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[Lumix]

Dear Urist McMiner
I understand your eagerness to perform work and follow the instructions of the Overseer
I am fallible, and i would like it if you warned me of a bad judgement
But, You decided to channel the river right through the bedrooms and the fort.
I suppose us few that survived will be living like elves.
-The Overseer

[Broseph Stalin]

Dear UristMcChildren

There have been five successful kidnappings because you insist on wandering aimlessly far away from the fortress. Stop wandering aimlessly far away from the fortress. There are plenty of things to do in the fortress, or inside the guard dog perimeter or close enough for anyone to hear you scream for help. Stop it or I will put you in a 1x1 holein the ground and you will stand on each other in a pile until you get old enough to stop getting stuffed into bags.

[Kogut]

You can just melt the anvil and forge it anew. They don't realize.

But you only get one bar back. You're going to need more metal sooner or later.

So Toady fixed the number of bars objects need to make, but not the number they produce when melted?

Correct.  *grumbles loudly*

number they produce when melted was correct

[Sus]

Dear Urist McHunter,

Taking a nap right next to that rattlesnake you just shot through the right lung?

Not a winning idea.
Especially since we currently lack any kind of medical facility.

-Your Concerned Overseer

[Kylarus]

Dwarves of HameAged,
It is with a heavy heart that I bring forth news that the murder of Zan Itebneth, Dwarven Child has been resolved. This seemingly brutal attack can only be ruled a suicide. (Apparently you can convict the deceased of murdering themselves.) Despite the victim having been drained of blood in plain sight, nary a witness to be found. Not even a single person can point at a likely suspect. I know that some of you are "Outraged at the bizarre conviction against all reason of the victim of a crime recently," but I can assure you that it is as it looks. If someone had been more cautious, we may have caught the fiend. You've only yourselves (mostly the vampire) to blame.

Vabok WoundUnites (Not a vampire. Honest!)

Addendum:
Notice of Return to Active Labor: Vabok WoundUnites
Due to your unwillingness to do any actual detective work, we have assigned one: Logem RingDuties, a Hunter, to the job. He seems more willing to the job than you and will take over duties as Sheriff. His service record is quite good, retiring out of The Staff of Shimmering from the post of General. He looks forward to whipping this outpost into shape.
The Overseer

[WillowLuman]

Dear Dakost Mobenzung

Remember when we sealed the gates of hell with that drawbridge? The one which unfortunately had to be linked to a lever to work? Well, this is why I say unfortunately. I don't care how upset you were about your kittens being eaten by a steel brute, no tantrum-inducing grief justifies pulling that lever again and lowering the bridge. Fortunately the demons were stupid enough to wander under the magma piston, but because of your actions I have no choice but to lock you in solitary confinement where you can do no more harm to yourself or others. I even built the walls out of soft soap blocks to prevent self-inflicted injury. I hope that in your solitude you can reflect on this for the rest of your life.

Signed, the Overseer

[wierd]

Dear Dakost Mobenzung

Remember when we sealed the gates of hell with that drawbridge? The one which unfortunately had to be linked to a lever to work? Well, this is why I say unfortunately. I don't care how upset you were about your kittens being eaten by a steel brute, no tantrum-inducing grief justifies pulling that lever again and lowering the bridge. Fortunately the demons were stupid enough to wander under the magma piston, but because of your actions I have no choice but to lock you in solitary confinement where you can do no more harm to yourself or others. I even built the walls out of soft soap blocks to prevent self-inflicted injury. I hope that in your solitude you can reflect on this for the rest of your life.

Signed, the Overseer

Dear overseer:

Without my adorable kittens, life just isn't worth living! I tried to get consolation from my fellow dwarves, but your draconian, sweatshop labor policies make interpersonal friendships impossible! I had no choice but to end it all!  You act like I didn't know what I was doing! All those uncaring, plump helmet eating, KITTEN KILLING bastards were all going to die with me, and I would have had the satisfaction of having been the one to pull the lever... but NOOOOO.. you had to send somebody in to stop me.... and now.... [explosive bout of sobbing tears] you have locked my in a KITTEN SOAP BAR PRISON!

I hate you, do you understand!? I hate all of you!!! (Unintelligable shrieking)

[WillowLuman]

Dear Dakost Mobenzung

Remember when we sealed the gates of hell with that drawbridge? The one which unfortunately had to be linked to a lever to work? Well, this is why I say unfortunately. I don't care how upset you were about your kittens being eaten by a steel brute, no tantrum-inducing grief justifies pulling that lever again and lowering the bridge. Fortunately the demons were stupid enough to wander under the magma piston, but because of your actions I have no choice but to lock you in solitary confinement where you can do no more harm to yourself or others. I even built the walls out of soft soap blocks to prevent self-inflicted injury. I hope that in your solitude you can reflect on this for the rest of your life.

Signed, the Overseer

Dear overseer:

Without my adorable kittens, life just isn't worth living! I tried to get consolation from my fellow dwarves, but your draconian, sweatshop labor policies make interpersonal friendships impossible! I had no choice but to end it all!  You act like I didn't know what I was doing! All those uncaring, plump helmet eating, KITTEN KILLING bastards were all going to die with me, and I would have had the satisfaction of having been the one to pull the lever... but NOOOOO.. you had to send somebody in to stop me.... and now.... [explosive bout of sobbing tears] you have locked my in a KITTEN SOAP BAR PRISON!

I hate you, do you understand!? I hate all of you!!! (Unintelligable shrieking)

Dear Overseer

The wailing from Dakost's cell is keeping me up at night. I suggest we pipe in stray animals. That or relocate her to the bottom of the magma piston

Signed Obum, talented Fish Cleaner.

[Fen]

Dear Urist McFisherDwarf,
please do not try to dance with crossbow-wielding goblins when they ambush the riverside. Just run back to the fortress for safety. The military goblins will be there to help you anyway, but if you had just run away you wouldn't gotten a bolt to the leg and had to lie in the mud until the fighting was over to be whisked away into the hospital where you will be staying until you can stand again.

[Spinal_Taper]

Dear Stone Detailing Squad,

      Thank you for engraving our fort with military victories, however I would prefer it if instead of engraving the times that Elves and Humans have slaughtered dwarves and megabeasts, why not engrave images of our victories.

Welcome to the army, Overseer

[grimman007]

Dear Stone Detailing Squad,

      Thank you for engraving our fort with military victories, however I would prefer it if instead of engraving the times that Elves and Humans have slaughtered dwarves and megabeasts, why not engrave images of our victories.

Welcome to the army, Overseer

Dear Overseer,
We've only had two victories, and the last one was a fluke. Engraving the same thing over and over again gets really, really boring.
SincThe Stone Carvers have been disbanded.

[Courtesy Arloban]

Dear Urist McAnimalLover,

  I appreciate you being the only person in town crazy enough to venture into the wilderness with me, even though I was just heading to the nearest fortress to get a full party of soldiers accompanying us.  Too bad the fortress was filled with Hippos instead.  I tried to redirect us to the nearest other town instead, but you insisted on chasing after every animal along the way throwing us way off course, and as I ran to keep up with you I didn't even get a single kill.  Then Night fell and every boogeyman I modded in joined the generated ones in beating me to a pulp at the same time, including the Oompa Loompa's who's constant singing was every bit as irritating and mentally scarring as the beating.(Maybe More).  I then noticed that in Legends mode you wet on to kill Bandits without me, and have yet to relocate to a town.  I have a new world to play with now so enjoy being erased.

[Lagslayer]

Dear Urist McAnimalLover,

  I appreciate you being the only person in town crazy enough to venture into the wilderness with me, even though I was just heading to the nearest fortress to get a full party of soldiers accompanying us.  Too bad the fortress was filled with Hippos instead.  I tried to redirect us to the nearest other town instead, but you insisted on chasing after every animal along the way throwing us way off course, and as I ran to keep up with you I didn't even get a single kill.  Then Night fell and every boogeyman I modded in joined the generated ones in beating me to a pulp at the same time, including the Oompa Loompa's who's constant singing was every bit as irritating and mentally scarring as the beating.(Maybe More).  I then noticed that in Legends mode you wet on to kill Bandits without me, and have yet to relocate to a town.  I have a new world to play with now so enjoy being erased.

Looks like "Red Shirt NPC" is not the career choice for you.

[billybobfred]

To: Interdimensional Dwarven Brokers' Union
Re: Breaks

You don't need them.

You work three times a year for a period of about two weeks each time, and that's if I'm slow about trading. Even if I give you a second job as a manager, you still have more leisure time than work time.

I'm overlooking your "breaks" during winter when you don't have anything that needs to be done anyway, but quit taking breaks when the caravans come!

[ThatAussieGuy]

To: Interdimensional Dwarven Brokers' Union
Re: Breaks

You don't need them.

You work three times a year for a period of about two weeks each time, and that's if I'm slow about trading. Even if I give you a second job as a manager, you still have more leisure time than work time.

I'm overlooking your "breaks" during winter when you don't have anything that needs to be done anyway, but quit taking breaks when the caravans come!

Interdimensional Dwarven Brokers' Union Spokesdwarf cancels reply:  Trading with Caravan.