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[Possomtail]

Dear Urist McCarpenter. 8^th Obsidian.

Whenever I tell you tell you to make some barrels so that Urist McBrewer can brew some more dwarvern wine when we have none left, please do not throw any parties because your friends will all thirst to death.

[makpantek]

Dear Dorf,

  How the hell did you lose a right leg while farming?

Sincerely,
     Your god.

[Schizotek]

Dear dwarves of Marblewine.
This is not Voidbreach. This is not Sungears. This fort can, and Armok above knows that I will, get new migrants on a regular basis. You. Are. Disposable. So when I tell you to retrieve those Unicorns, I don't want to hear about some giant peach faced whatsits. Just get them. My army WILL be outfitted with gear crafted solely from Unicorns, and anyone who inhibits this plan will be guilty of spreading unhappiness. Unhappiness is punishable by happy fun time. Happy fun time schedulees must report to the Happy Room, and pull the Lever of Magmatic Joy.
Your loving and all seeing overseer.

[Reudh]

Dear Dorf,

  How the hell did you lose a right leg while farming?

Sincerely,
     Your god.

To Mr Makpantek o-holy-but-not-as-holy-as-Armok, bless 'is soul,

Blood's a good fertiliser, innit? An' i had a good leg jus' goin' to waste attached to me hip. So I cut it off an' buried it in th' farm plot.
Now whenev' th' other dorves take a drink of the plump 'elmet wine, or a chomp o' th' plump 'elmet biscuits, I'll say "That's Urist McFarmer vintage, and ye know why? Me leg's fertilised it!" and I'll laugh as they spit out their food n' drink. And I'll 'ave another round on th' house for everyone.

Urist McSacrificialFarmer cancels respond to me god: Shouting another round of Urist McFarmer Wine.

Yers, Urist McFarmer.
Hope I 'aven't stuff'd you up wit' me exuberant fertilising th' farms.

[YetAnotherStupidDorf]

Why do you insist on going into battle bare handed when we have two perfectly useable copper battle axes for you to choose from?

Probably reserved for woodcutters. If your two woodcutters are also axedwarves, sometimes game boinks and require in total 4 separate axes to work properly as expected - and this is not counting other possible bugs in retrieving weapon code.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McFormerCarpenterNowMiner,
First, Congrats on the promotion. Second, consider changing your name to Urist Mcminer. Finally, good job at escaping magma not once but twice while trying to de-magma the aquifer staircase. Oh, and I think you're now a better miner than Urist McMissingAshes ever was.

Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Overseer.


Dear all Urists,
Good job, y'all. Keep up the good work. Soon we'll pierce the aquifer and continue to stone and wealth! Our magma glass furnace is almost up and running, so yippee there, too. Keep up the good work and don't fall into the volcano.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McFormerCarpenterNowMiner,
First, Congrats on the promotion. Second, consider changing your name to Urist Mcminer. Finally, good job at escaping magma not once but twice while trying to de-magma the aquifer staircase. Oh, and I think you're now a better miner than Urist McMissingAshes ever was.

Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Overseer.


Dear all Urists,
Good job, y'all. Keep up the good work. Soon we'll pierce the aquifer and continue to stone and wealth! Our magma glass furnace is almost up and running, so yippee there, too. Keep up the good work and don't fall into the volcano.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

You've probably just jinxed it.

[GoldenShadow]

Dear Urist Mcsleepyhead,
RIP

He was so tired that he fell asleep immediately after digging into an aquifer. Gives a new meaning to sleeping with the fishes.

[Habbadax]

Dear Urist McRabbit

Please
Stop
Breeding

[Vehudur]

Dear Urist McRabbit

Please
Stop
Breeding

As cruel as it sounds, kill off one or two of the children.  It will make him/her unhappy, so be able to station a squad near him to "comfort" him if he does anything stupid.  But unhappy dwarves may not breed as much (science needs done on this) and if that doesn't work, test your new drowning chamber you haven't built yet on him.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McRabbit

Please
Stop
Breeding

As cruel as it sounds, kill off one or two of the children.  It will make him/her unhappy, so be able to station a squad near him to "comfort" him if he does anything stupid.  But unhappy dwarves may not breed as much (science needs done on this) and if that doesn't work, test your new drowning chamber you haven't built yet on him.

But it's a rabbit

[Vehudur]

Dear Urist McRabbit

Please
Stop
Breeding

As cruel as it sounds, kill off one or two of the children.  It will make him/her unhappy, so be able to station a squad near him to "comfort" him if he does anything stupid.  But unhappy dwarves may not breed as much (science needs done on this) and if that doesn't work, test your new drowning chamber you haven't built yet on him.

But it's a rabbit

Well fine then, all but a breeding pair to cut the population down.

[Crioca]

Dear Urist McArmorsmith

Lead? Seriously? Fucking lead? I have twelve bars of adamantine there and you decide to create a lead breastplate. If you weren't my only high level armoursmith I'd get you to build a lead floodgate to keep the magma out of your bedroom. Would you like that you PUNK!?!

[tahujdt]

Dear Urist McSquirtle, pleae stop squirting water at random animals. You keep running off, so it's hard to have an expedition.

[Terratoch]

Dear Goblins,
Your first raid was pitiful. About 10 or so. The worst you did was cost one of my dwarfs an arm.

RE: Dear Goblins:
Your second raid was overkill. 100+? Seriously? Okay, you win. Guess I'm  starting over again -.-;