil Overseer of Nothing Anymore

Dear Overseer:

Urist McLegendarySoldier cancels reply: KITTY!x6

[Corai]

Dear Military,

Really?  SIX of you become legendary soldiers while trying to kill a single undead kitten.  How hard could it be?  Really hard, apparently.  I'm not sure why you swordsdwarves and speardwarves had such a hard time at it.  Oh wait, it's because you did not use your weapons while wrestling the legless head and body.  In case you didn't notice, the entire rest of the fort fell into chaos and undeath while you were playing hot potato with a kitten ball.  Thanks a bunch.

Dear Evil Soot Kitten,

F(duck noise)k you.

Angrily,
Evil Overseer of Nothing Anymore

Dear Overseer:

Urist McLegendarySoldier cancels reply: KITTY!x6

Dear Overseer


Urist McZombieKitty cancels beg for help-AAAAAAAAHx100

[ydaraishy]

Dear children,

Stop crying about not having clothes to wear.  There's a dozen tunics and trousers and shoes lying about.

- Your Exasperated Overlord

[tahujdt]

Dear Urist McRedClearance, you are red level. That means that you may step on any red or below tile. It does NOT mean that you may go see the blue level statue garden. If you want blue clearance, do something worthwhile. In the meantime, further disregard for boundaries will result in !!DICIPLINARY ACTIONS!! Sincerely, Friend Computer. P.S. Happiness is !!MANDATORY!!

[malroth]

Dear Friend Computer.
Ursit Mc Red Clearance Is a Communist, Mutant, Traitor and his visit to the blue statue gardens is only the most recent attempt to overthow your society. Please allow me to apply a coating of a lovely color appropiate to his rank liquid to him in order to help prevent his sedition from spreading.

Signed
Ursit mc green but would like to be blue clearance level.

[tahujdt]

Dear Urist McGreen, thank you for your concern, but you will stay where you are. Herbalists and woodcutters are permanently green. (In the game, green was the lowest at which you could go outside, and you'd better have had a damn good reason.) Urist McRed will be "promoted" to the troubleshooters, and given a -rough wood training sword-.

[eataTREE]

Dear New Migrants,

We appreciate that, unlike migrants in days gone bye, you have chosen to bring items of actual value to Heartfire instead of just your useless hungry mouths. By all means, encourage your friends in the Mountainhomes to bring several hundred trinkets each with them; the Elves and Humans love this stuff and are keeping us well-supplied with luxuries in trade. However, we are somewhat less pleased by your habit of leaving them all in a pile on the ground, well outside the fortress gates. The storehouse for trinkets and finished goods is on Level -3, right above the crafting hall. You hauled this junk all the way from the Mountainhome, you can haul it the rest of the way across the map and into the damn stockpile. If this behavior is not corrected, new migrants who can't be bothered to stow their own belongings will be assigned to Outside Guard duty where they may defend with their lives the endless stream of dwarves venturing out into the open to clean up their mess.

Dear Dwarves of Heartforge,

Yes, I know, there's +Elf Bone Bling+ out there times a hundred. But everyone is so busy bringing it in from the edge of the map where the useless new migrants keep dumping it that no one is doing any actual work, and we are about to run out of food and booze. What would you rather have, another -Blizzard Man Nail Bracelet- in a bin keeping company the dozen we've already got, or something to eat and drink tonight? Oh, never mind, you are the guys who don't care if a goblin cuts your head off if you can only get your grubby little mitts on your dead buddy's socks, why did I even ask.

[wierd]

Dear Urist McGreen, thank you for your concern, but you will stay where you are. Herbalists and woodcutters are permanently green. (In the game, green was the lowest at which you could go outside, and you'd better have had a damn good reason.) Urist McRed will be "promoted" to the troubleshooters, and given a -rough wood training sword-.

RE: Corridor restrictions
From: Urist McRedClearance
To: Friend Computer

Please forgive the unintentional breach in security. Due to the resulting confusion of purposefully redesignating corridors for the purposes of thwarting the illegal activities of malcontents and criminals of the alpha complex, I was inadvertantly led to believe that the blue level corridor leading to the blue level statue garden was in fact red level clearance, due to the recent application of "sticky red paint".  It is not our place to question the mighty computer, or its policies. Clearly, I was mistaken in believing that said statue garden was red clearance, and that your enlightened leadership had ordered it redesignated to my clearance level.

The freshness of the "paint" was concerning, but your subroutines are beyond reproach, so smiled and accepted what I saw as fact.  I was however, deeply disturbed by what appeared to be an illegal hacking device, and a "red painted" security bot hastilly stuffed into a corner. Due to the recent events, I have filed a complete report!

[tahujdt]

Dear Urist McRed, if you like paranoia, the check out my succession game thread. Thank you for your vigilance against the communist threat.

[tahujdt]

Dear Urist McRed, if you like paranoia, the check out my succession game thread. Thank you for your vigilance against the communist threat.

[Splint]

Come on man, you double posted AND tried to solicit attention. Juts ask around via PM if people will throw you a bone.

Dear Hiver McDumbass,

That wild grox is NOT your friend. Stop trying to get water from the river near it, as it already hospitalized 2 woodcutters and a fisherman.

Thank you,
Settlment Governor.

Dear Wild Grox Bull
GTFO, UR KILLEN MAH D00DZ
Naw, but seriosuly. Get the hell away from my settelment. You're scaring everyone and hospitalizing vital workers.

Sincerly,
That angry human git with the funny tablet.