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[Wolfy]

Dear UristMcjack#$,

When it says you will know fear it is not the time to path find to the edge of the map... and then run back to the fort with your "freind" right there.

[PCpaste]

Dear Urist McVampire,

I love you so dearly. The way you leave corpses lying around the fortress all drained of blood is just so adorable. You've been with me since the first migrant wave and you've been my faithful mayor, broker, and sole defender since then, somehow coming up on top of every berserk miner and goblin seige, no matter how many other people died, and I look forward to many centuries to come.

But damnit, why can't you be happy with your office?! The chair is made of gold, every surface is engraved, the room is filled to the brim with statues, and yet it still doesn't fit your requirements and it makes you unhappy enough to tantrum over it...

Also, can't you mandate anything but anvils? I'm running out of metal here...

Sincerely, Sick Vampire Sympathising Overseer

[Sus]

Urist, i know you've been doing this stupidly for as long as Dwarf Fortress existed, but please, oh please, when i decide to close completely a room, ordering you to build a wall, stop putting the last piece of wall while you're inside that room.
That's extremely annoying, so just stop.

Or build the entire wall in no order whatsoever (just like your digging) and SOMEHOW box yourself out of doing the corners every single time without fail. Stop working so hard to not work. You are DWARVES!

...but the foreman said we'd have to cut some corners to get this thing built on schedule.
So we did.

[Ultimuh]

Dear Urist McVampire,

I love you so dearly. The way you leave corpses lying around the fortress all drained of blood is just so adorable. You've been with me since the first migrant wave and you've been my faithful mayor, broker, and sole defender since then, somehow coming up on top of every berserk miner and goblin seige, no matter how many other people died, and I look forward to many centuries to come.

But damnit, why can't you be happy with your office?! The chair is made of gold, every surface is engraved, the room is filled to the brim with statues, and yet it still doesn't fit your requirements and it makes you unhappy enough to tantrum over it...

Also, can't you mandate anything but anvils? I'm running out of metal here...

Sincerely, Sick Vampire Sympathising Overseer

Dear overseer.

I speciffically asked for PLATINUM furniture!
The engravings are of cheese, I HATE CHEESE!
The statues are of various animals I don't like and I still need that slade armor stand I recently requested.

And if that's not enough, there is a bad smell from all these corpses lying around!

Sincerely, UristMcVampire.

(well, someone had to do this.  )

[tahujdt]

Dear Migrants, please file past the window with the zombie behind it. Those of you who are not scared will be sent to do !!MAINTENENCE!! on the magma room.

[nightwhips]

Dear Urist McVampire,

I love you so dearly. The way you leave corpses lying around the fortress all drained of blood is just so adorable. You've been with me since the first migrant wave and you've been my faithful mayor, broker, and sole defender since then, somehow coming up on top of every berserk miner and goblin seige, no matter how many other people died, and I look forward to many centuries to come.

But damnit, why can't you be happy with your office?! The chair is made of gold, every surface is engraved, the room is filled to the brim with statues, and yet it still doesn't fit your requirements and it makes you unhappy enough to tantrum over it...

Also, can't you mandate anything but anvils? I'm running out of metal here...

Sincerely, Sick Vampire Sympathising Overseer

You can just melt the anvil and forge it anew. They don't realize.

[Terratoch]

To Urist McVampireSuspect

I am SO, SORRY. When I noticed you looked older than the world (by three years, seriously you must take great care of yourself to live that long), I just assumed you were a blood sucking monster, so I locked you in a room after assigning you to the vampire burrow. It was by sheer chance that I noticed you wasting away while your wife wondered where you were. The door is open, and you are free to go, for gods sake man have a drink or ten on me.

P.S.: I noticed you're good with axes, so welcome to the military.

Sincerely,
Your neglectful overseer.

[Kogut]

Dear Urist McKillBane-Elite-Wrestler

You've been strangling that poor groundhog for 8 pages now. Please stop, I think you're enjoying this a little too much. There are other things to kill, you don't have to spend so much time on the groundhog.

Signed,
          Supreme Overlord Agiller

Dear Supreme Overlord Agiller

Muhahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahaha.

Signed,
          Bug 4856

BTW, save from 4.x may be useful on bugtracker.

[wierd]

Unconcious you say?

Cannot be killed you say?


VAMPIRE !!SCIENCE!! Time!  This may well be the ultimate vampire snackbar!

[Schizotek]

Dear Urist McJewler-
If you encrust ONE MORE masterwork item with DIORITE....well.. you know that dwarf we sealed into a 5x5 room a couple years back? Hes still alive. And you can join him. Use the shitty furniture instead. And when your done, toss them into the magma chamber. Don't need your practice cluttering up my fort.
-Overseer

Dear Urist McLegendary Axedarf
Its just a fucking bird! Lop its wings off! And then toss it into the magma chamber. Last thing we need is bird wings strangling us in our sleep like some kind of 50's horror flick.
-Overseer.

Dear Urist McButcher
Level faster please. I'm sick of having to have half a dozen guards around your revolting shop. And remember, when your done with the corpse, instead of getting a drink, toss the remains in the magma chamber. Which your shop was built immediately on top of. YOUR WELCOME.
-Overseer

Dear Vampy McChildmolestor
Could you perhaps eat more frequently? We have lots of delicious children here. Snack that smiles back, eh?
-Your loving jailor

[captain proof]

Dear Citizens of Doomcrown,
Our inquisitorial guard has reason to suspect that there is a vampire in our midst. Expect a fang check and any religious material's concerning the worship of the God Doren the Golden Wreath will be dealt with harshly.
Sincerely
Your Inquisitor

[Sutremaine]

You can just melt the anvil and forge it anew. They don't realize.

But you only get one bar back. You're going to need more metal sooner or later.

[WillowLuman]

You can just melt the anvil and forge it anew. They don't realize.

But you only get one bar back. You're going to need more metal sooner or later.

So Toady fixed the number of bars objects need to make, but not the number they produce when melted?

[Vehudur]

You can just melt the anvil and forge it anew. They don't realize.

But you only get one bar back. You're going to need more metal sooner or later.

So Toady fixed the number of bars objects need to make, but not the number they produce when melted?

Correct.  *grumbles loudly*

[Crioca]

Dear Urist McHauler

I understand you felt you needed to make a long trip through zombie mosquito infested territory to fetch a sock, really I do, and you know what else? I'm fine with you going to get it. And I know there was no bridge over the fast flowing stream, so I appreciate the initiative you took deciding to cross it.

But did you have to do it at the very edge of the waterfall that fell six zeds into a steep sided gorge? Now I have to deal with your merciless, animated corpse as it slowly trudges it's way out of the water and begins to assault our fortress.

Signed,
 - Urist McOverseer